SAHM to Empty Nester- Having a hard time

[Anonymous]

My DD who’ll be 18 at the end of this month and is my youngest of 5 and only daughter left for college a few weeks ago and it’s been tough. My oldest leaving was very hard for me but as each child left it got easier and so I thought I’d be ready to be an empty nester but that isn’t the case. I’m extremely sad that my days of raising children and parenting are over. I’m incredibly grateful to see the amazing young adults they’ve become and I am very excited for what the future has in store for each one of them but I can’t help but feel sad when I see anything that reminds me of any of them when they were little. I’m missing everything about parenting. I don’t know what to do with myself most days with no kid in the house and feel like my life is in pause. Any tips on making this huge change easier would be extremely helpful.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry you feel that way OP. Could you get a part time job working with kids at a morning preschool or even a day care? Or start babysitting?

[Anonymous]

OP: I haven’t worked in so long and DH just retired at 49 so I’m not looking for a job. I just need advice on how to deal with my new normal and get used to it. I feel like I’m grieving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry you feel that way OP. Could you get a part time job working with kids at a morning preschool or even a day care? Or start babysitting?

This or work as a paraeducator in an elementary school. That's my plan, anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: I haven’t worked in so long and DH just retired at 49 so I’m not looking for a job. I just need advice on how to deal with my new normal and get used to it. I feel like I’m grieving.

Still, get a job. It is not just about money it is about purpose. If not a job then some kind of passion- write a book or do Photography. Paint.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: I haven’t worked in so long and DH just retired at 49 so I’m not looking for a job. I just need advice on how to deal with my new normal and get used to it. I feel like I’m grieving.

Still, get a job. It is not just about money it is about purpose. If not a job then some kind of passion- write a book or do Photography. Paint.

A job or hobby can fill time but won’t give you purpose. Try volunteering, OP.

[Anonymous]

Life pro tip: start planning and laying stones for your path before your children leave. OP - it’s sad. Allow yourself to grieve the end of this chapter and then chart a new path for yourself. What did you put aside because of the family? What have you always wanted to do/learn/try? Go do stuff till you find what fills your soul.

[Anonymous]

Hobbies, volunteering, picking up a new skill? Try golf lessons or maybe join a choir if you like singing? It’s really fortunate to have a husband who’s retired at 49! Go travel together! Or take dance lessons together. Sounds enviable to be honest

[Anonymous]

Would you be interested in being a foster parent?

[Anonymous]

You don’t need a job but you do need a project.

Most jobs suck, that’s why they have to pay you.

Just muck around until you find out what you want to do. Maybe it will be making art. Or starting a business. Or building a garden. Or training a puppy. Or becoming a great volunteer somewhere. Or maybe it does happen to be a job. Or whatever. Try to make it something that gets out outside and physically involved. Nothing from your house for now (if art, go take classes in person).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:get a jobbbbbbbbbb

Irrelevant. I have a job and feel the same as OP. A job can’t compare to raising kids.

+1
Some of the saddest (not sad like tragic but sad like really wistful about the passage of time and the heart ache of your kids moving out) parents work full time and will wax poetic about the emptiness and loss of losing the kid you poured so much into. Its really difficult for some people because it's a big transition away from something you will never get back in the same way.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you just have to grieve. You just do. Let yourself feel it fully, journal about it (you can throw out what you write if you don’t want anyone to read it), cry in the car, cry in the shower, cry at the dinner table.

You won’t cry forever. You won’t. But this is a big change, and the fact is you feel grief for what was, and there’s just no way past grief but through it.

Feel what you feel, observe yourself feeling it, and leave room for it to evolve. It will. It always does.

In the meantime be good to yourself.

[Anonymous]

Travel.

[Anonymous]

Any chance you can be a grandma soon? With five kids and the youngest 18, maybe you are closer than you think. Enjoy this time with your husband while you can

[Anonymous]

OP: I’ve already started getting into new hobbies and we have trips planned. I’ll definitely have to allow myself to feel the emotions to move on, thanks.