Hitting a mental block

[Anonymous]

Half way point of my parents very long visit for graduation. From overseas and they always stay a long time, but this time they are not driving and I am working full time. I sent them out to lunch with ds who is driving. Is there something wrong with me that I am finding coping with this visit so incredibly difficult? They are nice people and not difficult, but they eat.so.much.food. It feels like having four kids and constantly feeding. It is non-stop, breakfast, huge lunch, dinner...I am constantly running out of food because they eat it all, and I am also running out of ideas. Sandwiches not an option for every day because they are very big on hot, large lunches.

[Anonymous]

It's normal to have complicated feelings as they begin their decline.

But I would give them sandwiches and let them fuss. Or frozen Trader Joe's food, their lasagna is not bad. Figure out some way of advance prepping lunches before the visit and it'll be much easier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's normal to have complicated feelings as they begin their decline.

But I would give them sandwiches and let them fuss. Or frozen Trader Joe's food, their lasagna is not bad. Figure out some way of advance prepping lunches before the visit and it'll be much easier.

No, they are here now and we are half-way through (so two weeks in, two weeks to go) At first I was organized because I pre-planned and I did get some Trader Joe's. There is a LOT going on now with end of year senior stuff, plus work, plus taking them places. I am completely frazzled and have been shopping locally for food but it's every two days and then the food is gone. The amount of food is overwhelming.

[Anonymous]

Ha ha! I think we suffer from overthinking and overcaring, OP.

My parents eat next to nothing because they're super health nuts and can't find "healthy-enough" foods over here in the States. I agonize that they're not getting adequate nutrients, and I run around the Whole Foods and trawl Amazon trying to find things that might pass muster.

Perhaps you're also projecting other causes of stress (work? their long stay?) on this food issue. Tell them they need to shop and cook their own meals.

[Anonymous]

Uber

[Anonymous]

Teach them how to order from the grocery store to have things delivered to your house, or how to use Uber and send them to the store. Tell them "tomorrow we're having sandwiches and fruit for lunch." That way they can mentally prepare. Do that every other day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ha ha! I think we suffer from overthinking and overcaring, OP.

My parents eat next to nothing because they're super health nuts and can't find "healthy-enough" foods over here in the States. I agonize that they're not getting adequate nutrients, and I run around the Whole Foods and trawl Amazon trying to find things that might pass muster.

Perhaps you're also projecting other causes of stress (work? their long stay?) on this food issue. Tell them they need to shop and cook their own meals.

I am beyond stressed but the food bit is a real issue. They can easily eat a whole loaf of bread for breakfast. They each eat as much as two grown adults. It's actually crazy. The issue this trip is they used to drive, my dad would sometimes grocery shop, my mom would cook. This time my mom is very physically limited and my dad is scared to drive. They say they want to help and "will eat anything" but they really don't and won't. As for Uber, ordering out...I sent my ds to buy lunch with them today but it is also all extremely costly.

[Anonymous]

Maybe let them know they are welcome to prepare their own meals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Maybe let them know they are welcome to prepare their own meals.

Of course I told them that, that I'm happy to get them stuff to cook. They are much, much more passive. I showed my dad how to make coffee and he won't try to do it so they wait for me (they wake up really early) for me to set the breakfast table and make coffee. Maybe it's an age thing. It's very difficult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Maybe let them know they are welcome to prepare their own meals.

Of course I told them that, that I'm happy to get them stuff to cook. They are much, much more passive. I showed my dad how to make coffee and he won't try to do it so they wait for me (they wake up really early) for me to set the breakfast table and make coffee. Maybe it's an age thing. It's very difficult.

Oh wow.. agree .. that's very difficult.
Maybe just continue to gently remind them.. Or let them know you can't everyday due to work/kid schedule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ha ha! I think we suffer from overthinking and overcaring, OP.

My parents eat next to nothing because they're super health nuts and can't find "healthy-enough" foods over here in the States. I agonize that they're not getting adequate nutrients, and I run around the Whole Foods and trawl Amazon trying to find things that might pass muster.

Perhaps you're also projecting other causes of stress (work? their long stay?) on this food issue. Tell them they need to shop and cook their own meals.

