Rude and recalcitrant 14 year old
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Anonymous
| How do you handle a 14 year old who is rude and just doesn't listen? Doesn't brush their hair. Doesn't go to bed. Doesn't sleep for more than 7 or 8 hours. Doesn't go to their paid activities. Doesn't eat breakfast. Doesn't finish their meals. Doesn't grow. Doesn't do their chores. Doesn't help out around the house. Doesn't clean up after themselves. Doesn't respond to consequences or punishment. She just doesn't care. |
Anonymous
Has she always been like this or is it new? |
Anonymous
She's always been oppositional, but recently it's as if she discovered that there's really nothing we can FORCE her to do, and she just flat out refuses. |
Anonymous
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Keep rearranging and reapplying consequences and punishment. Removing screen time is very effective in my house. You can’t force her but you can make it really difficult for her not to do things that you want by taking away the things she wants. Also give her praise when she does meet or exceed your expectation.
You may want to get more info on oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) and seek help from a doctor/counselor if it becomes a major concern. |
Anonymous
| Put them up for adoption. |
Anonymous
| Pick your battles. And they need to be in much greater control of their life. You sound controlling. You shouldn't be asking your 14 year old to brush their hair or finish their food. Do they enjoy their paid activities? Maybe it's time to switch. Not doing their chores or being disrespectful would result in loss of screentime in my house. |
Anonymous
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I’ll address them one by one- I have 2 teens.
Doesn't brush their hair. - let it go. It’s her hair. She’s old enough to manage this. Doesn't go to bed. Doesn't sleep for more than 7 or 8 hours. Is she waking up for school? If not, take away electronics. If she is, it’s okay. 7 hours is fine. She can catch up on the weekend. The rule should be she can’t wake you up past a certain hour. Doesn't go to their paid activities. - stop signing her up for activities. Doesn't eat breakfast. Doesn't finish their meals. - stop managing what she eats. You sound controlling. Doesn't grow. ??? Doesn't do their chores. Doesn't help out around the house. Doesn't clean up after themselves. - Tie it to something she wants. She can’t have her phone, or computer or ride to the mall until she does xyz. |
Anonymous
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You do sound controlling. She’s 14, not 4.
I agree with the pp—choose your battles. Right now I would prioritize: Attending school Brushing teeth Doing one chore (same chore so it’s predictable) I would not push for the other things. I would take your kid’s phone and electronics away if she doesn’t do these basic things. Then work on your relationship. If she won’t go to therapy; then you go to therapy/parenting coaching. |
Anonymous
+1. I was the poster right above you. I took doesn't grow as doesn't improve themselves. Unless this person is a troll or truly unwell. |
Anonymous
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You need to take some parenting classes.
Isn’t there a single thing she does that you appreciate? Try spending some 1:1 time with her. |
Anonymous
+2 that’s what we did honestly. Best decision ever! |
Anonymous
| Haven’t most 14 year old girls reached their adult height? Are you expecting her to grow 2 more inches? What does her doctor say? I don’t think you can fault her for not growing in a timely manner. |
Anonymous
| Geez with a parent like you, no wonder she's miserable. Do you like anything about her? |
Anonymous
| Take her to therapy. You need to work on developing a better relationship. |
Anonymous
| You need family therapy. ASAP. |