He hasn't had sex in 6 years

[Anonymous]

We've been seeing each other since September recently have become exclusive and have discussed having sex.
By his own admission he was very promiscuous in the past largely due to heavy drinking in his 20s. He's spent the past several years getting physically and mentally healthy.

How concerned should I be?

[Anonymous]

Sex addiction. Hes a sex addict.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sex addiction. Hes a sex addict.

Certainly possible, but process addictions (workaholism, overeating, etc.) aren't the same as substance addictions. It sounds like he has a good understanding of his past behavior, and a strong desire to avoid it. An addict with some recovery is certainly preferable to an addict who can't/won't/hasn't yet admit(ted) they're an addict.

I did a lot of coke in my 20s. I haven't touched coke in decades, and won't. People can and do change.

[Anonymous]

I did not have sex for 7 years when I was married. I am a woman. Low T was an issue (also the fact that we never should have married).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
We've been seeing each other since September recently have become exclusive and have discussed having sex.
By his own admission he was very promiscuous in the past largely due to heavy drinking in his 20s. He's spent the past several years getting physically and mentally healthy.

How concerned should I be?

Sounds like he’s done a lot of good self-reflection and work on himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
We've been seeing each other since September recently have become exclusive and have discussed having sex.
By his own admission he was very promiscuous in the past largely due to heavy drinking in his 20s. He's spent the past several years getting physically and mentally healthy.

How concerned should I be?

He’s BS’ing you…

[Anonymous]

Yeah ..He’s def BS-in’ you. He prob has ED

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sex addiction. Hes a sex addict.

Certainly possible, but process addictions (workaholism, overeating, etc.) aren't the same as substance addictions. It sounds like he has a good understanding of his past behavior, and a strong desire to avoid it. An addict with some recovery is certainly preferable to an addict who can't/won't/hasn't yet admit(ted) they're an addict.

I did a lot of coke in my 20s. I haven't touched coke in decades, and won't. People can and do change.

Sex addiction is way more dangerous than “workaholism”. Vast majority of addicts cheat and put their health and safety at risk.

[Anonymous]

I would expect porn addiction.

[Anonymous]

It’s possible he was just married during that time.

[Anonymous]

I was with a woman recently who had about the same dry spell. She had a long-term boyfriend and they broke up during Covid (had difficult meeting up due to restrictions), then she never found another guy to date until now. I dont' think she was a sex addict, just was focused on her career and didnt' have a lot of time for dating.

[Anonymous]

STD like herpes?

It's a yellow flag. I suppose you'll find out more soon.

My husband had never been in a relationship. He's an amazing man and catch!

[Anonymous]

Not at all.

How refreshing it should be that he is not only being honest but that he also has not been sleeping around.

Sounds like he sowed all his oats in his youth.

I would consider this all a very good thing from a personal perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sex addiction. Hes a sex addict.

Certainly possible, but process addictions (workaholism, overeating, etc.) aren't the same as substance addictions. It sounds like he has a good understanding of his past behavior, and a strong desire to avoid it. An addict with some recovery is certainly preferable to an addict who can't/won't/hasn't yet admit(ted) they're an addict.

I did a lot of coke in my 20s. I haven't touched coke in decades, and won't. People can and do change.

Sex addiction is way more dangerous than “workaholism”. Vast majority of addicts cheat and put their health and safety at risk.

Very few people have one addiction. The workaholism and sex addiction probably go hand in hand. One makes the money to fund and the connections to fsck for the other, and also a tidy excuse of "working late". There's also an addiction to lying to one's partner(s) that's common to both. And I doubt these people are doing all this sober...

Everyone's addicted to something(s). The question is how aware of it they are and how honest they can be with others. Someone telling you they had a problem they noticed years ago and have taken steps to address is less of a risk than someone who claims they have no issues.

[Anonymous]

He might be low drive. He might be lying. He might have spent that time working on himself, in more ways than one.

He also might have been scared of getting hurt. After my divorce, I dated several women who had really long dry spells. 8 years, 3 years and 2 years. They were all very horny once our relationships started. I think the one who said she'd been celibate for 8; years just masturbated a lot. The other two said their sex drives had shut down almost completely and they went years without sex or masturbation. (One of them told me she started masturbating a lot after she met me.) These women also had gone through some very difficult situations with their exes. The guys had been mentally or even physically abusive. The women admitted they were scared of being with new men.

A man can have similar emotions, though I think that happens less often than it does with women.