Are there any middle aged or older out there who are truly happy?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
Im 38F, married with a 1 and 3 year old. my long term friends and I started our 20s with such hope, potential for a happy life but it seems life has beaten all of us down in one way or another. im now one of the only ones who isn't medicated for depression or anxiety.
I have difficult days but overall I am fairly happy. when I look at women older than me (my mother, MIL, aunt, various family friends) in their 50s or 60s they are all in bad shape physically and/or mentally. I don't personally know any older women living a life I would be happy with. Are there any older women out there living their best life who can give me some hope? If so, what factors do you think have helped you to live your life in a way that you are now happy and healthy in your 50s/60s and beyond? Thanks in advance for any insights. |
Anonymous
| The wealthy #DINKWADS# seem to be living it up and loving life in their 60s and beyond but, like you, that ship has sailed for me so not sure what the best answer is. |
Anonymous
| Maybe you have a narrow view of happiness? I am quite happy. I am 48. |
Anonymous
|
58. I’m pretty happy. Could things be better? Sure. I could have shorter commute, more interesting work, $$ to do home improvements, DH who does more around the house, etc. BUT lots of things are good and I recognize how fortunate my family and I are - all healthy, my kids are amazing people, DH and I are employed with stable careers, and DH has many great qualities.
I think a lot of happiness has to do with perspective. It’s so easy to get bogged down with small stuff. I try to take a step (sometimes I have to take many steps) back to see how fortunate I am and focus on the good things. Best of luck. It really will get easier as your kids get older. |
Anonymous
|
Mid 60s and I feel like I’ve lived and am living a wonderful and happy life. Here are some of the things I attribute it to.
I tend to view things and people in a really positive light and avoid being cynical or holding on to anger. If things aren’t how I want them to be, I change it if it’s in my control. Like, I had a few years recently where I wasn’t happy with my job so I retired and got a new one. If it’s not in my control I either accept it or move it out of my life. I have a close family and my spouse and I really enjoy being together. We don’t bean count about who does what, we appreciate each other, and we’re really nice to each other all the time. We’re active and physically fit, which takes going to the gym regularly and having interests that get to out and moving. We get out and do things all the time. We almost never sit around and binge watch TV unless it’s cold and rainy. We go to shows and to see live music a lot. We love being on the water and spend almost every summer weekend kayaking, biking and boating. We take tons of day and weekend trips and spent decades being hometown tourists. We travel. All in all, I think if you knew me, you would think my life is one you would be happy with. |
Anonymous
|
My aunt (60s) seems happy. She plays pickleball and golf, travels, hosts, paints, belongs to a country club, does karaoke, gardens … and she’s wealthy.
Her sister, my mother, is not happy. Also in her 60s, my mom refuses invitations to events, watches a lot of morbid TV, yells at her family & neighbors, and avoids my phone calls. She has hobbies and she loves her grandchildren, so at least there’s that. My mom is deep in debt, which doesn’t help. Money can’t make you happy, but it definitely makes life easier and a little sweeter. |
Anonymous
| Your current perspective is highly influenced by a 1 and 3 year old. They are hard years! It seems you can never finish a task before someone needs something from you. This s is temporary and it will slow down. That said, my DH and I are 69 and 70 and life is good. We are both active, travel when we want, and are able and willing to help with our new baby grandchild. My only suggestion is to focus on your young family and your relationship with your spouse. The rest really isn’t that important. |
Anonymous
|
I agree that you’re likely unhappy because the early years of parenting is hard. 1 and 3 was hard for me, I felt like I could never rest, dh and I fought a lot more.
My kids are now teens who are helpful and independent. It’s not 100% worry free, of course, but I sleep more and can reason with them, so it’s just a lot easier. And despite being terrified of the state of our country, I’m relatively happy because at home and at work things are going well. |
Anonymous
|
Hard to be “truly happy” with a 1 year old and a preschooler. Tough tiring years.
I’m 47 and would say I’m overall pretty happy. Like my work some days, drives me nuts (office politic stuff) other days. Wish I had more friends. Otherwise - love my teens and they are doing great so far, love DH, nice little house out in the burbs and I look forward to vacations. I was never striving for a “top shelf” life though and always just wanted a happy, secure UMC one. Some of the people I know that seem most unhappy are those that seem to have come to DC wanting “more” even if objectively they have really good lives. |
Anonymous
| The years my kids were 1 and 3 - I was 38 - best time of my life. Wish I had that time to live again. |
Anonymous
|
Please sit back and enjoy your children.
I’m 59, retired six months ago, am very happy but I wouldn’t wish away the difficult child rearing years. We were frugal and retired early and are now snowbirds in our condo on the water in Florida. I love it. So much to do, and we’ll move back to the Midwest in April. Plan far ahead., |
Anonymous
|
For me life was hard, because of lousy partners. It was easier to change stressful jobs than to get out of relationships.
Work adds to my life as I only work 20 hours a week and can easily take 3-4 months a year off. Getting together with friends and being more active would add to my happiness. |
Anonymous
|
You are in a transient phase of parenting. If 1 and 3 year olds aren't your jam, it can be really tough!!
My kids are older now (I'm 45) and I am a much happier parent. You need to figure out what "happy" means to you, because it means something different to everyone. I had a very lonely, dysfunctional childhood with a mentally unstable parent and abuse from an older person. Now, just being in a happy, healthy, safe home makes me very happy. I might look like a failure from the outside - I don't make a lot of money, I don't have an "important" job, I don't look like a supermodel and I don't drive a fancy car. But I love my little family and the life we've created. |
Anonymous
I'm not sure many people are responding to this point, but we probably need more information. You don't think you would be happy with the lives they are living, but are they happy? If unhappy, what about? Things may change, values may change, what you're grateful for may change. Agree that with ages 1 and 3 there will be a lot of difficult days. But I would not have described myself as "fairly happy" like you do. About a decade later, minus a husband who walked out on us which was gut wrenching, I'm actually happier than I was then. I'm older, in worse shape, another decade lost to the sands of time, but have so much more in my control. I am medicated but I'm fine with that; better to be medicated and happy than not. I realize I do have role models who were divorced/single in their older years, and I do think they had full, joyful lives. I'm hesitantly hoping that the next decade or two will bring similar amounts of freedom and joy even on a path I would not have chosen. |
Anonymous
|
Upper 50’s here and happier than I was in my 40’s. Kids are launched, cut back on work, and workout much more than I did during the young kid phase. The daily grind isn’t nearly as taxing as it was and I am much better about not worrying about keeping up with the Jones or having enough for our kids to go to college.
Physically and mentally feeling great at this stage. |