Firing an employee tomorrow and I’m dreading it

[Anonymous]

I’m a senior manager who’s never had to fire an employee for cause until now. I have no doubt it’s the right thing to do but it feels rotten.

The employee is creative, committed, and hard working but struggles to meet deadlines, collaborate well with others, often shows poor judgement, does not apply feedback, and disrespects my role as her supervisor. Several managers have warned me not to trust her, and while I’ve tried to give her the benefit of the doubt, she has betrayed my trust on several occasions.

Although I have ample cause to fire her, I’m having a very hard time with this decision. She’s had a tough life and it’s about to get much tougher.

For those of you who’ve done this before, how do you separate your feelings from your duty? Does it get easier?

[Anonymous]

Firing should never be a surprise to the employee. Absent something egregious like embezzlement, there should be clearly communicated events. "If you miss the next deadline / speak to your coworkers unprofessionally again, you will be fired." If you have done this, she'll know it's coming because you told her it would.
If this is just you drawing a line after building frustration but not communicating the stakes, yeah you should feel bad.

[Anonymous]

I have regretted not firing more people than firing them. If you have the case you have built it. And it is good for them to get this feedback and learn from it (though I assume that this employee has been notified of poor reviews etc previous to this)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Firing should never be a surprise to the employee. Absent something egregious like embezzlement, there should be clearly communicated events. "If you miss the next deadline / speak to your coworkers unprofessionally again, you will be fired." If you have done this, she'll know it's coming because you told her it would.
If this is just you drawing a line after building frustration but not communicating the stakes, yeah you should feel bad.

This is fair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a senior manager who’s never had to fire an employee for cause until now. I have no doubt it’s the right thing to do but it feels rotten.

The employee is creative, committed, and hard working but struggles to meet deadlines, collaborate well with others, often shows poor judgement, does not apply feedback, and disrespects my role as her supervisor. Several managers have warned me not to trust her, and while I’ve tried to give her the benefit of the doubt, she has betrayed my trust on several occasions.

Although I have ample cause to fire her, I’m having a very hard time with this decision. She’s had a tough life and it’s about to get much tougher.

For those of you who’ve done this before, how do you separate your feelings from your duty? Does it get easier?

that odd , by the time you are a senior manager you should have fired at least 2-5 people.

When I was an entry-level manager, the first week into my job, I was tasked to fire 2 people. overall in my 25 year career i have fired about 10-12 people.

You get used to it, its not personal its just not working out, not a good fit and they are better off finding another job. Don't cherry pick the positives, the negatives outweight them especially disrepect to you, just focus on that negatives thats how i get over it.

[Anonymous]

This won’t be a surprise. She’s received negative feedback for missing deadlines and not taking direction. She often notes ADHD as the cause, but she’s never requested accommodations or shared an official diagnosis. As the parent of a child with ADHD, I’ve done what I could to provide clear direction and support anyway, including regular check-ins, clear feedback, and written instructions. Our CEO has expressed frustration to me about her and fully backs this decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This won’t be a surprise. She’s received negative feedback for missing deadlines and not taking direction. She often notes ADHD as the cause, but she’s never requested accommodations or shared an official diagnosis. As the parent of a child with ADHD, I’ve done what I could to provide clear direction and support anyway, including regular check-ins, clear feedback, and written instructions. Our CEO has expressed frustration to me about her and fully backs this decision.

One additional cause: During a verbal discussion when I gave her feedback on several missed deadlines and misleading status reports, she walked out of our meeting mid-conversation and went to the CEO, my boss, to complain about my failure to manage her time better. My boss recommended firing her for cause and at that point, I was done making excuses for her.

[Anonymous]

If you're in the private sector, this shouldn't give you pause at all. The conversation you described suffices as a clear-cut last-chance warning, which the employee disregarded in a way that was extremely insulting to you.

It's not a big deal.

[Anonymous]

It is not pleasant but it is your job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This won’t be a surprise. She’s received negative feedback for missing deadlines and not taking direction. She often notes ADHD as the cause, but she’s never requested accommodations or shared an official diagnosis. As the parent of a child with ADHD, I’ve done what I could to provide clear direction and support anyway, including regular check-ins, clear feedback, and written instructions. Our CEO has expressed frustration to me about her and fully backs this decision.

One additional cause: During a verbal discussion when I gave her feedback on several missed deadlines and misleading status reports, she walked out of our meeting mid-conversation and went to the CEO, my boss, to complain about my failure to manage her time better. My boss recommended firing her for cause and at that point, I was done making excuses for her.

Honestly, I don’t think you should be in this “she’s so terrible so I can feel fine about it” emotional space. It shouldn’t be personal. It’s not like people only get fired for being rude or bad at their jobs. You need to take the emotional and the personal out of it. This is part of your job and once the decision is made, the argument is over. There’s no upside to litigating the specifics, even in your own head. You need to get very cold and detached about it before you go in. Write a script that is just about the logistics of severing, not about the causes, and stick to it like a robot. You’re not her friend or her parent. Get your head on straight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a senior manager who’s never had to fire an employee for cause until now. I have no doubt it’s the right thing to do but it feels rotten.

The employee is creative, committed, and hard working but struggles to meet deadlines, collaborate well with others, often shows poor judgement, does not apply feedback, and disrespects my role as her supervisor. Several managers have warned me not to trust her, and while I’ve tried to give her the benefit of the doubt, she has betrayed my trust on several occasions.

Although I have ample cause to fire her, I’m having a very hard time with this decision. She’s had a tough life and it’s about to get much tougher.

For those of you who’ve done this before, how do you separate your feelings from your duty? Does it get easier?

No, it should not ever be easier to fire someone. If it has, you've lost your humanity and should consider a new line of work.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry. I have never had to fire anybody, but my husband has. Even when it is for cause, I know it affects him and it takes a huge toll on him. So make sure to take care of yourself too.

[Anonymous]

Does she own guns?

[Anonymous]

Never do it solo - you want someone else in the room as a witness, always, and at an table empty but for a box of tisues (you don't want them to pick up a stapler and throw it at your head). You never know a person's reaction, from storming out mad, to throwing things mad, to tears, to psychotic break and threaten to kill themself (yes that last one happened, I had someone call 911 and was able to prevent them from leaving until the emergency personnel arrived)

[Anonymous]

I think your intuition is making you uncomfortable. Listen to it. Have someone else there as a witness. This person might have a bad reaction to the news based on your previous experience.