24 Year Old DD with ASD Doesn’t Want to Leave the House

[Anonymous]

DD is 24 and has ASD. Since mid-December, she has not wanted to leave the house. She graduated from college and is very smart and capable, but right now she is unable to work. She says home is her safe place. Everything outside feels overwhelming, & too much pressure.

Yesterday she did agree to leave briefly, but returned overwhelmed and overstimulated,and the change in routine was hard since she hadn’t been out since mid-December. When we are out, we usually do fun activities with her throughout the day, but even that can feel too much right now. At home, we just hang out together—she’s active at home and loves spending time with us. She struggles a lot with change, transitions, and overstimulation, so any tips on managing that would be greatly appreciated.

I’m struggling to balance compassion with concern. Should we push her to go out or leave her alone until she’s ready?

For parents who’ve been through something similar with an ASD kiddo, what concrete strategies actually helped? How did you support them without pushing too hard?

[Anonymous]

Absolutely push her. Have her do one walk around the neighborhood a day and one errand-type-thing each day. She can choose the timing (obviously she won't want to hit the grocery store during rush hour when it's busy and rushed) but she has to get out. The longer she stays in the harder it'll be to get out.

[Anonymous]

She's not a kiddo. She's a young adult. It's so important that you see her that way.

Suggest you look into the SPACE protocol so that you stop enabling her. Anxiety can feed on avoidance and accommodation.

[Anonymous]

I would get her into therapy.

[Anonymous]

Don't allow them to use their disability as a crutch.

[Anonymous]

I would trial an anxiety med and evaluate for depression. And absolutely do not let her go all day without leaving the house. She needs exercise, sunlight, and fresh air for her mental health and circadian rhythm. She must at least sit on the front steps or walk around the block.

You need to get that she's at risk of long term failure to launch. The more this state entrenches, the harder it will be for her to get out of it.

[Anonymous]

Yes, every day she has to leave the house. How about a 10 minute walk every day to start then up the time by 5 minutes every week. Errands twice a week on Wednesday and Sunday. Errands can be not related to people at first—drive through car wash/drive through coffee pickup. Then get her more exposure to people and situations. Make specific, actionable goals and track them to see progress.

[Anonymous]

Therapy

Not out since Mid Dec is not ok.

[Anonymous]

I'm move away from 'doing fun activities throughout the day' toward a focus on regular, routinized activities - a trip to the library, grocery store, or pharmacy; a yoga or exercise class; a daily walk to the park; etc.

And yes, engage with medical practitioners! Your kid would likely benefit from therapy (find a neurodivergent-competent practitioner) and meds.

[Anonymous]

The concern I would have is that the less she gos out the harder it is. Conversely success begets success.

I would be considering what my expectations are and how to get there. We had a similar situation where anxiety completely debilitated my son. And the two things that moved him along was identifying expectations and enforcing them even if we had to physically take him out of the house and a psychiatrist who listened and prescribed the as close to perfect cocktail of medication that he has ever had. Had we not forced the issue, I am convinced he’d still be holed up in my living room. It took a long time though.

Another issue you are facing is that if you are expecting her to get a job, the longer she goes without one, the harder it is to get one. Eventually it’s virtually impossible.

[Anonymous]

How’d she get through college? Point out she did it before and copy that system.

[Anonymous]

Her anxiety is too closely linked to her autism, so traditional methods of treating anxiety havent been very helpful. She usually doesn’t go places alone, and right now isn’t going into public spaces, but she does get outside daily for fresh air and sunlight (fenced in backyard/front yard/balcony) in our quite neighborhood and always did, so she isn’t avoiding being outside entirely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's not a kiddo. She's a young adult. It's so important that you see her that way.

Suggest you look into the SPACE protocol so that you stop enabling her. Anxiety can feed on avoidance and accommodation.

Yeah, you need to push her. Every day that she doesn't go out because it's "too hard" and you say "okay" is the equivalent of saying "you're right, this is too hard for you."

[Anonymous]

Do you know what kind of life she is desiring? Does she have goals? I had major social anxiety but forced myself to get a job and roommates after college because I wanted a regular life. I could see if I wasn’t embarrassed to tell my parents about all my anxieties and they allowed me to wallow in them I would feel like it’s ok to not do anything and stay safe at home with books, hobbies etc.. Luckily with practice the anxiety has lessened to the point that I have friends, a husband, children, etc and a life I enjoy.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry to hear this. I have an ASD teen and an ASD family member with school refusal and not wanting to leave the house.

Before I chime in, I think more information would be helpful. Is your child medicated and in therapy?