How to deal with annoying behavior

[Anonymous]

How do you all cope with the daily annoyances of parenting adhd kids? My 10 year old NEVER stops talking. He is constantly making noises or telling long stories that aren't really stories. He sings or makes beats or just hums. He also never stops moving. He bounces and paces, and is always touching things! He cannot seem to walk up or down the steps normally its always a dramatic interpretation of walking.

He is medicated and does well at school, but mornings and evenings are literally making me lose my brain. I am so over stimulated from being in his presence! How do you all deal with this daily? I need some practical coping tips.

He is generally doing well, he is active and healthy and smart and has made great progress but the noise and movement inside my home is sooo frustrating to me. I recognize that this is a me thing, so am seeking advice from other over stimulated parents!

I already meditate and exercise daily. I try to seperate myself when he is really grating on me, but I can literally hear him everywhere in our tiny house. I do have a supportive spouse, and he feels the same. Looking for any who can relate and share how to keep sanity!

[Anonymous]

It can be very hard, op, I get it. My kid and I are both neurodivergent, and not always in complementary ways. The repetitive stims are very tough in my senses at times.

In addition to meditation and exercise, how's your sleep? How is his? Lack of sleep makes us both worse so prioritizing that can take the two down.

Also do you have somewhere in the house you can go for true sensory breaks? I take showers with the lights off sometimes, and it's a really good reset. I'll just stand under the water letting it surround my whole head with white noise and do a mindfulness exercise to help relax. It's like a makeshift sensory deprivation tank.

[Anonymous]

I love that idea of a dark shower! I think I need one now! Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Earplugs or noise canceling headphones. You can still hear well enough but it lowers the volume.

[Anonymous]

Is he an only child? Does he have a village?

[Anonymous]

I’m guessing this is a case where many things are not in his control, but maybe you can identify 1-2 that could be and work on decreasing those? Eg, he starts out the week with 10 points and every time he interrupts, he loses a point, and he can trade the point in for something if he manages to keep them. It could build awareness.

I wonder if hour kid would benefit from OT, which included behavioral work as well as muscular. I recommend a place up Massachusetts in DC called Triumph Therapeutics. If that’s not near you, maybe you can identify some key words from their website and search them up near your ZIP code or ask them for a referral.

Good luck. I too go crazy from my kid sometimes. Much better now at 11 than even a year ago, though!

[Anonymous]

Yes, get him to OT and get him on a sensory diet. Then when he's restless direct him to the sensory tools. Better yet, make a sensory room in your house for him.

When he rambles on and on, you need to gently teach him to be attentive to his listener. It seems harsh but if you don't teach him, his social life will suffer. Kids will not be as patient as you. You could also get him into a social skills group.

Finally, when you need a break, you say, "Mommy needs some alone time." Then take it. Kids need to respect boundaries and others' needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you all cope with the daily annoyances of parenting adhd kids? My 10 year old NEVER stops talking. He is constantly making noises or telling long stories that aren't really stories. He sings or makes beats or just hums. He also never stops moving. He bounces and paces, and is always touching things! He cannot seem to walk up or down the steps normally its always a dramatic interpretation of walking.

He is medicated and does well at school, but mornings and evenings are literally making me lose my brain. I am so over stimulated from being in his presence! How do you all deal with this daily? I need some practical coping tips.

He is generally doing well, he is active and healthy and smart and has made great progress but the noise and movement inside my home is sooo frustrating to me. I recognize that this is a me thing, so am seeking advice from other over stimulated parents!

I already meditate and exercise daily. I try to seperate myself when he is really grating on me, but I can literally hear him everywhere in our tiny house. I do have a supportive spouse, and he feels the same. Looking for any who can relate and share how to keep sanity!

How do you notice all these little things? I’ve managed to tune my kids out unless they’re literally dying. You’re definitely in the running for mom of the year

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love that idea of a dark shower! I think I need one now! Thank you.

Why does that terrify me?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love that idea of a dark shower! I think I need one now! Thank you.

Why does that terrify me?

PP who suggested it. If it freaks you out, you can turn the light off but crack the door and it still works well. For me the key is no artificial light at all. Sometimes I do pitch black, but sometimes it's just low light plus the heat and noise of the shower. Depends on how badly I need to escape.

[Anonymous]

Choose the top most annoying behavior to you right now. Target that for improvement. I’m sure you know how to approach your child with empathy and validation. Now also explain that living with other people comes with sharing space and responsibilities. Give your child a replacement behavior to do instead of the noisemaking. You might have to try a few things until you find the stim that works for your child. Set goals and link them to rewards. As someone above mentioned, OTs can be helpful in this work.

With regard to endless chatter, borrow a few things from teachers’ toolboxes. If you know you are going to have to focus on something, like following a recipe or wanting to sit down and read a book, tell your child you will be doing exactly that in x minutes. Set a visual timer, like an hourglass or a Time Timer, to let him know it’s coming. If you can’t talk about your kid’s interest in the moment, write it down in a place where you can both see it, like a whiteboard on the fridge. Call that “the parking lot,” and let your kid know when you’ll get back to topics in the parking lot (in 30 minutes, after dinner, while driving to school, etc.). Nine times out of ten, when you come back to those topics, your child has moved on or consolidated his thoughts to the point where he can express them more succinctly. The trick with this strategy is that you have to be perceived as reliable by your child. If you fail to check back in on the parking lot topics when you say you will, they won’t trust the process.

