Conflicted about potential relocation for job

[Anonymous]

I’m 40F, recently laid off, married with three kids (11, 8, and 2). We live in an area I really dislike - moved here for DH’s job several years ago but he has been fully remote since Covid - but have a gorgeous house here. I’ve had a very hard time finding any community and it’s a place where you’re inside half the year due to cold and snow, and it gets harder on me every year.

I’ve been interviewing with a company for a role that read as tailor-made for me, and they’ve moved me through the process very quickly: I would be making more than I made in my previous role and it’s a great opportunity for my career. DH is senior in his company and there’s no indication they will go back to in person: maybe a meeting every few months.

This new role has required on-site presence several days a week in a state I would *love* to live in, with a comparable cost of living to what we pay now. The company I’m interviewing with offers generous relocation; they’re flying me out for the final round next week. But I recognize that uprooting and relocating will be a huge change for all of us. How do you go about making such a big decision?

TIA.

[Anonymous]

Is DH on board or no?
If he is I think the decision is made.
If not, what does he see as the reasons for staying?
Ideally I’d move at the beginning of summer so not as disruptive on the older 2 kids schooling.

[Anonymous]

I don’t hear any cons, only pros.

If you have HS aged children, I would be more wary of moving. I’ve just heard lots of stories of teens who struggled after moving. It takes a good 1-3 years to find your group and then it’s time to graduate.

With kids the age of yours, I think they’d acclimate really quickly. Of course kids will say they don’t want to move, no one likes change especially not kids. But 11 is going into middle school so that’s a transition year anyway.

In your shoes, I’d move in a heartbeat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is DH on board or no?
If he is I think the decision is made.
If not, what does he see as the reasons for staying?
Ideally I’d move at the beginning of summer so not as disruptive on the older 2 kids schooling.

DH is on board - he loves the place I’m interviewing (it’s coastal and southern). But I do think I’d have to rent a place for the first half of the year to get all of the logistics together (including school for the kids).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is DH on board or no?
If he is I think the decision is made.
If not, what does he see as the reasons for staying?
Ideally I’d move at the beginning of summer so not as disruptive on the older 2 kids schooling.

DH is on board - he loves the place I’m interviewing (it’s coastal and southern). But I do think I’d have to rent a place for the first half of the year to get all of the logistics together (including school for the kids).

Coastal and Southern you are a dam fool,,

What do you not understand about Project 2025
What do you not understand about how this new job will exist only til 2028

Listen when they spew. Shame on you for thinking this is ok for your kids.

[Anonymous]

I’d do it in a second. Your kids will get uprooted Many times in life. They are not in critical years where it matters so much.

[Anonymous]

I say go for it! Happy for you and your family!

[Anonymous]

It's hard to move during high school.

If you want to move, now is a good time because your oldest is likely a 5th or 6th grader. Middle school is usually a time when multiple elementaries consolidate. That allows for some social fluidity.

So if you really don't like where you are living as a long-term option, you only have a few years to reposition.

The move won't matter to the 2 year old.

You should try to make sure the move will be a net positive for your husband and older child.

I moved to MoCo in 7th grade and it was a bad experience for dad (breadwinner) and me (DD). We moved again during my 8th grade year and I really liked the new location and it was better for my family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is DH on board or no?
If he is I think the decision is made.
If not, what does he see as the reasons for staying?
Ideally I’d move at the beginning of summer so not as disruptive on the older 2 kids schooling.

DH is on board - he loves the place I’m interviewing (it’s coastal and southern). But I do think I’d have to rent a place for the first half of the year to get all of the logistics together (including school for the kids).

Coastal and Southern you are a dam fool,,

What do you not understand about Project 2025
What do you not understand about how this new job will exist only til 2028

Listen when they spew. Shame on you for thinking this is ok for your kids.

If we all made decisions primarily based on mitigating potential risk, we wouldn’t be able to do anything. Come on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is DH on board or no?
If he is I think the decision is made.
If not, what does he see as the reasons for staying?
Ideally I’d move at the beginning of summer so not as disruptive on the older 2 kids schooling.

DH is on board - he loves the place I’m interviewing (it’s coastal and southern). But I do think I’d have to rent a place for the first half of the year to get all of the logistics together (including school for the kids).

Coastal and Southern you are a dam fool,,

What do you not understand about Project 2025
What do you not understand about how this new job will exist only til 2028

Listen when they spew. Shame on you for thinking this is ok for your kids.

I’m as liberal as they come and you sound unhinged.

[Anonymous]

What are the cons?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's hard to move during high school.

If you want to move, now is a good time because your oldest is likely a 5th or 6th grader. Middle school is usually a time when multiple elementaries consolidate. That allows for some social fluidity.

So if you really don't like where you are living as a long-term option, you only have a few years to reposition.

The move won't matter to the 2 year old.

You should try to make sure the move will be a net positive for your husband and older child.

I moved to MoCo in 7th grade and it was a bad experience for dad (breadwinner) and me (DD). We moved again during my 8th grade year and I really liked the new location and it was better for my family.

This is OP - thank you for this perspective. I moved locales for the first year of high school and never really adapted to the new culture/scene, so am definitely sensitive to these changes for our kids (we are in a very homogenous red state so actually think the new locale would be advantageous for them). But I agree that this is the time to do it, if we’re going to do it. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

PP. I'd make sure the local job market is big enough that it's reasonable you could find another job without moving if necessary.

I have a friend who got stranded in a job market with few options in her chosen field due to a bad spell with job loss/divorce/custody requiring her to stay local.

[Anonymous]

I moved a LOT as a kid and hated it but I don't think a single move at those ages is bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP. I'd make sure the local job market is big enough that it's reasonable you could find another job without moving if necessary.

I have a friend who got stranded in a job market with few options in her chosen field due to a bad spell with job loss/divorce/custody requiring her to stay local.

This is a consideration (OP here), but frankly that’s what I’m dealing with in our current location: I work in healthcare and there are two major employers in my immediate market. I’ve worked at both. What’s maddening is that thay are able to - and do - suppress wages based on lack of competition.

This new locale has many more employers I could work with. But this is a very good point.