Tinder situation…normal?

[Anonymous]

Maybe this should be in the relationship forum, but it’s really more about sketchy behavior than actual relationships.

My good friend is divorced and started using Tinder a few years ago. There were two guys she got really involved with who had some things in common with each other. Neither of them live in the city she lives in. One was traveling for work to her city. The other was just passing through and apparently matched with her by proximity. They are both kinda the loner type and don’t have a lot of friends or people around them. They both took her on multiple big vacations right away. Within weeks of meeting. Yes, she was an absolute idiot to go on these trips, but that’s another story. They both have a lot of money. Both have military background. Neither of them have any online presence at all. She was only seeing the first guy for a couple of months. She's still with the second one, although they have been off and on. She has met some of his family.

Idk, it just seems so very strange that the situations were so similar. It just made me wonder if this is some sort of common scam on these dating apps..? Has anyone ever heard of something like that?

Also, any pointers on how to research someone online if they don’t have much of an online presence?

[Anonymous]

And yet... she likes them and they've been nothing but gentlemanly, instead of creepy like you wanted?

What's your point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And yet... she likes them and they've been nothing but gentlemanly, instead of creepy like you wanted?

What's your point?

Right? What’s the scam, OP? Sounds like everyone is consenting and enjoy in themselves.

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure if its Tinder related specifically, but the few people I know IRL who sound like that all ended up with foreign mail order brides. There's nothing wrong with them, they are just introverted dorks.

[Anonymous]

OP, are you sure that your friend actually met these men IN PERSON ➕ vacationed w/them?
Or did she only tell you that she did?

I once had a friend who would meet men online.

Well they ALL were stationed in another country, were in the military, were rich (supposedly!) and were single fathers too.
Plus if you believed their online photos - these guys were pretty attractive too.

Yes it turned out to be scam after scam.
These guys are from Nigeria & pretend they are someone else.
They targeted lonely, mostly older women and were in it for their money.

They targeted very lonely ➕ vulnerable women.

[Anonymous]

I match with very similar men to your friend. It’s honestly just that most of us have a type, and that just happens to be our type. Especially when you’re divorced, and I’m assuming she has kids? A guy with money who can pay for nice vacations and has low expectations for you is awesome when you’re divorced with kids.

Plus men who are former military, introverted, wealthy, and passing thru DC are fairly common. These guys also tend to have little online presence due to their work.

I wouldn’t worry about it. Nobody is really looking to kidnap a middle aged divorced woman. Predators typically go after younger targets. Them being similar is more likely because that’s the type of man she likes.

[Anonymous]

Most guys are losers so it seems surprising she met two men with lots of money who took her on trips, although I don't see what the scam would be here.

[Anonymous]

I haven’t heard of a scam like that. I work in cybersecurity, so I don’t have a searchable online presence - I don’t think it’s that uncommon. My job is by no means high level or interesting, but I’m discouraged from having any social media. It is more common than you think.
As far as the vacations, I don’t know how that could be a scam since she came back safely - they could be human traffickers I guess, taking her on the second trip?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most guys are losers so it seems surprising she met two men with lots of money who took her on trips, although I don't see what the scam would be here.

As a middle aged woman who takes a lot of vacations alone or with girlfriends, it’s not a huge deal to invite someone to tag alone, I am already paying for the hotel, the incremental cost is just one plane ticket and maybe 20% more to dinner bill. We don’t eat like teenage boys 👋

It’s a very low effort move and makes sense for a tinder situationship.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Thanks for the perspective, everyone. I am not as worried now.

The most concerning part is how they won’t spend much time with her in her hometown or even theirs. Most of their time together is on vacations. I would need to know someone very well before traveling with them, especially overseas. But I guess that’s just me. I will relax a bit now!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thanks for the perspective, everyone. I am not as worried now.

The most concerning part is how they won’t spend much time with her in her hometown or even theirs. Most of their time together is on vacations. I would need to know someone very well before traveling with them, especially overseas. But I guess that’s just me. I will relax a bit now!

I’d be suspicious of a second family in this case.

[Anonymous]

These men “took her” on trips? She probably paid her own way. Not as glamorous as getting flewed out, really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe this should be in the relationship forum, but it’s really more about sketchy behavior than actual relationships.

My good friend is divorced and started using Tinder a few years ago. There were two guys she got really involved with who had some things in common with each other. Neither of them live in the city she lives in. One was traveling for work to her city. The other was just passing through and apparently matched with her by proximity. They are both kinda the loner type and don’t have a lot of friends or people around them. They both took her on multiple big vacations right away. Within weeks of meeting. Yes, she was an absolute idiot to go on these trips, but that’s another story. They both have a lot of money. Both have military background. Neither of them have any online presence at all. She was only seeing the first guy for a couple of months. She's still with the second one, although they have been off and on. She has met some of his family.

Idk, it just seems so very strange that the situations were so similar. It just made me wonder if this is some sort of common scam on these dating apps..? Has anyone ever heard of something like that?

Also, any pointers on how to research someone online if they don’t have much of an online presence?

What is the scam?

Sounds like she’s just attracted to a certain type.

Why are you ruminating on this?

[Anonymous]

They are married.

[Anonymous]

She’s going to wind up dead.