Husband keeps buying my kids gifts right before Christmas
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Anonymous
| My husband is such a wimp with my kids. He can’t hold a boundary, always with empty threats “if you do that one more time, we’re leaving” and then doesn’t leave. I asked him not to buy them gifts since Christmas and birthday is next month, and what does he do? Takes them shopping. Same goes for food, I say no food dye and he buys them some slurpee. Or no Roblox and he gives over his phone. I am losing it! What do I do? Kids will be ruined if he doesn’t change. |
Anonymous
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Yeah you have a husband problem. Doesn’t seem like your husband cares about whatever you’re asking him not to do. Talk to him again Compromise or Divorce You have choices. |
Anonymous
| So those are your kids, but not *his* kids? He’s their stepdad? Maybe he’s trying to win them over. |
Anonymous
| Does he agree with your rules? Or are you expecting him to enforce your rules without any discussion? Are they his kids also? How are they being “ruined” 😂? |
Anonymous
| Kids will be ruined by a controlling parent who alienates the other parent much faster than by a slurpee. |
Anonymous
| I assume if you are telling him what to do that he isn't their dad? Otherwise, that is pretty controlling. Ordering your spouse around doesn't really work either way. Since you seem to be talking to him like you are his boss, I assume he is their step dad. In which case, you need to just stop leaving the kids iwth him or having him take them out. They are your responsibility and if you don't like how someone who isn't a parent is parenting them, then don't have that person parent them. |
Anonymous
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Who do these kids belong to? Is he their bio father? He’s trying to buy their affection. Eww |
Anonymous
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This sounds really frustrating but I don't think your kids will be ruined.
Most of your rules would be my ideal rules too (holding back on toys right before birthday/Christmas, enforcing threats, and not playing Roblox). I'd probably let the artificial dyes thing go, so long as they aren't eating slurpees right before dinner and ruining their appetites for healthy foods. But here's the thing: most of this is about enforcing good behavior right now, and not whether your kids will be permanently ruined. One of the positives here is that it sounds like they don't have their own phones, which would be far more destructive than playing Roblox on their dad's phone. If you have behavior problems at your house, you need to sit down with your husband and come up with strategies to address those problems and work together as a team. My wife and I also struggle to be on the same page about discipline, but what I've done is try to gently coach her when she's having a problem getting the kids to behave, and we regularly talk about what's working and what's not working with both of our approaches. I could even see a world in which you compromise, and perhaps Roblox is a reward that the kids can earn for good behavior. |
Anonymous
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And in the future he'll have a good relationship with them and you won't.
Relax a lot . |
Anonymous
Exactly. Also often rigid control and rules produces poor behavior |
Anonymous
Stop cherry picking. We know that loving but firm parenting is best. Not cold with strict rules and not loving with no rules. Firm boundaries are incredibly important. |
Anonymous
Yeah, but the parents need to have agreement if they are to be enforced by both parents. That's the problem here. |
Anonymous
The problem here is that OP is focused entirely on things that she doesn't want her husband to do, rather than on coming up with a strategy together with her husband to create and enforce certain reasonable rules. I won't eat the artificial dyes myself and a make a huge effort to have a very healthy diet, but the 'no slurpies' rule comes across to me as being controlling rather than working together to come up with a successful set of family rules. It's quite likely that the husband here isn't doing a good job sticking with the rules, but the necessary starting point here is to come to an agreement between husband and wife as to what exactly the rules will be, and what the consequences for breaking those rules are. Part of that discussion should be what kind of flexibility the kids should be allowed to enjoy. Is there a way to have a limited amount of Roblox (or another video game that they enjoy) or an occasional slurpy? |
Anonymous
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I think these days, many parents issue empty threats to their kids.
I work w/children & I see this all. the. time. 💯%. Back when I was a kid - whatever my parents threatened me with - they sure followed through on. No exceptions. It taught me responsibility as well as accountability. I remember my parents not letting me go trick-or-treating one Halloween because I misbehaved. Another time they would not let me attend a good friend’s birthday party either. I have seen parents threaten to do these very things but they NEVER follow through and their kids go through life, never learning the important life lessons that are the building blocks for navigating life. …………………….. Discuss this in depth w/your husband. Also why do you think he does this?? Does he likely work a lot + feels guilty for the time he is away from his kids? |
Anonymous
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OP: you sound like a terrible and barely-literate mom.
Try telling a judge that your husband is a bad man because he bought his kid a Slurpee. |