Reply to DD, 10, overweight and obsessed with food

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[quote=Anonymous]I have a DD who is 10 and is increasingly overweight.  She thinks about food day and night. She is obsessed with baking. She eats huge portions. We only keep healthy food in the house, allow desserts but they are limited, and try to model good eating habits.  I am not sure how to handle the situation -- I am average weight and have struggled with eating and had an eating disorder as a teen. I try to eat healthfully now and to serve balanced meals for the family.  My daughter eats whatever and says things are "healthy" -- I try to make clear that Oreos are for treats, but not shame anyone.  I encourage her to find filling foods that are healthy -- fish,etc.

She has major issues about clothes and her body, and I feel like stepping on eggshells sometimes about this.  It is extra complex because my husband's family seems to have a familarly trait in which kids can be dangerously *under*weight, and her teen sister may have inherited that. Older DD is extremely thin and short. this condition is undiagnosed, but DH and siblings were extremely skinny as kids to the point of doctors worryig about abuse, despite a mom who was a consummate cook and sweetheart.  DH's siblings and mom described that they just couldn't eat much as kids, they had tiny appetites and they threw up if they ate even a little too much (which they were often commanded to) throughout childhood.

Upshot is that at the same time as dealing with our  young DD, who is overweight and might benefit from portion control,  we are always trying to make sure older DD gets enough calories (on advice of her doctor).  So we have high fat foods in the house (whole milk, meats, peanut butter, and yes, ice cream). I have explained to younger DD that older DD has medical issues that mean that she needs to eat a second dinner if she can, while the rest of us should not eat at night,  but it's really hard to create consistent messaging and extra hard to model good habits for younger DD as a result.  I'm current listening to my younger DD bake cookies (one weekly baking project is allowed) to have dessert and I'm frustrated that I feel like in the end both DDs are not well served.  I admit I am worried about shaming younger DD, but really I also not sure that discussing would have any effect or would just irritate her and lead to the same things anyhow.   And honestly, she (younger DD) seems like she is hungry all the time, and has been since she was a newborn.   I'm overwhelmed by the craziness of this situation; weight is not the biggest thing, but she becomes a tween, it is affecting her socially, and limiting her - she avoids certain situations, and many other small moments.  Advice more than appreciated.  Thanks.[/quote]

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