If your spouse ruined something by accident in the process of trying to be helpful, how would you react?

[Anonymous]

The thing they ruined is replaceable but costly and this 100% came from a place of spouse trying to be helpful.

In the example used in the discussion with my coworkers, Spouse A ruined something related to Spouse B's hobby. But it could also be something like spouse was trying to help with laundry and put something in the dryer that shouldn't have gone in.

FWIW, DH and I have both done this to each other, thought thankfully nothing outrageously expensive was ruined. There was no yelling or even really being that mad. There was annoyance but then we moved on. And DH and I sure as hell paid more attention to things going forward.

[Anonymous]

What?

[Anonymous]

Accidents happen.

However, if its something like laundry and I’ve already told them more than once to just leave it so I can properly source, I’d be upset because that transitions from an accident and more into willful disregard.

[Anonymous]

Weponized incompetence needs to be shamed and not tolerated.

[Anonymous]

Context matters.

If there’s a history of them ruining my things and shrugging it off with “oops! Mistakes happen!” I’d be furious. To me that divorce-worthy.

A one time mistake and they replace the item? I’d forgive.

[Anonymous]

Accidentally shrunk and/or felted something you knit by hand? BTDT. I was upset (as I would have been had I ruined it myself) but not angry. And now he knows what not to do again.

[Anonymous]

This is not worth getting mad over if you want to have a happy marriage. My spouse does the laundry but doesn't own anything that can't be dried. That means I've needed to replace a few wool sweaters over the years, but whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Context matters.

If there’s a history of them ruining my things and shrugging it off with “oops! Mistakes happen!” I’d be furious. To me that divorce-worthy.

A one time mistake and they replace the item? I’d forgive.

This.

One off rare accident, they apologize and sensibly set to make it right? Ok work through it.

Pattern of mindless, thoughtless, careless “accidents?” Not OK.
Followed by a Pattern of excuses, blaming others, no real apology, no real vow to do better? Way not OK.
They need habit changes, accountability, DBT therapy.

[Anonymous]

Threw away costly jewelry?

Ignorant?

[Anonymous]

Ok.

[Anonymous]

I don't view laundry as trying to be helpful unless done by a child.

So there's that.

Adults should know how to manage laundry.


As others have pointed out there's also context .

[Anonymous]

As with all reactions, my first thought is: it has already happened, right?

It does no good to react harshly

[Anonymous]

It’s never good to get your panties in a bunch about stuff like this.

[Anonymous]

LOL as long as no one is phyiscaly hurt who the hell cares.

DH has definitely ruined some stuff by putting them in the dryer. Not on purpose tired one night.

Was I annoyed sure did I tell him absolutely not.

He was trying to be helpful.

These are not things that are important OP

[Anonymous]

We’re talking about just a thing? And some say it’s divorce worthy? I don’t get that. Things are replaceable. Even if it’s annoying it comes from a good place. So not that it’s fine but it was an accident and I’m not perfect either.

Also, I wouldn’t choose to have my spouse replace something from my hobby because there might be an upgrade I want or something different I’d prefer.