Sister withheld info

[Anonymous]

Two sisters in family - get along fairly well. Both sisters meet on a regular basis - think 4-5 times just in the last week. Elder sister took the younger one (both in their 40s) to celebrate a milestone birthday on Sunday.

Elder sister finds out from mother on Wed that younger sister has planned on a 1 month vacation in another country - departing on Friday.

Younger sister failed to mention this in the five times they’ve met over the last week. Should elder sister be annoyed?

[Anonymous]

Puzzled, maybe hurt. But I don’t get the annoyed part. As the older sister, I would want to know why my younger sister did not mention it to me, because to me it suggests that there is a problem like maybe she thought I wouldn’t be happy for her.

[Anonymous]

Thats certainly strange.

[Anonymous]

Totally normal on my ILs side of the family. They’re constantly pulling stuff like that on each other. It’s a power game and manipulation and it’s not nice, but you kind of knew that and that’s why you’re asking here.

Yes. It was a jerk move.

[Anonymous]

You are obviously the older sister. You should examine why your sister didn't feel comfortable telling you - did she worry you'd try to invite yourself? that you'd criticize how long she's going or that she can't afford it? You should be annoyed at yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Puzzled, maybe hurt. But I don’t get the annoyed part. As the older sister, I would want to know why my younger sister did not mention it to me, because to me it suggests that there is a problem like maybe she thought I wouldn’t be happy for her.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are obviously the older sister. You should examine why your sister didn't feel comfortable telling you - did she worry you'd try to invite yourself? that you'd criticize how long she's going or that she can't afford it? You should be annoyed at yourself.

This is it.

Obviously the elder sister thinks the sisters' relationship is peachy but it's not. Younger sister probably wanted to avoid some sort of behavior or commentary from elder. She knows the elder is going to throw cold water on her trip in some way so she didn't talk about it.

If elder is annoyed now, I can only imagine her attitude once sister returns from her trip. I'd say there is an estrangement in the offing and the younger will pull back and avoid elder as much as possible. Good for her - no law says you have to maintain a relationship with a toxic sibling.

[Anonymous]

I would be annoyec

[Anonymous]

You should be thinking in Sister A and Sister B from now on. You obviously look down on her and judge her.

[Anonymous]

I would guess she is trying not to brag? But yeah a little awkward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Totally normal on my ILs side of the family. They’re constantly pulling stuff like that on each other. It’s a power game and manipulation and it’s not nice, but you kind of knew that and that’s why you’re asking here.

Yes. It was a jerk move.

Odd response.

Power game? Manipulative? Jerk move? Seems extreme.

Are you always this thin-skinned?

[Anonymous]

It's odd she didn't mention it, but if you are that close don't turn it into a thing. You are having an overreaction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are obviously the older sister. You should examine why your sister didn't feel comfortable telling you - did she worry you'd try to invite yourself? that you'd criticize how long she's going or that she can't afford it? You should be annoyed at yourself.

This is it.

Obviously the elder sister thinks the sisters' relationship is peachy but it's not. Younger sister probably wanted to avoid some sort of behavior or commentary from elder. She knows the elder is going to throw cold water on her trip in some way so she didn't talk about it.

If elder is annoyed now, I can only imagine her attitude once sister returns from her trip. I'd say there is an estrangement in the offing and the younger will pull back and avoid elder as much as possible. Good for her - no law says you have to maintain a relationship with a toxic sibling.

Is it possible you are projecting?

[Anonymous]

If younger sister is much wealthier than the elder sister, then yes, it is insulting because it suggests the younger sister is trying to be “tactful” in a condescending way that shows she doesn’t think they’re in the same league.

[Anonymous]

I think it would be weird to be really “annoyed” but not at all weird to text sister and say “omg mom just told me you’re spending a month in Paris! Tell me all about it/when do you leave?” and see what she says.