ROFR question
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Anonymous
| I have a ROFR question. My ROFR clause says if a parent is unable to care for the children for a period of 6 or more hours, they must offer the other parent ROFR. The question is, how does this apply during school hours? The kids are in school from 8 am to 230 PM. My time starts at 8 am (she gets them on the bus and they are at school when my time starts). I work or travel until 6 pm, and I use a babysitter from when they get out of school at 230 pm to 6 pm (less than the 6 hours), am I requiered to offer ROFR? My ex is claiming because I was not at home, my 6 hours starts at 8 when my time started even though the kids are at school. I disagreed and said I am available via phone and if a kid gets sick or some other emergency during the day then I would offer ROFR if I cannot get them, before I offer care to someone else. |
Anonymous
|
You have bigger problems than interpreting ROFR. Technically your ex is the one who could be getting on a plane at 8 am. And then what? You need to be local or offer ROFR in advance so her custodial time at least goes until your confirmed time in town when you would be available to care for the children. Kids get sick at school, schools lose power, early release for snowstorms happen, etc. If you're working locally and can leave the office, then ROFR wouldn't apply, but if you are "traveling" and not getting back to town until 4 or 5 pm, then yes, you need to offer ROFR.
And think on a practical level: why are you traveling during your custodial time? It's a bad look apart from the irresponsibility and would be grounds for modification. |
Anonymous
| Also ROFR isn't a last-minute emergency thing. It's used to plan for when you know in advance that you will not be able to use your visitation time and need to arrange alternate childcare in advance. If you are out of town or have a job that makes it impossible to get your kids in an emergency, you should already have arranged alternate childcare and that would have invoked ROFR way before the imaginary call from school. |
Anonymous
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I am traveling to and from my job.
I am not sure I understand. We both work monday through friday during the kids school hours. Both exceeding the 6 hour threshold. I have 2 weekdays, they have two weekdays, and we split every other friday through sunday. So are you suggesting we need to both be offering ROFR every day because it exceeds 6 hours while we are working and the kids are at school? Vs offering ROFR only when actually plan to place the kids in someone elses care? |
Anonymous
Do you mean traveling or commuting? There's a big difference and it sounds like you're being coy about it. |
Anonymous
| I am not sure why it matters (I am not trying to be argumentative, rather, understand the logic). I work an hour or two from home sometimes and I travel for work, meaning I work out of other locations too. So it is travel/commuting but I am home that same day. I am really just trying to understand if kids being at school while one is at work should count or not. It seems to me that it would only count when you are actually using someone to provide care vs being on standby in the event school closes and care is needed. Does/should the proximity of your work to your home matter? Even on days when I work from home, if there is a sick kid or emergency, you might not be free to drop everything and get a kid and might need care. That is no different than when one is in the office. |
Anonymous
30-45 minute commute is one thing, but if you're two hours away in one direction and I'm your co-parent, I'm going to start asking for ROFR for those days. You need to talk to an attorney. This is a very specific situation and you're hoping it's going to work out in your favor and that's playing with fire. |
Anonymous
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Understood and I have an attorney of course. I was just trying to see if others have encountered this. But the agreement is silent about what ROFR is other the the time frames, so there is nothing to actually use. Everything we read about what ROFR is says that if I am having someone else take care of the kids, I offer ROFR. That before anyone else has time with the kids, the other parent should be offered that time when it is over 6 hours. If the phone rings and I handle whatever issue or emergency comes my way, I am available. But if I cant and have to call in someone else to actually take care of the kids, the clock starts. This doesn't make a difference if I am working 2 minutes or 1 hour away.
I am not trying to get things in my favor, but rather understand and simplify moving forward. Simply calling my ex and offering ROFR is never a simple task and results in the kids being unnecessarily juggled around . Most days I am home by 330. If we start the clock at 8 or whenever I leave for work, even though the kids are at school, vs after school at 230 when they would need care, they now have to take the bus to the exs, spend 30 minutes there, then be driven back to my house. Versus just take the bus home to my house and having grandma be there. And the kids would prefer to just come home and hang out with grandma vs juggle around. But I understand and respect your perspective and opinion. Ideally, something that modifies the agreement so we can clearly identify if we are say more than an hour away, or more than 30 minutes away, etc. The problem is, it would even prevent the kids from having a sleepover at their grandparents. Even if I am home doing nothing, I am more than an hour away from grandparents. So then am I to offer ROFR then too? |
Anonymous
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A ROFR doesn't prevent grandparent visits during your visitation time unless you explicitly put it into the agreement. In low-conflict situations a ROFR can be pretty open ended, but you seem unclear about how and when to offer ROFR and if I were your spouse I would be making you follow it to the letter of the law given some of the cagey statements you're making.
You need to go back to your attorneys and rewrite the ROFR/get a modification, because you are trying to look for loopholes for when it should apply but you aren't initiating it, but also seem confused about thinking a ROFR applies when it doesn't. A vague ROFR is not good for your situation- the kids are going to get stuck somewhere or miss out on time with extended family because you don't understand how it should work. DCUM cannot interpret a ROFR that wasn't written clearly in the first place. You need to go to your attorney and just get it tidied up instead of hoping you'll get the answer you want here. |
Anonymous
| I am not sure how I am being cagey. I am not trying to, just trying to understand. But you have made some very generalized statements like grandparents visits don't count or 30 to 40 minites away is ok but not more. And that is exactly why I was asking for help. Where if not in my agreement does it say that (I am assuming it doesn't). I am not looking for loopholes, but I am also not looking to have my ex over involved where I dont have to. It is a very high conflict scenario saddly where the kids get stuck in the middle. The fewer exchanges and interactions the better. My ex in the past has threatened legal action for the kids spending the night at the grandparents house during my time without offering ROFR even though it was summer time and I was home. Pickups for me involve my ex throwing the kids things out into the rain for me and them to get, them yelling obscenities, etc. I know I am due for modifications, was just polling for others experiences. |
Anonymous
| Also, I have offered ROFR on other occasions when I was away overnight for work during my time or any other time over 6 hours. I am not avoiding it, just want to minimizing high conflict interactions. This interpretation could result in a high conflict interaction almost daily. I agree better language is best. |
Anonymous
If you’re truly in a high conflict situation, you have a sloppy attorney or you’ve been naive to think that anything that is even vaguely open to interpretation is an ok arrangement. This stuff needs to be locked down. The time you’ve spent here would be better spent getting actual legal advice and structuring a modification. |
Anonymous
| You've been immensely helpful. Thanks. |
Anonymous
| Let them take you to court. What do they do for child care on their days? |
Anonymous
| Is your ex actually home after school to take the kids? |