Has anyone held off retiring because they don't want to spend tons of time with their spouse?

[Anonymous]

My dad kept working until my mom died because their marriage wasn't great. He retired once he got a serious girlfriend. My marriage is better than my parents' but I have no interest in spending most of my waking hours with my spouse. He's type B, I am not. Has anyone made a retirement of different temperaments work, or should I just keep working/plan to volunteer a lot?

[Anonymous]

🤣🤣🤣

[Anonymous]

That's pretty wild OP. We both retired same time because we wanted to spend more time together. I can't even imagine...

[Anonymous]

This situation doesn't apply to me and my DH as we aren't retirement age, but I personally know of at least one lady holding off on retiring for just this reason. If I think about it some more, I'm sure I know others so it must be pretty common.

[Anonymous]

That’s seriously messed up.

[Anonymous]

Why are you still married?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's pretty wild OP. We both retired same time because we wanted to spend more time together. I can't even imagine...

OP here. H has been retired over 4 years and hasn't done a blessed thing. No solo travel, no volunteering. A lot of bike riding and drinking. I would rather be at the office.

[Anonymous]

My spouse and I are both retired (early) and we just lead largely separate lives. It works for us. No way in hell I'd keep working just to avoid a spouse. You shouldn't let any other human being have that much power over you. You only have one life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you still married?

What do you mean? If someone doesn't want to spend 24/7 with another person, they shouldn't be married? I like to travel, volunteer, spend time with my friends. My H is an introvert and type B, with not many hobbies. We did great together when our couple time was very limited due to both working 5 days a week in the office plus having two kids, with their activities. Many couples suffer from a lack of connection during those years but we were a well oiled machine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My spouse and I are both retired (early) and we just lead largely separate lives. It works for us. No way in hell I'd keep working just to avoid a spouse. You shouldn't let any other human being have that much power over you. You only have one life.

I continue to work in anticipation of a private equity exit. I'm not working to avoid my spouse. Once I'm done with my current job, i'm wondering if I should get another one or develop a serious volunteer commitment to avoid spending too much time with my spouse. He likes to go long stretches without talking, he and I do not share the same political views, I am higher energy. I enjoy him in small doses, like for 3 hours a night, but worry about unlimited time. You know the saying, "I married for better or worse, but not for lunch"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's pretty wild OP. We both retired same time because we wanted to spend more time together. I can't even imagine...

Do you have the same hobbies or both like to travel?

[Anonymous]

Yes OP I've known several couples like that. Usually it's the 10+ years younger professional wife who keeps working to avoid sending whole day with aging grumpy husband. Men become more laid back and are nearly not as active in their 60s and 70s as women. My mother is divorced and she's solo traveling around the world

Is your husband ok with you solo traveling or he'll be pissed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes OP I've known several couples like that. Usually it's the 10+ years younger professional wife who keeps working to avoid sending whole day with aging grumpy husband. Men become more laid back and are nearly not as active in their 60s and 70s as women. My mother is divorced and she's solo traveling around the world

Is your husband ok with you solo traveling or he'll be pissed?

Relieved he doesn't have to go. He has garden-variety level anxiety and travel triggers it. Low grade hoarder, packs heavily for trips that he does take, needs his "stuff" with him all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes OP I've known several couples like that. Usually it's the 10+ years younger professional wife who keeps working to avoid sending whole day with aging grumpy husband. Men become more laid back and are nearly not as active in their 60s and 70s as women. My mother is divorced and she's solo traveling around the world

Is your husband ok with you solo traveling or he'll be pissed?

Relieved he doesn't have to go. He has garden-variety level anxiety and travel triggers it. Low grade hoarder, packs heavily for trips that he does take, needs his "stuff" with him all the time.

Yes, so you can travel solo. My friend's mom is doing it for almost 20 years with an older/sick husband. He has a house aide when she's away

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My spouse and I are both retired (early) and we just lead largely separate lives. It works for us. No way in hell I'd keep working just to avoid a spouse. You shouldn't let any other human being have that much power over you. You only have one life.

I continue to work in anticipation of a private equity exit. I'm not working to avoid my spouse. Once I'm done with my current job, i'm wondering if I should get another one or develop a serious volunteer commitment to avoid spending too much time with my spouse. He likes to go long stretches without talking, he and I do not share the same political views, I am higher energy. I enjoy him in small doses, like for 3 hours a night, but worry about unlimited time. You know the saying, "I married for better or worse, but not for lunch"?

You're contradicting yourself. You say you're not working to avoid your spouse, then you say you'd keep working to avoid your spouse.