We’re an odd couple

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I are total opposites. I’m short and he’s tall. I’m black he’s white. I’m conventionally attractive he’s not. Our politics are different. I’m white collar he’s blue collar. I’m traditional he’s nonconformist. I’m conservative looking and he has a huge neck tattoo. I’m from money he isn’t.

Despite all our differences we really love each other and want to get married. He is going to meet my family for the first time. I’m nervous. Anyone have advice for how to approach this? Do I give my family a heads up about our differences?

[Anonymous]

Don’t tell them anything, their opinion is irrelevant.

[Anonymous]

You are not an odd couple unless you feel like you are.

[Anonymous]

If you are considering giving your family a heads up about your boyfriend then you are either embarrassed by him or your family is very judgmental (or both!). Really think hard about why you even feel the need to give anyone a heads up about him.

[Anonymous]

Nothing odd about you two. Nope, don’t share anything with your family about him.

After all you’re an adult.

[Anonymous]

Tell your family not to act like bunch of idiotic racists.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I am not embarrassed by my boyfriend, but my family is definitely judgmental and will be caught off guard by the man I've chosen.

I guess I will just show up with no heads up and see how it goes. Fingers crossed.

[Anonymous]

Are you expecting your parents to pay for your wedding? If not, their opinion isn't really relevant, right? Do you respect their opinions?

Have you thought through if you have kids? Will you raise daughters to think politicians should make decisions about their bodies? Are you two in agreement on values you'll impart on kids? On money, savings, spending, socializing with friends, vacations, drinking, etc?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am not embarrassed by my boyfriend, but my family is definitely judgmental and will be caught off guard by the man I've chosen.

I guess I will just show up with no heads up and see how it goes. Fingers crossed.

Then you owe it to your boyfriend to give HIM a heads up. Please do not walk him into a lions den.

[Anonymous]

There are plenty of odd couples in the world, OP. My parents didn't even have a language in common when they met, and they come from countries that are a 13h direct flight apart. My spouse and I have a significant age difference.

It's going to be fine in the end, but you might have to discuss certain things like parenting, household savings and investments, etc, in depth, without assuming you're on the same page. And that's fine too. Please remember that a couple can look as if they're from the exact same social and cultural circle, and still have major differences.

As for your family? No worries. Take their concerns and comments in stride. DO NOT SHARE anything that could be used against you in the future. Do not appear defensive of his background. Just smile, be neutral, move the conversation along.

[Anonymous]

Unlike the movies, opposites rarely work out long term.

The advice above doesn’t much reflect the real world. I guess I think it’s odd not to describe your SO to your parents before meeting. If my kid is dating someone they tell us and we ask normal questions about their background…god forbid ask to send us a picture of the two of them doing something together.

I’ve never just met one of their SOs without seeing a picture of them or knowing something about them.

[Anonymous]

Yeah this isn't going to work out long-term enjoy the summer and the sex. You aren't teenagers your families don't need to meet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unlike the movies, opposites rarely work out long term.

The advice above doesn’t much reflect the real world. I guess I think it’s odd not to describe your SO to your parents before meeting. If my kid is dating someone they tell us and we ask normal questions about their background…god forbid ask to send us a picture of the two of them doing something together.

I’ve never just met one of their SOs without seeing a picture of them or knowing something about them.

The PP above you has real world examples. You're extremely narrow-minded.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unlike the movies, opposites rarely work out long term.

The advice above doesn’t much reflect the real world. I guess I think it’s odd not to describe your SO to your parents before meeting. If my kid is dating someone they tell us and we ask normal questions about their background…god forbid ask to send us a picture of the two of them doing something together.

I’ve never just met one of their SOs without seeing a picture of them or knowing something about them.

So? When my husband brought me to meet his parents at his doctoral dissertation party, he hadn't told them anything about me, and I wasn't what they had in mind. 20 years later, here we are, and I'm my MIL's favorite DIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are plenty of odd couples in the world, OP. My parents didn't even have a language in common when they met, and they come from countries that are a 13h direct flight apart. My spouse and I have a significant age difference.

It's going to be fine in the end, but you might have to discuss certain things like parenting, household savings and investments, etc, in depth, without assuming you're on the same page. And that's fine too. Please remember that a couple can look as if they're from the exact same social and cultural circle, and still have major differences.

As for your family? No worries. Take their concerns and comments in stride. DO NOT SHARE anything that could be used against you in the future. Do not appear defensive of his background. Just smile, be neutral, move the conversation along.

How on earth do you know this?