is this considered harassment?

[Anonymous]

A man at my job came up to me, put his arm around my shoulders while the side of his body was against my side.
At the same time he puts his face close to mine, sticks his tongue out and does this rapid wiggling motion. Like someone sticking their tongue in and out very quickly.

This is harassment right? He is not my friend and we’re not close.
I’ve never put my arm around him, we don’t hug etc.
I was very uncomfortable and from now on my guard is up when he’s near me.

[Anonymous]

I am not a troll just confused with low esteem

[Anonymous]

The tongue thing is totally inappropriate. Did he seem drunk?

Document it so that if you need to report it or support other people in a similar situation, you have date/time/clear recollection of the interaction.

[Anonymous]

That is definitely inappropriate, what did you say to him when he did that? Hope you made it clear.

[Anonymous]

Inappropriate. Did you tell him to never do it again? If so and he does do it again, that’s harassment.

[Anonymous]

It's definitely inappropriate and unprofessional. I'd report the incident to HR and ask that they address it.

[Anonymous]

i am the op. When this happened I was caught off guard so I froze. Ive told 2 coworkers but I can’t tell my boss because these two are close.

He’s 15 years older than me and just very weird. I feel anyone else would tell him off but I tend to not stand up for myself.
I wonder if its sexual harassment though or harassment
Thank you

[Anonymous]

Just so you are aware, HR is there not necessarily to protect you, but to protect the company’s best interest. Unfortunately, reporting him could have negative consequences for you and not necessarily for him (depending on his role and tenure).

A long time ago I once reported a manager because I got tired of his explicit racist remarks. The company did absolutely nothing to him, and it made me feel even more uncomfortable around him. Needless to say I didn’t stay there long. Around 10 years later someone called me to discuss the issue, I suppose because it got out of hand with other people reporting him and maybe was about to go to litigation. I recapped what I recalled, but I told them that it was so long ago and I didn’t want to get involved any further.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
i am the op. When this happened I was caught off guard so I froze. Ive told 2 coworkers but I can’t tell my boss because these two are close.

He’s 15 years older than me and just very weird. I feel anyone else would tell him off but I tend to not stand up for myself.
I wonder if its sexual harassment though or harassment
Thank you

This alone is not SH, no.

[Anonymous]

Yeah that's odd.
Be an adult OP and next time someone gets too close, give them a jab with your elbow or something. Don't have to be a jerk about it, just let them know to back up. Smile.

Have fun also. Don't take things so seriously. That's no way to live your life.

[Anonymous]

Report that crap.

[Anonymous]

Reporting it creates an official record, which can mitigate any later he-said, she-said problems should you ever need to litigate the matter, i.e., if it keeps happening and you're forced to leave the job (constructive discharge) or the company fails to address it.

Touching you without your consent, deliberately, is technically assault, although it's unlikely any prosecutor would pursue a case with these facts. Still, it's technically both a crime and a civil tort, and if it keeps happening you should push back.

[Anonymous]

Plus, the cat is already out of the bag. You told 2 co-workers. The story will get around. Better for you to control the narrative by reporting the behavior and being clear that it is unacceptable.

[Anonymous]

What do you want to come out of this?

Do you just want to feel validated that the behavior was inappropriate? It was. Does it rise to the level of sexual harassment? No.

Do you want to make this a thing at work? Then you need to report it.

As someone who was sexually harassed at work, I'm going to be frank with you. We still live in a world where men AND women will tell you you're overreacting. Frankly, I had more female coworkers act like I was overreacting than male even though my harassment involved blatant sexual comments via text and in person as well as sexual physical advances. It was textbook. You need to tell this guy to stop if he does it again and then report it. Don't talk about it with other coworkers and ask their opinions if it's harassment or SH. Maybe you'll luck out and your coworkers will be nice and understanding people. Or maybe they'll be the gossipy type and spread rumors that you're talking about how so and so is SH you but since you're not doing anything about it, you're just trying to cause drama.

[Anonymous]

If I am remembering all the training I've done over the years correctly, it isn't harassment, but it is inappropriate. If you say to him that the behavior makes you uncomfortable and he continues to do it, then it would be harassment.

But you MUST tell him to stop at least once.

You can also inquire HR as a question on how to handle in the future.