I'm so depressed and worried about my kid. I just need to put this somewhere.

[Anonymous]

My kid has been out of school (doing online) this whole year. Anxiety, health challenges. They are a junior in HS. I am having so much trouble dealing with how this happening this year is going to affect them so much more than if it happened in middle school. I'm thinking ahead to college apps, wondering if they'll even go to school and feeling so sad. I don't feel like I have anyone to talk to about it, so here I am. I'm seeing so many college acceptances and my kid is doing online school and I don't even know if they'll go to college. 1 year ago this wouldn't have been a question but now here we are.

All through HS they have had significant health challenges, but we managed until now.

I am so sad watching everyone else lead their lives. No one really reaches out to see how they are doing. It is so lonely and I am falling into a depression.

I'm sorry for typing this but it is so hard. I just needed to "say" it somewhere.

[Anonymous]

Hi, I was there with my son. Junior year he had major surgery and then his anxiety worsened. I had a hard time getting hime to school. In fact he missed the last month (school made accommodations to make work up etc). All the normal junior year events never happened.

He did manage to submit applications in the fall with the help of a private college counselor who was aware of his anxiety and really performed a miracle to get his applications in.

He is now 24, graduated from college and working as a software engineer. I tell you this because I had many, many dark days worrying about him and his future. Things can change for the better, but the progress is not linear but can improve.

Sending you a hug, I have been there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi, I was there with my son. Junior year he had major surgery and then his anxiety worsened. I had a hard time getting hime to school. In fact he missed the last month (school made accommodations to make work up etc). All the normal junior year events never happened.

He did manage to submit applications in the fall with the help of a private college counselor who was aware of his anxiety and really performed a miracle to get his applications in.

He is now 24, graduated from college and working as a software engineer. I tell you this because I had many, many dark days worrying about him and his future. Things can change for the better, but the progress is not linear but can improve.

Sending you a hug, I have been there.

Thanks PP. This helps. The health issues have made anxiety rear its head and made a hard situation worse. I'm so happy your son was able to get through them and thanks for your comment.

[Anonymous]

It’s hard when people around you are doing normal stuff and you want to be doing that normal stuff too but it’s not in the cards.
I have a friend with 2 kids and one is doing online school now as a 6th grader. There are other parents like you out there OP.
It’s ok if he doesn’t go to college, he might go later, he might not. Let him find his way and try not to compare his path to those around you.

[Anonymous]

Dear OP, I get it. I have a young adult son who is not doing well. At. All. It makes me so sad all the time. Holidays are the worst as one has to pretend to be happy. I am sorry you and your son are struggling. If he has anxiety maybe consider a gap year or two. The pressure of college admissions does not help anyone’s anxiety levels. Anyways, you’re definitely not alone.

[Anonymous]

Hugs to you and your child.

[Anonymous]

Thank you all. I'm feeling better just getting a chance to get it all out. I appreciate your kind responses

One bright spot has been it has made both me and especially my child become more empathetic and realizing people may be carrying burdens you don't know about.

[Anonymous]

We are in a very similar situation - my daughter is a junior with health struggles and anxiety, also in online school. Over the past year she has had to quit her sport and lost most of her friends. I'm worried all the time. You are not alone.

[Anonymous]

Here is a story to make you feel better (I hope). Child has been home-schooled since freshman year due to mental health issues. They have been doing a combination of online and community college. They are in at 4/4 colleges so far and have more applications out for RD. Keep the faith!

[Anonymous]

It will get better, OP, with right supports and mental health treatment. Junior year was a year from hell. We came “this” close to inpatient hospitalization. I literally had to sit in the bathroom when dc was taking a shower. Slept if you can call it that in the same room with them, etc etc. It is rough. Dc now graduated from college and all these struggles are a distant memory. Hugs. Keep at it.

[Anonymous]

I’m spent with worry too, but wanted to reach out and offer support. You are not alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you all. I'm feeling better just getting a chance to get it all out. I appreciate your kind responses

One bright spot has been it has made both me and especially my child become more empathetic and realizing people may be carrying burdens you don't know about.

OP, I obviously do not know you or your child but your statement just above tells me everything I need to know: that in times of incredible personal challenge and stress you both still manage to think positively and look to support others. It says volumes about each of you. It may take time but I do believe that you and your child will get to the other side of this current time.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry OP. I’ve been there. If you go way back in the archives you’ll find my posts from when I was in crisis.

Traditional online school didn’t work for my son and he went into a nonmainstream program which got him through school. There weren’t many hospitalizations and residential treatments. But eventually he stabilized.

It’s so hard when you are now. The worry, the sadness and the uncertainty are tough to navigate. Your definition of success becomes something you can’t even believe is your life.

I’m sorry you’re going through this and I truly get how hard it is.

[Anonymous]

College is a hoop to jump through. It's okay to take some extra time to get prepared to jump.

These days, going to community college is becoming quite a hack for somewhat better access to finish at hard to get into flagships.

Focus yourself on what's immediately in front of you. The college issues can be addressed when your kid is better. As long as they can get into a community college there should be some good options. Also people who've had a life setback often find that small, supportive local colleges can be a great way to get back on track while staying connected to family. This is a time to focus on health and making sure your kid recovers enthusiasm for higher education.

I wish you the best and hope things improve for your child.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP, it’s hard and the winter months can be really hard. Thanksgiving- March are the March are the hardest are the most difficult at my house.

My kid also had to go to virtual for a variety of reasons in HS. He’s a senior now and just went through the college application process. It didn’t hurt him, he had offers and just committed to his top choice.

I’m going to be honest, I’m nervous about him moving away but he seems excited. He’s grown so much in this past year and we looked at so many programs to find a good one. He wants to do this so we are supporting him in it. He’s going away to a two year school out of state that will have lots of support.

At this point in junior year he was thinking of community college or working for a while first, which would have also been fine too.