Nearly 17 year old son is sexually active

[Anonymous]

My son, who will turn 17 in March, told me that he and his girlfriend—who is also turn 17 in a couple months, and whom he’s been dating for about eight months—are sexually active. He says she’s on birth control and that they’re using protection. He’s well informed about the risks, consent, and related issues, but I’m wondering if there’s anything else I should be doing.

Should I inform her parents? He says they already know and that I shouldn’t say anything, but I’m not completely sure that’s true.

[Anonymous]

Yes

[Anonymous]

Ok, cool story.

No you shouldn't tell her parents! Wtf. You also shouldn't tell the random internet but here we are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son, who will turn 17 in March, told me that he and his girlfriend—who is also turn 17 in a couple months, and whom he’s been dating for about eight months—are sexually active. He says she’s on birth control and that they’re using protection. He’s well informed about the risks, consent, and related issues, but I’m wondering if there’s anything else I should be doing.

Should I inform her parents? He says they already know and that I shouldn’t say anything, but I’m not completely sure that’s true.

No.

But make as sure as you can without actually standing over them that they are using condoms (very easy for a teen boy to ignore the need to do so with a girlfriend that is on the pill -- maybe she is, maybe she isn't, maybe she is and doesn't remember to take it every day, and they need to be protecting themselves from STDs anyway, no matter what they think the risk with any particular partner is).

[Anonymous]

Don’t tell parents. Buy condoms.

[Anonymous]

The bottom line is, they are both minors. Yes, OP, I think you should tell her parents, but after first discussing this with your husband and son. If he's old enough to have a girlfriend and be sexually active, he's old enough to have a mature conversation with you about this, and her parents too, if necessary.

I would not be happy about this, and I would let him know that. Nothing good will come of this.

[Anonymous]

Mom of a 17 year old girl here. No, don’t tell her parents.

[Anonymous]

Unless you know her parents would be appropriate, you say nothing to them. They could abuse her or kick her out.

That is how a friend ended up with her son’s gf living under her roof full time for the last couple years of HS. She felt like it was the least she could do as she spilled the beans not understanding their culture. The young couple broke up after the first year in college and remain friends, FWIW.

[Anonymous]

Impress upon him that he MUST use condoms regardless, and always treat her with respect and consideration. Then stay out of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The bottom line is, they are both minors. Yes, OP, I think you should tell her parents, but after first discussing this with your husband and son. If he's old enough to have a girlfriend and be sexually active, he's old enough to have a mature conversation with you about this, and her parents too, if necessary.

I would not be happy about this, and I would let him know that. Nothing good will come of this.

Uh, read the OP. They already discussed it. You want the kid to discuss it with her parents? Good lord, some of you are crazy.

[Anonymous]

OMG tell her parents? What? Do you want to make sure he stops being open with you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Impress upon him that he MUST use condoms regardless, and always treat her with respect and consideration. Then stay out of it.

And make sure he knows he needs to wear a condom for every activity they are doing (not just PIV).

I'm not sure that's necessary if they were both virgins (meaning all sexual activity) prior. If not then, yes, good idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Impress upon him that he MUST use condoms regardless, and always treat her with respect and consideration. Then stay out of it.

This, 100% this, every single time, even if she is on birth control. And h@ll no, you do not tell her parents.

And are there any lawyers here? If he turns 18 while she is still 17, can he be arrested for statutory rate? That would be my worry

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, cool story.

No you shouldn't tell her parents! Wtf. You also shouldn't tell the random internet but here we are.

This is totally normal behavior. Were you never a teenager?

[Anonymous]

No duh