Weight Gain in Young Adult Son
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Anonymous
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Okay, so this is a very sensitive situation that me and DH are very conflicted about.
DS is 20, and move out of our house for college (2 hours away) around a year and a half ago. He has never been skinny, and food moderation and activity has always been something we have had to work on, and is something we are particularly sensitive to because obesity runs in both my and DH’s family. For context, my father was 400lbs+ and died from complications from obesity in his mid-fifties. Both me and DH have spent a significant amount of effort to maintain a healthy weight, and have tried to install this on our kids. When he left for college, DA was 5 foot 11 and around 210lbs (give or take). He was definitely overweight, but he has also had a ‘thick’ body type and was generally healthy enough. Over the course of the last year and a half he has been noticeably gaining weight, something we have brought up when he has been home, though we haven’t pushed it beyond encouraging him to be active and keep an eye on his weight. When he came home for the holidays, he had very clearly put on additional weight since thanksgiving. We didn’t bring it up until after Christmas when his younger brother made a comment that he was getting really fat (not appropriate, I know, and we have talked to younger DS about it). DS admitted he was around 285lbs during the conversation that followed, which honestly surprised us because we hadn’t asked about his weight since he left for college, and while we knew he had put on a significant amount of weight, I don’t think we expected that he had put on that much weight. He expressed that he wasn’t interested in discussing his weight any more, and that he wanted to handle it himself, while acknowledging that he was significantly overweight. Me and DH are conflicted because he is 20 and is an adult, and we want him to be independent without us trying to ‘butt in’ to his life, but his weight, and especially his rapid weight gain, is incredibly concerning, and we are struggling to trust that he will be able to independently make the changes necessary to address this issue. He is still young, and we don’t want this to become a problem that spirals even further out of control, so we need advice about whether we should press this issue, and if so how we can help him with him being located two hours away for much of the year. |
Anonymous
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This is so hard. I’m sorry. I’m used to hearing about women with food/weight issues but reminder all people can struggle. Given this is a 70 lb weight gain since starting college (not say 10 or 15 lbs) and he is a young adult at 20: can you: gently casually remind he has a primary doctor annual visit he needs to schedule (just like everyone else in the family).) hoping he might hear something there that would inspire/help. Along with that have very casual asks of how’s everything going? What’s new? Because I believe depression/stress/something else is going on. If finances allow, can you get him to consider therapy at school or at home and pay for it/get it on insurance? Most of all - in those check in conversations nonverbally or verbally get across that you love him no matter what. You and dad are proud of him. He is valuable and the world is lucky to have him in it.
While I’ve only been someone who struggles with 10-20 pounds, one things my parents did right was never make me feel less than or directly call it out. I always felt loved so when I found myself back to healthy weight when i was ready I never resented them or it gave me a complex. I would not embarrass him in anyw way shape or form; at most buy healthy food for everyone when he was visiting. |
Anonymous
| Is he drinking? My DS gained quite a bit of weight during a period of drinking too much. |
Anonymous
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Compulsive eating. Stress reducer. Loneliness reducer.
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Anonymous
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If you can afford it - offer to pay for some personal training of the non- meathead variety. Someone with a degree who factors in nutrition. Also, insist upon lipid profile and bloodwork for standard adult health maintenance. |
Anonymous
| I like the personal training offer or offer to pay for classes like orange theory or a nice gym membership. Along the lines of “we want to support you in your healthy journey”. |
Anonymous
| If obesity runs in your family, it’s likely a metabolic issue. He should work with his doctor and doesn’t need you nagging him about his food choices and exercise. I’d suggest he talk to his doctor and leave it at that. He already thinks you’re judging him. |
Anonymous
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Obesity may run but in my case compulsive eating patterns developed early. I gained 100 pounds senior year in HS. Nobody said a word.
Working out may not be a complete solution. Counseling or support might. Oa.org has online meetings for focuses like men or young adults. Just a thought. Healthy weight a long time now. |
Anonymous
This. Beer calories. |
Anonymous
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You and your husband say nothing. Your rude a** other child already did.
Shame on him. |
Anonymous
It's not rude at all. Awkward, maybe, but if family can't talk about a serious issue like this, who can. |
Anonymous
Gaining 50 plus pounds from drinking would be another troubling issue, if that is the reason. |
Anonymous
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You caused him to have an eating issue.
You don't say something to your kid about their weight over and over again. You did this when he lived with you and you did it when he came home. You think he didn't notice? You suck as a parent. He will figure it out shut up |
Anonymous
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Find out if your health insurance covers consultations with a registered dietician. I know Faye Nutrition has RDs who will meet over Zoom.
He might respond better to professional help that doesn't involve you and is something he can take care of on his own. |
Anonymous
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The only option I see is hiring someone in his college town to cook and bring him relatively healthy meals.
College kids don’t have the time and are lazy so they eat crap. Giving them better fuel is the answer |