College student spending of mom and dad's money

[Anonymous]

My 20 year old is home from college for the summer. We share our credit card with her for various purchases while at school, but now feel like she's spending too much of OUR money and not earning enough of her own. Any guidance on how families deal with providing financial support to their college students? I'm having a hard time figuring out the guidelines. We can afford to support her in all her desires to go to Chipotle, Starbuck, Chick Fila, Sushi, etc but don't want the purse wide open since that's not a good lesson in life. What do other families do?

[Anonymous]

Have them get a job?

[Anonymous]

OP, come on. What is she doing this summer? Is she working? Is she taking classes? Is she volunteering? I think you need to set a budget for her that’s modest, and then anything above that she has to figure it out. That would be the good lesson.

[Anonymous]

My 20 year old has a debit card that deducts from her bank account. I made her put her earnings into a Roth. She can see how it performs, as well as her UTMA.
She works in the summers, and works very part-time while at school.
Most of the money in her account is her earnings. We will sometimes pay for things, like plane tickets for certain programs she wants to undertake, or a new laptop for school. But sundry everyday expenses are on her. She would come to us if she needs more cover but she doesn't.

We can afford to float her however DH and I are at odds about it. He wants to give her whenever she asks and I'm the one who says no, she needs to think about whether or not something is worth the money she worked for. I really believe that at this age the patterns become set so if a person has been floated, they will continue to expect it going forward. I want to throw cold water on that expectation.

My kid eats at home unless she is having dates with friends. She does indulge in skincare products.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 20 year old is home from college for the summer. We share our credit card with her for various purchases while at school, but now feel like she's spending too much of OUR money and not earning enough of her own. Any guidance on how families deal with providing financial support to their college students? I'm having a hard time figuring out the guidelines. We can afford to support her in all her desires to go to Chipotle, Starbuck, Chick Fila, Sushi, etc but don't want the purse wide open since that's not a good lesson in life. What do other families do?

Set a budget and stick to it.

[Anonymous]

Why is there NO budget? When I paid room and board for my kids at college, I gave them enough cash to include pizza money once/week. The shared credit card should have limitations (books and x amount for the month for incidentals). Just because you are able to afford it doesn’t mean you should. Does she have a 40 hour a week summer job? How do you expect her to afford her lifestyle once she graduates? Read old posts about parents who “subsidize” their adult children. Teach her before it’s too late.

[Anonymous]

We pay our college kids tuition, room and board (and pay them the amount we would have paid for meals on campus as they move off campus and don't want to swipe any more). Summers they work for the rest (what we call pizza and beer money). They have their own cc (student ones, very low limits, one started at $400, now up to $900).

This is on you for giving them your card with no limits. They need to learn to prioritize what to spend money on, and they do that by spending their own money, not mommy and daddy's money. Be a parent, take away the card and have them get a job

[Anonymous]

Definitely set a budget. I pay for gas for my son while he is in school but the expectation is he pays it himself during the summer when he's working. I give him an allowance outside of that and it doesn't change. They need to feel the need to save for things. It's a valuable life skill to teach them.

[Anonymous]

We had each child get their own credit card that they were responsible for paying. I think the limit was $1,000. At first, DH would go over it each month with them, and transfer over what we would pay. We paid for transportation to and from school, books, toiletries (we had boys and these were minimal), other school supplies. They were responsible for paying for their own spending money. They knew this from middle school or so? We were somewhat flexible, for example, one summer one had a non-paying internship and we “paid” them something so that they would have spending money for the next school year. It was the summer of 2020 and they had had a paying internship that was cancelled due to Covid. They were rising seniors and were able to cobble something together that was related to their major.

Others we know, gave a monthly stipend/allowance and their student had to stay within that.

[Anonymous]

My daughter has her own bank account, a fixed allowance during term time, and if she wants money for the summer she can earn it. I don’t understand all these people that give their kids their credit cards. How are they meant to learn the value of money?

I don’t make them put all their money in a Roth though, that is bonkers.

[Anonymous]

She could be working in a restaurant making $25-$40 an hour.
She needs to budget, and know the value of things versus the price.
She should know all about Roth IRA, have it already, and how to buy stocks in it. Even my 11-year old knows the best stocks to buy and that $6 for chewing gum is too much.
I bet your kid doesn't even know that money comes from money and not just from work. She wouldn't be spending it if she knew. She will find out at 40 and will be wondering what took her so long to see it.
Op, you don't have to do anything actually. She will shape up once she has to work and pay rent.

[Anonymous]

We don’t pay for takeout for our kids unless we are all eating together and we offer to treat them. How have you not addressed this before? My kids knew this in HS and would have lost credit card access if they abused it.

[Anonymous]

Take away the credit card. If you want to give them an allowance for spending money, put it in their bank account and they can use a debit card.

We give our kids a very minimal allowance ($50/mo) and pay for all college expenses. They have jobs to pay for other things.

The one exception I'd consider is providing more money for general expenses if they had a great unpaid internship in their field.

[Anonymous]

My teens got their own credit card at 18, no co-sign no sharing account. They are responsible for their phone, clothing, shoes, food outside of home, cosmetics. They have jobs at college and over summer. One has friends who spend parents money like water and she had to advocate for herself and the frugal option.
If I were you, I’d encourage them to get their own card and don’t bail them out. It’s a very important lesson to learn to budget!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take away the credit card. If you want to give them an allowance for spending money, put it in their bank account and they can use a debit card.

We give our kids a very minimal allowance ($50/mo) and pay for all college expenses. They have jobs to pay for other things.

The one exception I'd consider is providing more money for general expenses if they had a great unpaid internship in their field.

+1 you need a budget and set allowance meant to cover certain items. If they can’t play by the rules, the lose the card.