Holiday visits - anyone else experience this with older parents?

[Anonymous]

Spouse and I moved an 8 hour drive from where both of our families live - for a job opportunity. Been here 5 years. This is the first year we feel stable enough with kids getting bigger and more manageable to make the trip “home for the holidays”. Our families of origin are cordial with each other but there won’t be any combined time - definitely a case of 3 days with one side, pack it all up, 3 days with the other side.

I call my parents to run dates by them. Mom’s response: we’ll be here, glad you’re coming, so I won’t have to mail presents.

Spouse texts his parents (preferred method of communication) with proposed dates, asks if those dates work. Response: yes.

Am I too sensitive? Would love some enthusiasm for our visit on either or both sides. I’m packing up small children and am embarking on a full day drive each way to share time with you. It just leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Bah humbug!

[Anonymous]

You are ENTIRELY out of line.

They are not arguing with you on dates. They are open to your schedule. They said yes to your visits. My God, woman, what more do you want???

[Anonymous]

I think some people are just short, functional texters vs conversational. So your DH proposed dates and they said yes. I wouldn’t read anything more into it.

[Anonymous]

OP here, if a friend were communicating with me about a visit, I would include some amount of enthusiasm. “Excited to see you!” Or something along those lines.

Guess I’m asking too much.

[Anonymous]

Yes, you’re too sensitive. You’re upset about…. People not seeming excited enough about you descending upon them in a couple weeks? Get a grip! They are the ones cleaning, figuring out bedding, hiding away vases and breakables, figuring out what to feed four extra people nine meals on fixed incomes, etc.

[Anonymous]

You moved away and abandoned them. I don't blame them if they're a little off put.

[Anonymous]

Perhaps your folks didn't think you'd move away and were expecting to spend every Holiday with you as a matter of course. My parents are not like that, because they themselves moved to three different countries for work, but I know some people who still don't understand that work is now global.

Perhaps they don't realize how much work it is to travel with kids. But then you're not realizing how much work it is for elderly people to host a family!

There is nothing there for you to get upset about. Everyone is making an effort here. Don't become the entitled person who thinks everything revolves around you!

[Anonymous]

I think you are being too sensitive. I'm sure they will be excited to see you.

[Anonymous]

YATA

[Anonymous]

Are you looking for something to be offended about? You'll be upending their world as much as yours will be inconvenienced.

[Anonymous]

Yes, you're being too sensitive.

[Anonymous]

Unlike some other Holiday threads, where I can see both sides, this is crystal clear: you're acting like a whiny little princess.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are being ridiculous

[Anonymous]

Judge based on the visits not the communication beforehand.

[Anonymous]

I like clear and precise communication
Not a lot of blah blah blah