Anyone deal with hysterical bonding?

[Anonymous]

DH seemed closer to separating and was texting a bit inappropriately - nothing crazy. We also hadn't been intimate in year or two (bc of me) and now I have been having that hysterical bonding. One day I'm seemingly madly in love and another I'm full of resentment. Planning therapy soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH seemed closer to separating and was texting a bit inappropriately - nothing crazy. We also hadn't been intimate in year or two (bc of me) and now I have been having that hysterical bonding. One day I'm seemingly madly in love and another I'm full of resentment. Planning therapy soon.

What?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH seemed closer to separating and was texting a bit inappropriately - nothing crazy. We also hadn't been intimate in year or two (bc of me) and now I have been having that hysterical bonding. One day I'm seemingly madly in love and another I'm full of resentment. Planning therapy soon.

You having been intimate in a year or two (which is it?), and you're concerned about your DJ texting "a bit inappropriately"? LOL. Get real. You're lucky he's not flaunting his affairs in your face.

[Anonymous]

How resentful is he since you blew him off for years? Now you expect him to care? You lost that right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How resentful is he since you blew him off for years? Now you expect him to care? You lost that right.

I have been an amazing wife in other ways while he has been gallivanting around the world. There has been major resentment. It works both ways. I have also told him I am fine with "don't ask don't tell" and/or a one night stand. So he has hardly been suffering, even though he didn't partake. We both have contributed to our issues.

[Anonymous]

Texting you or someone else?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How resentful is he since you blew him off for years? Now you expect him to care? You lost that right.

I have been an amazing wife in other ways while he has been gallivanting around the world. There has been major resentment. It works both ways. I have also told him I am fine with "don't ask don't tell" and/or a one night stand. So he has hardly been suffering, even though he didn't partake. We both have contributed to our issues.

Yeah you still come off like someone who Is all "I'm not the problem!". If you want to save the marriage, put in the work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How resentful is he since you blew him off for years? Now you expect him to care? You lost that right.

I have been an amazing wife in other ways while he has been gallivanting around the world. There has been major resentment. It works both ways. I have also told him I am fine with "don't ask don't tell" and/or a one night stand. So he has hardly been suffering, even though he didn't partake. We both have contributed to our issues.

If he hasn't partake, he'd probably prefer you.

You have to decide if you're in or out.

I think hall passes are too dangerous to the permanence of a marriage. If you're in, and he's stopped traveling, I'd explicitly ask to rescind the offer. You will have to ask because you offered openly before.

Hysterical bonding settles down.

Work on the reasons why you hate him on alternate days. Are they fixable?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How resentful is he since you blew him off for years? Now you expect him to care? You lost that right.

I have been an amazing wife in other ways while he has been gallivanting around the world. There has been major resentment. It works both ways. I have also told him I am fine with "don't ask don't tell" and/or a one night stand. So he has hardly been suffering, even though he didn't partake. We both have contributed to our issues.

Yeah you still come off like someone who Is all "I'm not the problem!". If you want to save the marriage, put in the work.

We both are-- I can't go into details here but many can't believe what I have put up with. That being said, I haven't been perfect either. And I am extremely loyal and putting in the work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How resentful is he since you blew him off for years? Now you expect him to care? You lost that right.

I have been an amazing wife in other ways while he has been gallivanting around the world. There has been major resentment. It works both ways. I have also told him I am fine with "don't ask don't tell" and/or a one night stand. So he has hardly been suffering, even though he didn't partake. We both have contributed to our issues.

If you're fine with "don't ask don't tell" then don't mention his texting. Leave him alone to manage his love life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How resentful is he since you blew him off for years? Now you expect him to care? You lost that right.

I have been an amazing wife in other ways while he has been gallivanting around the world. There has been major resentment. It works both ways. I have also told him I am fine with "don't ask don't tell" and/or a one night stand. So he has hardly been suffering, even though he didn't partake. We both have contributed to our issues.

If you're fine with "don't ask don't tell" then don't mention his texting. Leave him alone to manage his love life.

I guess I'm not ok as I thought. Emotional connections bother me as opposed to meaningless flings. Plus I already found out.

[Anonymous]

Let him cheat in peace 🙄

[Anonymous]

"planning therapy soon?" You use the language of therapy, or at least online therapies, like "hysterical bonding"...

Try simply deciding. It's so much neater. Do you want to be with this person or not? You clearly recognize that there's post-infidelity mood swings and clinging, but that's not actual love or even attraction. Do you truly like this person? Want to do the work of loving them? Feel like you trust their love for you? If all three of those aren't absolute yes, back way the heck off and decide what you want. If you need a therapist to help you figure that out, get one, but IME so much of "therapy" is just paying someone to listen to shite you could've written in a journal for free.

You already know if you want to do the work to make this work or not, and it sure sounds like an "or not". Let your hall-pass-having separated spouse do what you've agreed and you go do your work on your feelings about it. Control the one person you can: yourself.

[Anonymous]

??

Your husband can't leave soon enough, my dear. You need a psychiatrist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Let him cheat in peace 🙄

What do you mean? Just ignore? Why?