Reply to Weight Gain in Young Adult Son

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[quote=Anonymous]Okay, so this is a very sensitive situation that me and DH are very conflicted about.

DS is 20, and move out of our house for college (2 hours away) around a year and a half ago. He has never been skinny, and food moderation and activity has always been something we have had to work on, and is something we are particularly sensitive to because obesity runs in both my and DH’s family. For context, my father was 400lbs+ and died from complications from obesity in his mid-fifties. Both me and DH have spent a significant amount of effort to maintain a healthy weight, and have tried to install this on our kids.

When he left for college, DA was 5 foot 11 and around 210lbs (give or take). He was definitely overweight, but he has also had a ‘thick’ body type and was generally healthy enough. Over the course of the last year and a half he has been noticeably gaining weight, something we have brought up when he has been home, though we haven’t pushed it beyond encouraging him to be active and keep an eye on his weight.

When he came home for the holidays, he had very clearly put on additional weight since thanksgiving. We didn’t bring it up until after Christmas when his younger brother made a comment that he was getting really fat (not appropriate, I know, and we have talked to younger DS about it). DS admitted he was around 285lbs during the conversation that followed, which honestly surprised us because we hadn’t asked about his weight since he left for college, and while we knew he had put on a significant amount of weight, I don’t think we expected that he had put on that much weight.

He expressed that he wasn’t interested in discussing his weight any more, and that he wanted to handle it himself, while acknowledging that he was significantly overweight.

Me and DH are conflicted because he is 20 and is an adult, and we want him to be independent without us trying to ‘butt in’ to his life, but his weight, and especially his rapid weight gain, is incredibly concerning, and we are struggling to trust that he will be able to independently make the changes necessary to address this issue. He is still young, and we don’t want this to become a problem that spirals even further out of control, so we need advice about whether we should press this issue, and if so how we can help him with him being located two hours away for much of the year.[/quote]

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