Have you become more jealous as you’ve gotten older & have kids?

[Anonymous]

I was don’t remember myself ever being jealous when younger. I was very naive as a young teen, nerdy. “Discovered” myself in college put makeup on, etc. attractive enough, accepted I wasn't a top student but you could hide that then.

Now that I am in my late 40’s, I’m jealous of other women- friends that look better than me, families, theur kids, upset my kids aren’t top students, that they are not graduating on time, the teen not attending top college. I’m just hiding from people.

What’s gotten into me?! Is this a Mid life crisis? I feel like a loser of some sort or all over again. Anyone feel like this?

[Anonymous]

I think it probably is that you care so much about being a good parent that you start to worry that other people have things or are doing things as a parent that you done.

[Anonymous]

What kind of neighborhood do you live in? I think I would feel that way if I lived in a super rich neighborhood. Where I live there are plenty of moms who don’t get all made up and aren’t always wearing the best clothes. My kids are doing well at their public high school, but we aren’t at one of the “W” schools in MCPS. Would I like to have more money to travel? Sure. Would I like to be thinner—absolutely. Those are two things I get jealous about —skinny people who travel a lot 🤣

It sounds cheesy, but practicing gratitude on a daily or almost daily basis really can help. Saying it out loud to a family member, texting a friend, or writing in a journal.

[Anonymous]

I’ve always had a jealous streak but have been able to ignore it. However, it really consumes me when it comes to what I can’t control. I have a really broad, short frame and have somehow in this vulnerable period in my life found myself surrounded by women who have small chests and lithe figures- colleagues, fellow parents, neighbors. I think it’s just a coincidence and probably temporary.

The things that “everyone” is wearing don’t work for me, so it makes me feel out of step and like I stand out even more. And jealous, because even though I am not overweight, I feel like a 13 year old all over again and like I’m trapped in the wrong body.

[Anonymous]

I have never been a particularly jealous person. I find as I get older that I am even less jealous. I’m happy with my long-term choices and how I choose to live my day-to-day life. I agree that practicing gratitude might help you. I feel immense gratitude for just about everything even though I have a child with a serious health condition and several health issues myself. My husband is partially disabled and had to quit his job in his 40s. Overall I know how lucky I am to be living how I do and with the resources that I have.

[Anonymous]

You are projecting your own disappointments as "jealousy". Not saying that is wrong or bad, but it's not about others as much as maybe your own expectations for your life.

[Anonymous]

No. Having kids made me much kinder. Everyone goes through something. I wouldn't trade what I have for anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are projecting your own disappointments as "jealousy". Not saying that is wrong or bad, but it's not about others as much as maybe your own expectations for your life.

+1. I'm feeling this with regard to wealth and financial options in general - my spouse and I both have do-gooder careers that are relatively low paying for our education level, and it's frustrating to feel like our peers are able to have a standard of living I could have had too if I'd made different choices a decade or two ago. (I don't even mean anything crazy, just "buy a nice SFH instead of a financially conservative TH while chasing postdoc that we now can't afford to move out of as the future of science jobs look so bleak.)

But it's my choices. Somehow literally everyone I know made way better choices than I did. I hust have to try not to let these feelings rub off on my kids.

[Anonymous]

You know, I used to live in a non DMV state and was about to move. I was considering either Boston or DC and looked heavily into the "culture" of both. I eliminated DC because of how it seemed to attract big fish from small ponds and people seemed wildly insecure and petty due to that. That was 20 years ago and it still seems to be the case now. All that to say it may be where you live.

[Anonymous]

No. The opposite, in fact. I feel grateful for the wonderful family I have.

[Anonymous]

I'm the opposite. I was materialistic and jealous when I was younger. Having kids as well as getting older made me realize so much of that stuff doesn't matter. I practice gratitude daily. There may be people who have things that I don't, but I am very fortunate to have what I do have.

You're jealous because you're unsatisfied with things in your life. Fix what you can and practice some gratitude. Jealousy is useless and will just make you miserable

[Anonymous]

No, I was lucky enough to realize in my early/mid 20's that I couldn't compete at all with people. I just don't measure up. So I stopped comparing myself to people. I do the best I can, and that's it.

Not everything is for everyone. I can't afford to go to Hawaii or Mexico or Europe or wherever, and don't have anyone to go with. Vacations you can brag about aren't for everyone.

I've been single my whole life. Nobody will ever want to marry me. Being desired isn't attainable for everyone.

I have the same job title in my late 40's that I had in my early 20's. I can't get promoted. Being impressive for work isn't possible for everyone. I could go on and on, but you get the idea.

You just need to make peace with where your life is. Sure, improve what you can, but be content with what you can't.

[Anonymous]

Quite the opposite. We came into money and I don't care what my kids do or where they go to school. They are already awesome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was don’t remember myself ever being jealous when younger. I was very naive as a young teen, nerdy. “Discovered” myself in college put makeup on, etc. attractive enough, accepted I wasn't a top student but you could hide that then.

Now that I am in my late 40’s, I’m jealous of other women- friends that look better than me, families, theur kids, upset my kids aren’t top students, that they are not graduating on time, the teen not attending top college. I’m just hiding from people.

What’s gotten into me?! Is this a Mid life crisis? I feel like a loser of some sort or all over again. Anyone feel like this?

Sounds like you have always focused too much on you and are missing out on other things.

[Anonymous]

Entirely the opposite, my jealousy eating away at my happiness is almost entirely gone. With age wisdom I suppose.