Idk if my sister likes me?

[Anonymous]

She's getting married next month and asked me to be Maid of Honor. But other than that, she pretty much ignores me constantly. Honestly after thinking about it the last couple of weeks, as honored as I am to have been asked I am not really sure why she asked me at all?

My mom talked for months about how the three of us would go dress shopping and I was excited. I found out about it after the fact when she sent me a pic and was like "Mom and I picked my dress today FYI." My mom apparently told my sister I should be invited but my sister said because of her insecurities about her body she wanted dress shopping to be as low-key as possible.

I asked a couple of times if she wanted a bachelorette party. She said no. I then get a text last month saying "Hey, if you're free on this day, Kate's mom will be out of town so she said we can use her house for a bachelorette party." One of her bridesmaids kind of insinuated that if I truly knew my sister I would've planned one anyway? (I didn't want to do that because I didn't want to be the pushy older sister.)

This is a non-wedding related example, but a three years ago I was laid off and she didn't even call or text to check in on me until two days later and that is because my dad texted and asked if I'd heard from her. I replied no, and within five minutes of sending that text my sister called, which makes me think she only did it bc my dad told her to.

I understand most of my examples are wedding-related, but this didn't start with the wedding planning, it's been like this for years.

Anyway, this is all to say...I understand I sound like a piece of work. I would NEVER say any of this to my sister; the only person I've ever mentioned it to is my dad who said my sister calls him several times a day so his problem is the opposite of mine lol. I feel like ever since she went off to college I've been trying to bond with and be close to her like when we were teens/tweens and she's just not interested. She will visit friends here in DC and never mention she's here let alone try to meet up; I used to have a job that took me to her city every few months and I would always let her know in advance and see if she wanted to grab dinner. She has a lot of the same hobbies and interests as me so it's not like she's totally different from me and I just refuse to meet her where she is. And I get along very well with her fiancé so I don't think it's that he doesn't like me.

Just curious if any of you have ever experienced wanting to be close to a sibling who clearly didn't want to be close to you and how did you deal with it? Or maybe the sibling did want to be close to you and you just weren't approaching it correctly which I'm wondering if that's the case with me, as well? Truly at a loss here.

[Anonymous]

Is there some discrepancy here, like one of you is much richer or much thinner than the other in ways that could be uncomfortable?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there some discrepancy here, like one of you is much richer or much thinner than the other in ways that could be uncomfortable?

I don't think so! When we were kids she had kind of a stockier frame and I was always one of those weird looking scrawny kids, but as adults we are the same height/weight. If anything she is more successful than me (engaged, owns her own home, etc.) But I am genuinely happy for her!

[Anonymous]

She takes your existence for granted, and for some reason prefers other people to take charge of her events. Perhaps she thinks you're not a good organizer.

But all this is entirely different from love, OP. Of course she loves you. My mother had/has a contentious relationship with her 5 sisters; they all kept fighting or ignoring each other on a regular basis. But they all ultimately are quite fond of each other.

Try not to worry so much, OP.

[Anonymous]

I'd offer her a chance to open up, in a non whiny way. After the wedding and honey moon, I'd say" hey can we talk? I love you and value my relationship with you and want to make sure we are good. If there is anything you need or anything that is on your mind, I am all ears. If she says nothing, you say " okay. I am here if anything comes to mind. I will always love you."

You have to know yourself very well to pull this off. If you tend to sound whiny and/ or defeated, don't do it. But if you can say it and it comes out clear that you are looking out for her and your relationship with her, she might open up.

A friend of mine had this kind of open ended conversation with her adult step daughter and the conversation that followed was very fruitful. The step daughter had a lot of resentment towards her step mom because of the way her father handled blending the family.

[Anonymous]

She doesn't. And I probably wouldn't like you either. You are very self focused.

Seriously you needed a same day phone call because you lost your job🙄

She probably only made you MOH to please your parents and if I had to guess she's probably always had to play second fiddle to you and you have always been fussed over.

Her wedding is not about you.

It's not appropriate to have your navel gazing you don't like me fest.

Grow up.
It's not about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She doesn't. And I probably wouldn't like you either. You are very self focused.

Seriously you needed a same day phone call because you lost your job🙄

She probably only made you MOH to please your parents and if I had to guess she's probably always had to play second fiddle to you and you have always been fussed over.

Her wedding is not about you.

It's not appropriate to have your navel gazing you don't like me fest.

Grow up.
It's not about you.

DP. Are you also a b**** in real life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She doesn't. And I probably wouldn't like you either. You are very self focused.

Seriously you needed a same day phone call because you lost your job🙄

She probably only made you MOH to please your parents and if I had to guess she's probably always had to play second fiddle to you and you have always been fussed over.

Her wedding is not about you.

It's not appropriate to have your navel gazing you don't like me fest.

Grow up.
It's not about you.

DP. Are you also a b**** in real life?

Found the narcissistic sister

[Anonymous]

Let me guess OP- you were the golden child and your sister was the black sheep? She probably only asked you to be MOH due to pressure from your parents. Work on making ammends for your privlege.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there some discrepancy here, like one of you is much richer or much thinner than the other in ways that could be uncomfortable?

I don't think so! When we were kids she had kind of a stockier frame and I was always one of those weird looking scrawny kids, but as adults we are the same height/weight. If anything she is more successful than me (engaged, owns her own home, etc.) But I am genuinely happy for her!

When you said your mom mentioned she had insecurities about her body, I immediately wondered if she's ever been resentful about differences in your body types.

[Anonymous]

Your sister is a f**king weirdo. I will never understand family dynamics like these, but that's also why I find them so interesting.

[Anonymous]

What is your age difference? Were you 2 close growing up? Does she have a best friend now? Did you think your mother pressured her to choose you for the maid of honor role?

[Anonymous]

My brother loves me and I love him, but he’s pretty bad about calling and checking in. That’s just how he is. It doesn’t bother me though, because I know him and I know it’s not because he doesn’t like me. And I’m sure he has phases and things about me he doesn’t like. I’m sure some things about me drive him crazy. But we love each other, which means we are there when the big stuff happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She doesn't. And I probably wouldn't like you either. You are very self focused.

Seriously you needed a same day phone call because you lost your job🙄

She probably only made you MOH to please your parents and if I had to guess she's probably always had to play second fiddle to you and you have always been fussed over.

Her wedding is not about you.

It's not appropriate to have your navel gazing you don't like me fest.

Grow up.
It's not about you.

nailed it. Sister has a fiance and a new life. It's hard to understand that from the outside.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She doesn't. And I probably wouldn't like you either. You are very self focused.

Seriously you needed a same day phone call because you lost your job🙄

She probably only made you MOH to please your parents and if I had to guess she's probably always had to play second fiddle to you and you have always been fussed over.

Her wedding is not about you.

It's not appropriate to have your navel gazing you don't like me fest.

Grow up.
It's not about you.

nailed it. Sister has a fiance and a new life. It's hard to understand that from the outside.

Exactly. She doesn't need you anymore OP, sorry.

However, she shouldn't be playing games about the bachelorette party, because some people genuinely do not want them and would be upset if you went against their wishes. You shouldn't have to guess whether she was being truthful or not. But now that you know it was a lie, hop to it and plan!