Almost 6 year old gets upset when we sing or dance?

[Anonymous]

I’m hoping to get some insight from other parents or anyone with similar experiences. My dear son, who is 5 (almost 6), has a really intense reaction whenever I, my husband, or even his little sister sing or dance—especially in the car. Even something small like me quietly singing along to a song or tapping my fingers can really upset him. He’ll yell, scream “stop,” and sometimes kick his legs out of frustration. It’s usually when we’re just trying to have a bit of fun listening to Danny Go, and his reaction seems bigger than just being annoyed.

I asked him why it bothers him, and he told me it makes him feel “nervous.” That response really stuck with me. I’ve even told him we won’t play music in the car if it’s going to make him that uncomfortable—and he’s actually fine with that. He’d rather ride in silence than risk me dancing or singing.

I’m just not sure if this is something he’ll grow out of or if it could be a sign of a sensory issue or anxiety.

For more context, he also gets overwhelmed in other loud environments. We bring noise-reducing headphones to live performances now, but the first time we tried the Omnimax (without them), we had to leave almost immediately because the volume and intensity were just too much for him. His 3-year-old sister doesn’t seem to have any of these issues, so I’m trying to understand what’s going on.

Is this something other parents have experienced? Would you consider this within the range of normal, or is it something we should bring up with a professional?

Thanks so much for any advice or shared experiences.

[Anonymous]

What happens if you dance in the car without music on? Is it the same reaction?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What happens if you dance in the car without music on? Is it the same reaction?

Yes, same reaction.

[Anonymous]

Wonder if it's 2 things.
1. The sound in an enclosed space, especially when paired with other people singing, is probably sensory overload for him.

2. The dancing may make him feel anxious that you don't have full control of the car or that you're distracted.

[Anonymous]

You're saying he has a problem with loudness. Why does the music have to be loud? Turn it down. See if opening the window to add white noise helps.

[Anonymous]

The music could be soft or not even playing and he still gets upset about the dancing. And then I’ll stop dancing but his little sister will start swaying her head back and forth (dancing) in her car seat and he freaks out about that too.

[Anonymous]

When you dance in the car without music is someone near him? What if it’s just him and you in the car? Would he have the same reaction? What if you dance outside the car with him does he do this? What if you dance outside the car but he’s in the car with the door closed?

[Anonymous]

You described my son to a T at that age. He is on the spectrum. Noise sensitivity is one of the bigger signs. He also has food, textile, skin sensitivity (hates haircuts). Does he have any other symptoms that you are concerned about?

[Anonymous]

I would keep an eye on it and bring it up with a professional. You're making an accommodation for him (no music or dancing in the car). In my experience this can be the beginning of a slippery slope. Age 7 is when children are old enough to do neuropsychological testing. Wait lists can be 3-12 months long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You described my son to a T at that age. He is on the spectrum. Noise sensitivity is one of the bigger signs. He also has food, textile, skin sensitivity (hates haircuts). Does he have any other symptoms that you are concerned about?

He doesn’t seem to mind anything else. He can be picky with his food but that seems normal to me at his age (e.g, wants mac and cheese instead of meatloaf which has chopped veggies mixed in). No issue with textiles, skin sensitivities, haircuts, etc.

Other possible noteworthy issues: I have to helicopter him to get dressed in the morning and at night (for pajamas) but that also seems fairly normal for his age? And if he’s watching tv, I have to turn off the tv to get his attention or repeatedly call his name to get him to look and listen to me. But again- seems normalish?

[Anonymous]

How well do you sing? We are a family of extremely poor singers and our children’s first movements were to cover my mouth when I sung to them.

They can’t stand it if someone if someone isn’t in tune.

[Anonymous]

My son was like that. For example when we sang happy birthday he freaked out- like full freak out. He’s a teenager now: no issues, no ASD, just outgrew it. Could be just a quirky thing he has that he will grow out of.

[Anonymous]

I actually think it’s not typical to need to helicopter dressing at 9. Many ADHD kids do need scaffolding at that age, but typical kids do not. And with TV I think it is typical for kids to selectively hear your when watching at age 9, but it is a sort of active ignoring of the inevitable ask to turn off the TV or do their chores or whatever.

I don’t think you specified whether the distress at dancing/singing is only in the car? If only in the car I might think it is a quirk…if everywhere I think you might want to schedule an assessment, as it sounds like he’s got a couple things going on that alone are not at all concerning, but together might indicate he’s got something going on.

[Anonymous]

Offer to let him pick the song sometimes? I don’t think avoiding ever singing or dancing is a healthy answer. That seems so sad!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The music could be soft or not even playing and he still gets upset about the dancing. And then I’ll stop dancing but his little sister will start swaying her head back and forth (dancing) in her car seat and he freaks out about that too.

Honestly, I'd tell him to get over it. We don't live in ... wherever Footloose was located, where dancing was illegal. People dance. People sing. He doesn't have to watch, he can have headphones, but he can't interrupt other people enjoying these activities. That's unacceptable behavior.