Think about the purpose(s) of your child’s behavior. Is he looking to alleviate boredom, get energy out, get attention? Can you provide other, more desirable ways for him to do such things?

Noise-canceling headphones with low-volume instrumental music are a game changer too. They’ll help you self regulate. To the extent that your child’s behavior is attention seeking, it will also reduce the attention he perceives he gets. Your lack of response can have the effect of driving down the frequency of behavior.

This stuff isn’t always super simple to figure out on your own. But putting behavioral limits in place can help not only you but your child’s social future. Sometimes it’s worthwhile talking to a mental health practitioner or parent coach who has a background in behaviorism.

[Anonymous]

This is great. Thank you. We have an abundance of long meandering stories and repeats. Child gets very offended if I’m not 100% engaged even when they are coming to me when I’m busy. It’s overstimulating and I try to multitask but sometimes I do need quiet. For ours, she’s definitely seeking connection so I try to stay receptive - that is difficult at times

I def need more sleep, as does she.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you all cope with the daily annoyances of parenting adhd kids? My 10 year old NEVER stops talking. He is constantly making noises or telling long stories that aren't really stories. He sings or makes beats or just hums. He also never stops moving. He bounces and paces, and is always touching things! He cannot seem to walk up or down the steps normally its always a dramatic interpretation of walking.

He is medicated and does well at school, but mornings and evenings are literally making me lose my brain. I am so over stimulated from being in his presence! How do you all deal with this daily? I need some practical coping tips.

He is generally doing well, he is active and healthy and smart and has made great progress but the noise and movement inside my home is sooo frustrating to me. I recognize that this is a me thing, so am seeking advice from other over stimulated parents!

I already meditate and exercise daily. I try to seperate myself when he is really grating on me, but I can literally hear him everywhere in our tiny house. I do have a supportive spouse, and he feels the same. Looking for any who can relate and share how to keep sanity!

How do you notice all these little things? I’ve managed to tune my kids out unless they’re literally dying. You’re definitely in the running for mom of the year

NP but..,.I’m guessing you’re neurotypical 😂

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Choose the top most annoying behavior to you right now. Target that for improvement. I’m sure you know how to approach your child with empathy and validation. Now also explain that living with other people comes with sharing space and responsibilities. Give your child a replacement behavior to do instead of the noisemaking. You might have to try a few things until you find the stim that works for your child. Set goals and link them to rewards. As someone above mentioned, OTs can be helpful in this work.

With regard to endless chatter, borrow a few things from teachers’ toolboxes. If you know you are going to have to focus on something, like following a recipe or wanting to sit down and read a book, tell your child you will be doing exactly that in x minutes. Set a visual timer, like an hourglass or a Time Timer, to let him know it’s coming. If you can’t talk about your kid’s interest in the moment, write it down in a place where you can both see it, like a whiteboard on the fridge. Call that “the parking lot,” and let your kid know when you’ll get back to topics in the parking lot (in 30 minutes, after dinner, while driving to school, etc.). Nine times out of ten, when you come back to those topics, your child has moved on or consolidated his thoughts to the point where he can express them more succinctly. The trick with this strategy is that you have to be perceived as reliable by your child. If you fail to check back in on the parking lot topics when you say you will, they won’t trust the process.

Think about the purpose(s) of your child’s behavior. Is he looking to alleviate boredom, get energy out, get attention? Can you provide other, more desirable ways for him to do such things?

Noise-canceling headphones with low-volume instrumental music are a game changer too. They’ll help you self regulate. To the extent that your child’s behavior is attention seeking, it will also reduce the attention he perceives he gets. Your lack of response can have the effect of driving down the frequency of behavior.

This stuff isn’t always super simple to figure out on your own. But putting behavioral limits in place can help not only you but your child’s social future. Sometimes it’s worthwhile talking to a mental health practitioner or parent coach who has a background in behaviorism.

This is amazing. I can’t offer nearly as much or as good advice as PP, but on the self-regulating front— if you haven’t already looked into them, Loop earplugs reduce volume without actually blocking it out. Otherwise good wireless headphones (I like Google Pixel Buds), and in my case, White Noise on Audible (the Brown and Pink ones actually sound like hell), Healing Frequencies playlist on Amazon Music, or EDM/tropical house on Amazon Music. After toddler bedtime I collapse in a totally dark bedroom for 30-45 min. Improve your sleep by reducing cortisol: reconsider the amount and source of caffeine intake; cut out the afternoon cup, try cortisol reduction supplement. Drink more water. Having a skincare routine blocks in forced me-time, plus I can see the results on my face and feel good about myself. I also like acupuncture. But yeah what PP said, first!

[Anonymous]

Try playing background music. My constant hummer stops humming when music is playing. Having his mind occupied by listening seems to take the place of whatever he was getting from the humming.