What do you do when you don’t like your DC boyfriend/girlfriend?

[Anonymous]

Is there a way to discourage without making the SO more attractive in the process? I realize that the relationship is blind to fizzle out sooner than later, but still. This is the first SO of DC that has me concerned and seeing red flags, and I’m really not sure how to navigate this. Help!

[Anonymous]

*bound to fizzle

[Anonymous]

How old is your child? It matters.

[Anonymous]

I went through this. I did not say anything about not liking the person. I encouraged time with friends, extracurricular activities, to focus their attention elsewhere. Ultimately, dc wants attention. Ultimately DC grew disinterested and moved on.

[Anonymous]

Glare at him any time your DD's back is turned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old is your child? It matters.

She’s 14, soon to be 15

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is your child? It matters.

She’s 14, soon to be 15

She's had multiple other significant others at age 14/15?

[Anonymous]

Why don't you like him? There's a big difference between having no good reason and he's a drug abuser, doesn't show up for class, hits her, berates her, etc. If there is no good reason, you just let it run it's course. If there is a real reason that this is a bad relationship, you do what you'd do with any other relationship where the kid is engaging in behavior that you don't approve of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is your child? It matters.

She’s 14, soon to be 15

She's had multiple other significant others at age 14/15?

She’s had two other little “boyfriends”. I wouldn’t call them SO, exactly, but I was trying to keep it general neutral.

[Anonymous]

At that age, say nothing. It will almost certainly fizzle. I’ve lost track of how many people my teen has shown an interest in. Most last only a few weeks. The longest was a few months. You can try to make it harder for them to spend time together by keeping them busy but if you only run interference in those situations they may suspect what you’re doing. At an older age (college +) it’s more concerning but you still have to be careful not to show your cards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At that age, say nothing. It will almost certainly fizzle. I’ve lost track of how many people my teen has shown an interest in. Most last only a few weeks. The longest was a few months. You can try to make it harder for them to spend time together by keeping them busy but if you only run interference in those situations they may suspect what you’re doing. At an older age (college +) it’s more concerning but you still have to be careful not to show your cards.

This is what we did. We made more “mandatory” family plans and stopped inviting him along places, but we’d allow her to bring a friend, to dinner for example. If she’d ask if “he” could come with us, we’d say no, let’s keep it a family dinner. Or, we’d encourage her to invite a girlfriend. I think it was he who lost interest, maybe because she wasn’t available to him as much as he would have liked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Glare at him any time your DD's back is turned.

Do not do this. You will out yourself as the saboteur. Then, it's possible that you will become their common enemy, thereby strengthening their bond.

I would flip this into a learning experience, and hasten along the end of the relationship by death by a thousand invisible cuts, with the ultimate goal of strengthening my bond with my daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Glare at him any time your DD's back is turned.

Do not do this. You will out yourself as the saboteur. Then, it's possible that you will become their common enemy, thereby strengthening their bond.

I would flip this into a learning experience, and hasten along the end of the relationship by death by a thousand invisible cuts, with the ultimate goal of strengthening my bond with my daughter.

How?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At that age, say nothing. It will almost certainly fizzle. I’ve lost track of how many people my teen has shown an interest in. Most last only a few weeks. The longest was a few months. You can try to make it harder for them to spend time together by keeping them busy but if you only run interference in those situations they may suspect what you’re doing. At an older age (college +) it’s more concerning but you still have to be careful not to show your cards.

This is what we did. We made more “mandatory” family plans and stopped inviting him along places, but we’d allow her to bring a friend, to dinner for example. If she’d ask if “he” could come with us, we’d say no, let’s keep it a family dinner. Or, we’d encourage her to invite a girlfriend. I think it was he who lost interest, maybe because she wasn’t available to him as much as he would have liked.

Like this. Silently reduce the flow of oxygen to the relationship. Stay on your daughter's side, with compassion, and gently help her see the light when the opportunities present themselves. It's important that she sees it as her own decision-making. If and when she chooses a life partner in the future, she will need these skills to avoid potentially disastrous mistakes.

[Anonymous]

By all means, be a toxic manipulator of your own child. Then when she goes No Contact the day she moves out and is financially independent, you'll never have to deal with an SO again.

Or you could love your child and be honest about your concerns for her well-being.