Why are rich guys aholes

[Anonymous]

I’m trapped between dating rich aholes and nice low earners. I don’t do badly myself ($250K and $3M NW), but when it comes to guys who make >$400K, the single ones are jerks. Even the nice guy I married when he was making $80K became a massive ahole when he started making $350K and at >$500K became insufferable. Left him but stuck in this income/ahole matrix.

[Anonymous]

Money feeds the ego. I watched my ex's personality change (or perhaps he just grew into the a$$hole he always was) as he become more financially successful. I don't think all guys who make money are awful but they have to know how to appreciate the money and not just use it as a power/ego flex.

[Anonymous]

They aren't all, the key is to find the ones who aren't very materialistic and who are secure with who they are. Most of the rich ahole behavior stems from insecurity and the need to show off and brag about what the have. No thanks. Maybe DH is very rare, but he's never needed to make anyone know how much money he has and if anything, tries to downplay it if it does get brought up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They aren't all, the key is to find the ones who aren't very materialistic and who are secure with who they are. Most of the rich ahole behavior stems from insecurity and the need to show off and brag about what the have. No thanks. Maybe DH is very rare, but he's never needed to make anyone know how much money he has and if anything, tries to downplay it if it does get brought up.

Well I don’t date married guys so am referring to the available ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They aren't all, the key is to find the ones who aren't very materialistic and who are secure with who they are. Most of the rich ahole behavior stems from insecurity and the need to show off and brag about what the have. No thanks. Maybe DH is very rare, but he's never needed to make anyone know how much money he has and if anything, tries to downplay it if it does get brought up.

Well I don’t date married guys so am referring to the available ones.

obviously they exist if PP was able to find one to marry. No one was suggesting you date married guys.

[Anonymous]

A few things:

1. Sounds like you're attracted to a-hole men.
2. The nice ones with good incomes are quickly snapped up and don't come back on the market.
3. The ones with good incomes have lots of options and don't have to treat women well to get what they want.

[Anonymous]

Mine isn't but I truly feel like I found a unicorn with him.

When we started dating he needed new nightstands and instead of just buying some he found a pair on marketplace for $30 and then spent 2 weeks sanding, staining, and sealing them then stripped and polished the hardware before putting it back on. That was a major green light for me. His income is mid 7 figs, but he grew up in a very tiny Midwest town and hasn't changed.

[Anonymous]

Maybe the problem is you….seems to be the common denominator.

[Anonymous]

The male ego is dangerous with no counterbalance. They can have and do anything. They know this. Most guys who reach that level of income/wealth get there due to some combination of charm, cleverness, and perhaps some narcissism/manipulation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They aren't all, the key is to find the ones who aren't very materialistic and who are secure with who they are. Most of the rich ahole behavior stems from insecurity and the need to show off and brag about what the have. No thanks. Maybe DH is very rare, but he's never needed to make anyone know how much money he has and if anything, tries to downplay it if it does get brought up.

Well I don’t date married guys so am referring to the available ones.

He had money and was like that when we met so my point was there are guys out there like that, not that there were only married guys out there like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They aren't all, the key is to find the ones who aren't very materialistic and who are secure with who they are. Most of the rich ahole behavior stems from insecurity and the need to show off and brag about what the have. No thanks. Maybe DH is very rare, but he's never needed to make anyone know how much money he has and if anything, tries to downplay it if it does get brought up.

This. They are out there.

[Anonymous]

sounds like OP is the problem

[Anonymous]

OP I never worried about what kind of $ my spouse would make as I knew that if I wanted lots of $ I could make it myself.

Date the person, not the salary. You will be glad you did!

[Anonymous]

I think there is a certain kind of mask required in the workplace when making high 6 figures. That personality performance at work can carry into home life. It's hard to come home and be your relaxed self all of a sudden then go to work the next day and be that masked guy again.
I suppose if you own your own business it can be easier to just be yourself. But when working for others, you have to project the person who entitled to a mid to high 6 figure salary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The male ego is dangerous with no counterbalance. They can have and do anything. They know this. Most guys who reach that level of income/wealth get there due to some combination of charm, cleverness, and perhaps some narcissism/manipulation.

+1 and we have a culture that makes disposing of relationships very easy