Would you choose a school that is better academically or a better social fit?

[Anonymous]

I’m really struggling with this. We are a minority family and live in a strong public school district where 25-30% of the population looks like us. Private schools are stronger academically but my child will likely be only a handful of kids in the grade that are our same minority.

DD is in elementary.

[Anonymous]

Are you sure privates are stronger academically?

[Anonymous]

24-30%? What exactly are you looking for? Many schools have no more than 30% of any given race. That’s a good thing not a bad thing. I want my kid to go to school that doesn’t have a dominant racial group.

[Anonymous]

What you mean look like you fool

[Anonymous]

East Asian here. Always academics. Always. The social resolves itself, and if it doesn't, it was never going to resolve itself.

Case in point: one of my kids has autism. He's been in various schools - we lived abroad and he attended majority East Asian private international schools - and he was never able to socialize, due to his neurodivergence. My other, younger, children spent most of their education in American public schools, where they are in the ethnic minority, and they have made all kinds of friends from all cultures and origins.

So... academics.

Also. A quarter of people that look like you??? That's such a large minority that you can't really complain, OP! What kind of fragile snowflake are you? My goodness.

[Anonymous]

11:16 again. In the DC area, OP, there are only a very small handful of privates that are better than the best publics of southwest MCPS and some FCPS schools. St Albans/NCS and Sidwell come to mind.

[Anonymous]

Depends why I’d be choosing private school. We switched for smaller class sizes and lack of faith in mcps.

Private schools arent always stronger academically, depends on the private and which public’s schools you would be at.

[Anonymous]

If the private school is academically superior, then private school, but make sure the non-school community supporting the child is solid.

[Anonymous]

Social.
You can supplement academics if needed.
- a minority who went to the private school for academics and it was hell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:East Asian here. Always academics. Always. The social resolves itself, and if it doesn't, it was never going to resolve itself.

Case in point: one of my kids has autism. He's been in various schools - we lived abroad and he attended majority East Asian private international schools - and he was never able to socialize, due to his neurodivergence. My other, younger, children spent most of their education in American public schools, where they are in the ethnic minority, and they have made all kinds of friends from all cultures and origins.

So... academics.

Also. A quarter of people that look like you??? That's such a large minority that you can't really complain, OP! What kind of fragile snowflake are you? My goodness.

Kind of rude, huh? OP isn’t complaining about the % of their group at the public, they’re worried about being an extreme minority at the private.

Depending on what race OP is, as well as other unpredictable factors (child’s personality, tendency towards popularity) being the extreme minority at the private may or may not be a difficult experience. On average, it’s probably easier for an East Asian kid in a more white environment than say a Black kid, since Asians are more white adjacent, although it also depends. Social class can also influence dynamics too.

Also, you say your public is strong but the academics are better at the privates you’re looking at. I can relate, we are zoned for “strong” public’s but chose a tech free private for the academics. This is a gross generalization but if the academics are that much better at the private and you’re Asian, it might be more worth it. If you’re Black or Latino, I’d prob stay with the bigger same-race cohort in public.

-East Asian child of immigrants who grew up as an extreme minority in the Midwest and didn’t love it, but who thinks my kids would have an easier time being a minority bc their parents aren’t immigrants. Also, there was no K-pop Demon Hunters in the 80s…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the private school is academically superior, then private school, but make sure the non-school community supporting the child is solid.

1953 here, I agree that if you choose private and racial/ethnic identity, sense of belonging, etc is important to you, you def need a strong community for your kids to meet kids with similar background outside of school. That was my lifeline, growing up as an extreme minority, to have a non school Asian friend community through church, language school, etc.

[Anonymous]

Another minority family and I would choose public. One of my friend’s just moved her kid to a more diverse school for their sanity. We are completely supported and feel very safe with our public school community (families, faculty and admin). I can’t say we would feel the same anywhere else so if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Social.
You can supplement academics if needed.
- a minority who went to the private school for academics and it was hell.

I think I’m inclined to say this as well.

[Anonymous]

It depends on the kid.

If the kid is learning a lot and doing well in public, why move?

On the other hand, if the kid is way beyond her age peers and the private school provides opportunities that the public school doesn't, it could be worth the extra money.

[Anonymous]

Another poster joining in skeptical that privates are stronger academically. In a good school district area, the smarter and average kids are more likely to stick with public, so the kids in private are not necessarily there for the academics. They're there for the lifestyle, for the faith sometime, or because they weren't doing well in public.

It's so important to really take a hard look at the data here so you don't end up disappointed. Think about what "better" actually means to you-- is it peer behavior? Curriculum? Teaching philosophy? Advanced coursework? Advanced peers?

At small privates, social relationship issues can be so tough and it can be hard to make friends when everyone already knows each other. Proceed with caution.