Do you ever go through periods where your beloved annoys you for no good reason?
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Anonymous
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I've been with my BF for more than two years and have mostly been sooo happy with him. He's sweet, loving, supportive, sex has been great, etc. Sure, there were minor things I did not love, but they seemed minor. I truly have spent most of the last couple years feeling joyful and grateful to have met him. But then suddenly-- literally it felt like out of the blue-- everything he does annoys me! His hair is annoying. His voice is annoying. What he says is annoying. When he practices the piano it's annoying. His musical taste is annoying. The way he combs his hair is annoying. The way he compliments me is annoying. Etc. I am trying so hard to hide my reactions from him, because I recognize that the poor man is doing the exact same things he has always done, so it would be wildly unfair for me to suddenly start snapping at him.
I am honestly distressed and baffled by my own emotions. Two theories: 1) He actually IS annoying and not the right man for me, but I was so grateful to find ANYONE after a painful divorce that I suppressed/ignored all the ways he was not actually right for me-- and now that I am in a better place and feeling more secure generally, all the things I suppressed or ignored are rising to the surface again and I need to pay attention to these feelings of annoyance. 2) Something is going on with me! He is still a wonderful man and a great partner for me, but I am under stress (this is actually true, finding him annoying coincided with the start of a super stressful work project), it has affected my mood and perceptions, and I am unreasonably taking it all out on him (at least, in terms of my internal state). If theory one is right, maybe I need to back off a little from this relationship and recognize it may not be the perfect relationship I fantasized about. If theory two is right I need to work on getting less stressed and focus on feeling gratitude and love. I am really hoping it is the latter! Has anyone gone through phases like this, where the person you love is suddenly getting on your last nerve all the time for some extended period of time (a few weeks/months)? Has it passed? Is this just... normal and ride it out? Or a warning sign about compataibility? |
Anonymous
Given your extensive list of annoyances, some of cannot be changed, you should tell him it’s over. Give him the “it’s me not you” speech. Because that is the truth. |
Anonymous
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Even if it's option 2, that just means you're not mentally in a place for a serious relationship. Stress should not cause you to be annoyed with him to this extent. It's not fair to him that you're taking it out on him. And you may think it's all internal, but if you're annoyed by things as petty as his hair, I guarantee he notices you're treating him differently.
End the relationship because neither option is good. And then work on yourself. |
Anonymous
| Yeah, this sounds like a character defect in you. Breaking up with him would be the kindest thing you could do. Then go to therapy and figure out why you are so screwed up and how to fix it. Because what you describing is not normal. |
dony898
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| This is literally just stress. The timing matches perfectly with your stressful work project. Give it a few weeks before making any big decisions. |
Anonymous
| It’s you. End the relationship. Release that man. |
Anonymous
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Are you in your 40's?
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Anonymous
| Wow you guys are quick to give up on a relationship! It's been great for tw o years and annoying for a month while work is going nuts? Just chill, work hard on not taking things out on him, get through this, and see how you're doing in another few months. If he still seems annoying, he is not the one for you! But it is completely normal for stress etc to cause this for a period of time. As long as it passes, view it as normal ups and downs, and work on your own stress levels. |
Anonymous
| I don’t know- I’ve been married 15 years and I’ve never felt that way. Yeah, I get annoyed with my partner over little things here and there but never aspects of his appearance, personality, interests and preferences etc. I would say it’s not a great sign… |
Anonymous
OP should pull the plug for his sake, not hers. She is only going to get worse over time. |
Anonymous
| I'd say get therapy but I wold never want to inflict this on any therapist. |
Anonymous
| Yes it happens and they get annoyed with you too! |
Anonymous
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My husband of 20 years is on the spectrum and has ADHD. So I'm going to rephrase what you said and share that there are good reasons why my husband is annoying year-round, but it's only right before my period every month that I let it get to me. Such is my life.
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Anonymous
People get annoyed with other people because people are annoying |
Anonymous
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OP, give a little grace both to him and to yourself. There is no way to know for sure if the issue is that until now you suppressed your own sense of judgement, and now the "honeymoon" has ended and you realize this is not right for you, versus if this is 100% you just going through a stressful moment and things will revert to normal once you get through it. But they only way to find out is to act as if it is the second and let some time pass, while you do everything within your power to say to him, "I've been super stressed and I know it has been affecting my mood, and I'm sorry. I'm trying to work my way through this, I love you and hope you can be patient with me." Then just give it time! And, think about taking care of yourself: what do you need to de-stress? Time alone? Time with friends? Meditation, exercise, therapy to help you work on things? Will the work stress be settling down, or is this a new normal at work?
Either a few months will go by and nothign will have changed and you should then reevaluate the relationship, or a few months will go by and things will be fine and you'll be saying to yourself and to him, "wow, i was a bear to be around for a while, everything was getting on my nerves, my mood was terrible, thank God i've reverted to normal!" FWIW i go through occasional patches like this with DH. In my case it is usually hormonal! Menopause. I don't know your age but something to consider. I upped the dosage of my estrogen patch and went through several weeks feeling like I was alternating between tears and total rage. I took the dosage back down and, presto, life was normal again. You never know. I am rooting for your and your BF! The fact that you had two great years and the irritation started when work stress amped up suggests it is external, not him. Two years is long enough that the "honeymoon" was already over. I think the main thing you should do is figure out why your mood has been so bad: hormones? handling work stress badly? And try to address that. |