Need advice

[Anonymous]

I am a single older women. For my birthday, I would like to meet friends for dinner at a restaurant. How do I invite them without suggesting I am picking up the tab for the whole group?

[Anonymous]

"Ladies, I'm on a budget but love you and would love to celebrate my birthday with you. If everyone paid their own way would you be able to join me July 12th at Fudruckers for dinner?"

[Anonymous]

Can you ask your closest friend to help you by sending out the invite ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a single older women. For my birthday, I would like to meet friends for dinner at a restaurant. How do I invite them without suggesting I am picking up the tab for the whole group?

Don't mention your birthday

"I haven't seen you in a while -- maybe we could get together for dinner somewhere?"

You cannot "invite" people to make a fuss over you at their expense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a single older women. For my birthday, I would like to meet friends for dinner at a restaurant. How do I invite them without suggesting I am picking up the tab for the whole group?

Don't mention your birthday

"I haven't seen you in a while -- maybe we could get together for dinner somewhere?"

You cannot "invite" people to make a fuss over you at their expense.

+1

You can't have it both ways.

If you want to celebrate your birthday then you host and pay.

[Anonymous]

I always find this so weird. In our friend group, we always pay for the birthday person.

[Anonymous]

Have people over instead? If you mention your birthday, they’ll try to pay for you if you don’t pick up the bill. Not cool of you OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a single older women. For my birthday, I would like to meet friends for dinner at a restaurant. How do I invite them without suggesting I am picking up the tab for the whole group?

Don't mention your birthday

"I haven't seen you in a while -- maybe we could get together for dinner somewhere?"

You cannot "invite" people to make a fuss over you at their expense.

+1

You can't have it both ways.

If you want to celebrate your birthday then you host and pay.

I did this when I was living overseas and hadn’t known my friend group for very long. I actually told them it was my birthday after the bill was paid, because I also didn’t want them to feel compelled to pay for mine. I got to have an amazing meal with friends, got birthday wishes at the end, and avoided any financial awkwardness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a single older women. For my birthday, I would like to meet friends for dinner at a restaurant. How do I invite them without suggesting I am picking up the tab for the whole group?

Don't mention your birthday

"I haven't seen you in a while -- maybe we could get together for dinner somewhere?"

You cannot "invite" people to make a fuss over you at their expense.

+1

You can't have it both ways.

If you want to celebrate your birthday then you host and pay.

I did this when I was living overseas and hadn’t known my friend group for very long. I actually told them it was my birthday after the bill was paid, because I also didn’t want them to feel compelled to pay for mine. I got to have an amazing meal with friends, got birthday wishes at the end, and avoided any financial awkwardness.

Oops— I quoted the wrong thing. Meant to quote pp who said just invite them without mentioning birthday.

[Anonymous]

This thread makes my heart hurt. What is the point of having "friends" if you can't just tell them the truth?

OP, just be straightforward about it: For my birthday, what I want is to have lunch with y'all. I'm broke, so it works best if we just treat it like a friend lunch and each pay our way. No gifts, just want to see you! Can you meet me at ______?

"Friendship" where you have to play a bunch of stupid headgames and pussyfoot around what you want sounds utterly exhausting. Give me a real friend who like the real me over this mock-polite nonsense!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a single older women. For my birthday, I would like to meet friends for dinner at a restaurant. How do I invite them without suggesting I am picking up the tab for the whole group?

Don't mention your birthday

"I haven't seen you in a while -- maybe we could get together for dinner somewhere?"

You cannot "invite" people to make a fuss over you at their expense.

+1

You can't have it both ways.

If you want to celebrate your birthday then you host and pay.

I Don’t understand the “have it both ways” comment.

If these are people you would join for dinner normally, why is it asking for a fuss to do it on your birthday? Especially if you make it clear that no gifts will be accepted.

Some of you may not be single, but if you are and don’t make your own plans, nothing will happen. Not sure why you are more obligated on your birthday to pick up the bill than other nights? 🤔

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes my heart hurt. What is the point of having "friends" if you can't just tell them the truth?

OP, just be straightforward about it: For my birthday, what I want is to have lunch with y'all. I'm broke, so it works best if we just treat it like a friend lunch and each pay our way. No gifts, just want to see you! Can you meet me at ______?

"Friendship" where you have to play a bunch of stupid headgames and pussyfoot around what you want sounds utterly exhausting. Give me a real friend who like the real me over this mock-polite nonsense!

Hallelujah!! It is great to hear from someone else who values authenticity.

It is almost like some of these posters are saying, “if you expect your friends’ company in your birthday, you have to make it worth their while.”

[Anonymous]

I kind of hate this expectation too, OP. I live in a small space that's frankly a terrible layout for entertaining, i wish it were different, but I also can't afford to pay for a restaurant meal or catering for a group. I do still want to celebrate! (My kids' birthdays are the "pizza and cake at the park" model, but I'm not proposing that in August for adults.)

A neighbor handled it by saying "we'll be at X causal spot for Y's birthday, feel free to join us for a drink if you're free," and they ordered some apps for the table. People could either stay for a full meal, or pop in and out. You obviously have to start this before a traditional dinnertime and it has to be a very casual spot.

[Anonymous]

Leave your birthday out of it and see who wants to meet up for dinner

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes my heart hurt. What is the point of having "friends" if you can't just tell them the truth?

OP, just be straightforward about it: For my birthday, what I want is to have lunch with y'all. I'm broke, so it works best if we just treat it like a friend lunch and each pay our way. No gifts, just want to see you! Can you meet me at ______?

"Friendship" where you have to play a bunch of stupid headgames and pussyfoot around what you want sounds utterly exhausting. Give me a real friend who like the real me over this mock-polite nonsense!

I agree!! You don’t have to say you’re broke but based on your initial post,
I’m sure you can find tasteful wording. Or just ask ChatGPT your question! I cannot imagine judging my friends or taking offense for this. Also, if you don’t want them to split the cost of your meal, you can mention that as well. Most people worth being friends with value authenticity.