Birthday party—how would you have diffused this mom?

[Anonymous]

Yesterday we hosted a small birthday party at a park for our DD8. She invited five of her classmates. One of them has dietary needs that we even purchased special food to accommodate (as communicated about with the mom.) Most of these girls have siblings and I was very clear in my invite WHO was invited, and I specified that I wanted to keep it small so I could more easily keep tabs on the girls.

Last to arrive was classmate Mary. Mary has two sisters, Bo, 6, and Peep, 2. Mom asked if I would kind terribly if Bo stuck around for the party, too, and reluctantly I agreed. All was well until the end of the party when the parents started arriving for pickup. I had made little favor bags, including one for DD. When Bo became the 6th party goer, I asked DD if she minded giving Bo her favor, promising we’d get another, and she didn’t care at all. But when Mom arrived with Peep, and Peep started whining about not getting a favor, Mom pretty much took it out on me! Asking if I was sure I didn’t have more, she even started digging though trash looking for… I don’t know, disposed favors? She asked me no fewer than three times if I was sure I didn’t have more. This whole ordeal went on for like ten minutes, and she kept having this dialog with the 2yo about how Larla (my DD) didn’t have a party favor for her, how Larla’s mommy didn’t have a party favor for her, how sad it was there wasn’t a favor for her. I don’t like to placate this sort of behavior but I wanted her to leave so I could clean up, so I offered a balloon thinking that might help, but Mom didn’t want to “deal with a balloon”.

I can’t stop thinking about it. I’m like shocked, but not surprised, I guess, that a parent would not even be so rude, but also greedy? and not know how to shut down a child asking for something that isn’t theirs. No other parent who arrived to pick up with a sibling said a thing about favors for their other kids. Did I screw up? Is this a thing? If not, what would you have said? I wish I would have had a clever comeback.

[Anonymous]

*Not sure if it matters, but Mary has the dietary restrictions

[Anonymous]

Dietary restrictions have nothing to do with your post.
You were not wrong to not have sibling favors. That shouldn’t be expected.
You sound overly rigid about siblings though considering it was in a park/public place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dietary restrictions have nothing to do with your post.
You were not wrong to not have sibling favors. That shouldn’t be expected.
You sound overly rigid about siblings though considering it was in a park/public place.

So if party is in a public place, the hostess must mind all the children. What? OP did nothing wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dietary restrictions have nothing to do with your post.
You were not wrong to not have sibling favors. That shouldn’t be expected.
You sound overly rigid about siblings though considering it was in a park/public place.

Thanks. I mentioned it because maybe I was too accommodating, and she took advantage? I don’t know. I wasn’t trying to be rigid, but it was a drop-off party at a sprawling play structure and I didn’t want to have to keep tabs on extra kids alone. Of course I have no control over parents who stayed, but they didn’t; they dropped off.

[Anonymous]

Their mom is Mother Goose. She sounds deranged

[Anonymous]

Sometimes you just need to tell people how it is.

Jessica- I went out of my way to make sure I had allergy safe food for Mary and to have a treat bag for EACH invited child. I did not invite siblings to this party but you put me in an awkward situation when you asked if Bo could stay. THEN my child, the birthday girl, shared their own treat bag to Bo knowing we only had enough for the invited guests. For you to now be upset that your other child, not invited, could not have a treat bag is beyond absurd. I suggest your 2 children share with their sister and my child shared with yours.

[Anonymous]

Forget about it. Sometimes parents keep up a continuous stream of sympathetic nonsense with toddlers to keep them from melting down.

It isn't your fault or your responsibility how the mom or Peep feels. Let them work it out. Your responsibility was only to host Mary in a manner respectful of her dietary needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dietary restrictions have nothing to do with your post.
You were not wrong to not have sibling favors. That shouldn’t be expected.
You sound overly rigid about siblings though considering it was in a park/public place.

Thanks. I mentioned it because maybe I was too accommodating, and she took advantage? I don’t know. I wasn’t trying to be rigid, but it was a drop-off party at a sprawling play structure and I didn’t want to have to keep tabs on extra kids alone. Of course I have no control over parents who stayed, but they didn’t; they dropped off.

The "too rigid" pp is wrong. Sure, they can stay but they cannot expect you to look after their extras.

[Anonymous]

If you give a mouse a cookie . . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dietary restrictions have nothing to do with your post.
You were not wrong to not have sibling favors. That shouldn’t be expected.
You sound overly rigid about siblings though considering it was in a park/public place.

There is nothing overly rigid about not wanting to be responsible for extra kids. OP invited the number of kids that worked for their DD’s party. The person with the extra siblings certainly didn’t offer to stay and help supervise.

[Anonymous]

Mom is nuts and I would never invite them again.

You did fine, there is no placating crazy.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, OP! That's beyond the pale. Every year there are some parents who are precious about siblings attending my daughter's birthday party, but your story is pretty bad. When parents ask me at the last minute if they can bring siblings to a party where I've made it clear that siblings are not invited, I sometimes reluctantly agree but ALWAYS point out that I don't have a favor bag for them. This year a parent brought two siblings and her own favor bags for them, which she asked me to give the extra kids. The siblings did thank me at the end, and specifically thanked me for the favors (which their mom had brought), and I just said, "you're welcome."

Anyway, you would not have been out of line to say something like, "Mary's mom, I do not have favors for siblings who we did not invite to the party, as I'm sure you can understand." Or even, "We had to give my child's favor to Bo already. If you keep making a big deal out of favors, my child is likely to get upset about not getting one because she had to give hers away to our extra guest. I'd like to kindly ask you to drop the favor issue. Thanks so much for coming!"

[Anonymous]

The other mom was in the wrong. That being said, I always make a couple of extra favor bags in case someeone's sibling shows up unexpectedly. If no one grabs them I take them home. I have a box where I put any leftover party decor items and favor stuff. At some point I will I post it to my neighborhood buy nothing site. I figure another parent with little kids might want it, or maybe a teacher for their prize box.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did I screw up? Is this a thing? If not, what would you have said? I wish I would have had a clever comeback.

OP you were very patient and gracious. I'm not sure what was going on with this mom. The best way to diffuse might have been to pay less attention (not listen or respond to her weird conversation with Peep, focus on the other party leavers, start cleaning up), as long as you could stay friendly.