I am beyond stressed but the food bit is a real issue. They can easily eat a whole loaf of bread for breakfast. They each eat as much as two grown adults. It's actually crazy. The issue this trip is they used to drive, my dad would sometimes grocery shop, my mom would cook. This time my mom is very physically limited and my dad is scared to drive. They say they want to help and "will eat anything" but they really don't and won't. As for Uber, ordering out...I sent my ds to buy lunch with them today but it is also all extremely costly.

PP you replied to. Wow, that's actually not healthy. The constant eating plus the inability to care for themselves looks like cognitive decline, OP. Are they so stressed at being outside of their usual environment without their usual activities that they're bored and eating their feelings? What happens when you tell them you cannot shop and order expensive takeout all the time, and that they have to eat less? Like, in the evening, show them the breakfast stuff they can eat the next day: half a loaf between them, butter, jam, one egg each. Would they abide by that or would they eat more?

I would do my best to not cater to their helplessness, like making them coffee, but you're the one who can best sense whether they have really lost the ability or whether they can do it if you're not there. Maybe if you put instant coffee powder on the table and they just needed to hit the boil button on the kettle?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ha ha! I think we suffer from overthinking and overcaring, OP.

My parents eat next to nothing because they're super health nuts and can't find "healthy-enough" foods over here in the States. I agonize that they're not getting adequate nutrients, and I run around the Whole Foods and trawl Amazon trying to find things that might pass muster.

Perhaps you're also projecting other causes of stress (work? their long stay?) on this food issue. Tell them they need to shop and cook their own meals.

I am beyond stressed but the food bit is a real issue. They can easily eat a whole loaf of bread for breakfast. They each eat as much as two grown adults. It's actually crazy. The issue this trip is they used to drive, my dad would sometimes grocery shop, my mom would cook. This time my mom is very physically limited and my dad is scared to drive. They say they want to help and "will eat anything" but they really don't and won't. As for Uber, ordering out...I sent my ds to buy lunch with them today but it is also all extremely costly.

PP you replied to. Wow, that's actually not healthy. The constant eating plus the inability to care for themselves looks like cognitive decline, OP. Are they so stressed at being outside of their usual environment without their usual activities that they're bored and eating their feelings? What happens when you tell them you cannot shop and order expensive takeout all the time, and that they have to eat less? Like, in the evening, show them the breakfast stuff they can eat the next day: half a loaf between them, butter, jam, one egg each. Would they abide by that or would they eat more?

I would do my best to not cater to their helplessness, like making them coffee, but you're the one who can best sense whether they have really lost the ability or whether they can do it if you're not there. Maybe if you put instant coffee powder on the table and they just needed to hit the boil button on the kettle?

The eating has always been like this. They don’t snack, they just eat huge meals and the meals have to be real meals. My dad has decided he wants to garden so he is doing lots of yard work which is nice but tbh I like yard work, feeding people is what is tough for me. My mom is mentally fine but physically very limited. Usually on previous visits they’d be out for entire days and I also was not working full time so managing was a whole lot easier.

[Anonymous]

I agree their helplessness indicates cognitive decline. If they can't learn and retain how to make coffee, trouble ahead.

But if your dad can do yard work, he can make coffee. This is really entitled behavior. They probably think it's your filial duty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ha ha! I think we suffer from overthinking and overcaring, OP.

My parents eat next to nothing because they're super health nuts and can't find "healthy-enough" foods over here in the States. I agonize that they're not getting adequate nutrients, and I run around the Whole Foods and trawl Amazon trying to find things that might pass muster.

Perhaps you're also projecting other causes of stress (work? their long stay?) on this food issue. Tell them they need to shop and cook their own meals.

I am beyond stressed but the food bit is a real issue. They can easily eat a whole loaf of bread for breakfast. They each eat as much as two grown adults. It's actually crazy. The issue this trip is they used to drive, my dad would sometimes grocery shop, my mom would cook. This time my mom is very physically limited and my dad is scared to drive. They say they want to help and "will eat anything" but they really don't and won't. As for Uber, ordering out...I sent my ds to buy lunch with them today but it is also all extremely costly.

What are they going to do about it if you don't make them lunch?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree their helplessness indicates cognitive decline. If they can't learn and retain how to make coffee, trouble ahead.

But if your dad can do yard work, he can make coffee. This is really entitled behavior. They probably think it's your filial duty.

When they have guests they take great care of guests but they also have not worked in a long time. So I think in their mind this is all normal being catered to.