Advice for college/parental involvement from parents of older dcs

[Anonymous]

My freshman dd is constantly unsure what she wants to do. She has many interests but none are really passions. She initially liked environmental sciences and languages but there are few jobs and that scares her. She is going to switch her major from international relations to finance because she thinks prospects are better after meeting with her adviser, but she could really go any way with some encouragement on our part, and it's encouragement she wishes she had as she always is asking what we think. Both dh and I are very reluctant to intervene much because we feel it's her decision. How did you handle this if your child was directionless at that age? I am just scared she will not find her way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My freshman dd is constantly unsure what she wants to do. She has many interests but none are really passions. She initially liked environmental sciences and languages but there are few jobs and that scares her. She is going to switch her major from international relations to finance because she thinks prospects are better after meeting with her adviser, but she could really go any way with some encouragement on our part, and it's encouragement she wishes she had as she always is asking what we think. Both dh and I are very reluctant to intervene much because we feel it's her decision. How did you handle this if your child was directionless at that age? I am just scared she will not find her way.

"hobbies don't pay the bills" Passion doesn't lead to income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My freshman dd is constantly unsure what she wants to do. She has many interests but none are really passions. She initially liked environmental sciences and languages but there are few jobs and that scares her. She is going to switch her major from international relations to finance because she thinks prospects are better after meeting with her adviser, but she could really go any way with some encouragement on our part, and it's encouragement she wishes she had as she always is asking what we think. Both dh and I are very reluctant to intervene much because we feel it's her decision. How did you handle this if your child was directionless at that age? I am just scared she will not find her way.

"hobbies don't pay the bills" Passion doesn't lead to income.

We're beyond that as she definitely wants a marketable major, and her issue is what that major should be. International relations + a language was a much better fit for her in terms of interests, but she could not let go of her fear she would not make money. We really feel like we should not advise her too much and not convinced Finance is the way to go, but also like it's too huge a thing for us to decide for her.

[Anonymous]

She’s only a freshmen - give her a little more time to explore/think without your intervention. Especially since our well-meaning advice may be just so outdated and misguided. The future is going to be nothing like our experience.

[Anonymous]

The college class prerequisites for finance major determine if she even has that as a choice. Finance with foreign language proficiency. That's a good direction. But first she proves herself, doing well in relevant course material. Before the accolades.

[Anonymous]

She is aimless because she isn’t focused on a career track. A Finance major in itself is not a career pathway. A Finance Major can go into IB Private Equity M&A Internal Corporate Finance Roles and all are career pathways with specific lifestyle working hours job locations etc. Where does she see herself going? Has she done that research spoken to others done informational interviews? IR plus language speaks to state dept to me. I can’t think of private sector jobs that would specifically WANT IR majors so she’s probably correct that a finance degree has wider possibilities right out of the gate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is aimless because she isn’t focused on a career track. A Finance major in itself is not a career pathway. A Finance Major can go into IB Private Equity M&A Internal Corporate Finance Roles and all are career pathways with specific lifestyle working hours job locations etc. Where does she see herself going? Has she done that research spoken to others done informational interviews? IR plus language speaks to state dept to me. I can’t think of private sector jobs that would specifically WANT IR majors so she’s probably correct that a finance degree has wider possibilities right out of the gate.

She really has no specific career in finance in mind, just the degree. She's talked about possibly foreign service or FBI down the line. I could see her doing well in both, but she wants a marketable degree she can fall back on if these do not pan out which is why she is thinking finance and is open to do anything with it if it comes down to it. Basically her big worry is money, finding a job.

[Anonymous]

I think your role as parent in this moment is encouragement and confidence.

Her: I just don't know what to do, it's so stressful? What should I do??

You: You are a smart, capable young women with a ton of skills and options. It's okay to flounder a bit - most adults I know didn't know exactly where they'd end up when they were in college, too! I have total faith that you'll figure it out.

The only place I'd dive in is if she's asking for specifics that aren't making a decision for her, where you have some specific knowledge or can point her to someone who does. Like if she's talking about finance, it's reasonable to say "you know, my friend Jerry works in finance - would you be interested in talking to him? I could connect you two" or if she's asking about international relations, you can say "it's worth investigating recent changes in that industry - the current administration really cut a lot of those jobs and money."

But don't put your finger on the scale. Firm information that you have and she may not, that's it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think your role as parent in this moment is encouragement and confidence.

Her: I just don't know what to do, it's so stressful? What should I do??

You: You are a smart, capable young women with a ton of skills and options. It's okay to flounder a bit - most adults I know didn't know exactly where they'd end up when they were in college, too! I have total faith that you'll figure it out.

The only place I'd dive in is if she's asking for specifics that aren't making a decision for her, where you have some specific knowledge or can point her to someone who does. Like if she's talking about finance, it's reasonable to say "you know, my friend Jerry works in finance - would you be interested in talking to him? I could connect you two" or if she's asking about international relations, you can say "it's worth investigating recent changes in that industry - the current administration really cut a lot of those jobs and money."

But don't put your finger on the scale. Firm information that you have and she may not, that's it.

I don't have any info about finance whatsoever, and no contacts. Same with dh, we are in different fields. So I feel completely useless when she asks, but she asks what we think all the time because she has so many doubts. We've recommended she speak to her advisor more. It's a lot easier with ds who has had a field in mind since high school and has stuck to it because he is passionate about it, so requires no guidance and doesn't ask for it either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My freshman dd is constantly unsure what she wants to do. She has many interests but none are really passions. She initially liked environmental sciences and languages but there are few jobs and that scares her. She is going to switch her major from international relations to finance because she thinks prospects are better after meeting with her adviser, but she could really go any way with some encouragement on our part, and it's encouragement she wishes she had as she always is asking what we think. Both dh and I are very reluctant to intervene much because we feel it's her decision. How did you handle this if your child was directionless at that age? I am just scared she will not find her way.

We didn't handle it, only kept supporting. They figured it out on their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My freshman dd is constantly unsure what she wants to do. She has many interests but none are really passions. She initially liked environmental sciences and languages but there are few jobs and that scares her. She is going to switch her major from international relations to finance because she thinks prospects are better after meeting with her adviser, but she could really go any way with some encouragement on our part, and it's encouragement she wishes she had as she always is asking what we think. Both dh and I are very reluctant to intervene much because we feel it's her decision. How did you handle this if your child was directionless at that age? I am just scared she will not find her way.

That's what college is for, to learn and grow. As long as they are mentally and physically healthy and active in academics and activities, they find their own path.

[Anonymous]

Just encourage her to take a lot of different classes and see how it shakes out. My DS was like this freshman year and we encouraged him to take a lot of classes and once he did, he had a better sense. Now he is a junior with a major and a "focus" in the major and a job that is related - 18 or 19 is not too young to still be figuring it out.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, if her primary concern is having work so she is able to make a living in the future (which is admirable) I'd suggest she do research on what fields AI is going to impact. So many career fields will be disappearing because of it.

IMO, spend the next couple of years getting the "basics" out of the way and see if she has a better focus then.

I think that the trades are going to really grow, since AI can't do "hands-on" work and the pool of immigrants supporting those careers will dry up.

Owning your own electrical, plumbing or HVAC company may be very, very lucrative. Especially for a young woman.

[Anonymous]

She's what, 19? She's got plenty of time. Stop pressuring her and stop worrying about her. You're just making things worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's what, 19? She's got plenty of time. Stop pressuring her and stop worrying about her. You're just making things worse.

To be clear I don't pressure her at ALL. She is the one who calls daily to vent and worry. I don't actually ever call her.