Birthday party—how would you have diffused this mom?

[Anonymous]

I would cut off Mary, her mom, Bo, Peep - the whole lot of them.

I decided very early in my momhood career that, as much as possible, we were only going to spend time with fun, relaxing people. People like Mary’s mom are not worth the stress.

That said, like a PP, I always made a few extra favor bags for birthday parties.

[Anonymous]

First, I love you for your choice of names.

Second, yes, the mother sounds deranged. In all my years of distributing party favors (my kids are now teens and young adults), no parent ever complained when an extra sibling did not receive a favor. They were just grateful that the extra sibling had been included!

Third, if this parent requested special food, that is on par with the rest of her conduct. My son is anaphylactically allergic to nuts, and I never expected the hosts to provide special food for him. If necessary, I brought stuff for him. When I've been a host, I've always asked if guests had special dietary needs and done my best to accommodate them, but parents never asked me to do that. And some came with their own food.

I think there was nothing you could have said to make it better, or to make this parent understand her transgression. Do your best to forget about it.

[Anonymous]

OP, that mother is an awful, poorly mannered pill. She dumped your 6 year old in you and then threw a fit when the 2 year old didn't receive a favor after the birthday girl was forced to give up hers for the uninvited 6 year old. Honestly, since I would never want to be friends with that kind of mother, I'd probably call her and tell her that your had a night to think about it and then just tell her how rude she was. I would do it over the phone because I would not want anything in writing. Just say you needed to get that off your chest because you are disappointed that you allowed yourself to be taken advantage of and treated so poorly. Then let her respond and be willing to hang up if she gets aggressive

[Anonymous]

When people freak out/throw tantrums it’s usually about them and not you. I usually just try to be kind and give them a little space. I would have probably just said, “thanks so much for coming, [daughter] really enjoyed having the kids here” and then tried to back away.

I actually do always bring a few extra goodie bags and if I know a kid has a sibling, I’ll give them an extra for them to bring home. Parents always appreciate it because it prevents the inevitable fight/brag at home. However, I would NEVER expect someone to do this and I would never act so entitled!

[Anonymous]

She sounds like a real jerk.
She was pushy. She left a younger child that would require more supervision. She was rude about a favor for the toddler, and instead of criticizing you in your earshot, she should’ve told the toddler that the favors were for party guests but maybe her sisters would share. You were gracious to problem-solve and offer a balloon, which most toddlers love.

Next year if you invite the oldest kid, specifically tell this mother in advance that NO SIBLINGS can come. And if she asks you at the time of dropoff, say no.

[Anonymous]

You did nothing wrong, op.

If one of my kids went to a birthday party and brought home favors the others were told that they may be able to play with the toy later but no they were not also getting a bag. If they were sad, oh well. The beautiful thing was that my kids started sharing with their sibling on their own—it was not something we pushed at all. Out of those situations, lessons in generosity and kindness were borne.

I hate to say this, but that mom exemplifies why there are so many poorly behaved kids in school these days. Parents who bend over backwards to make sure their kids never feel sad or that things aren’t equal make kids who act up when school doesn’t accommodate their every feeling and need.

I wouldn’t cut off the kid, it’s not the kid’s fault. But I would absolutely be clear with boundaries with that mom in the future. She’ll never be happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She sounds like a real jerk.
She was pushy. She left a younger child that would require more supervision. She was rude about a favor for the toddler, and instead of criticizing you in your earshot, she should’ve told the toddler that the favors were for party guests but maybe her sisters would share. You were gracious to problem-solve and offer a balloon, which most toddlers love.

Next year if you invite the oldest kid, specifically tell this mother in advance that NO SIBLINGS can come. And if she asks you at the time of dropoff, say no.

Clever comeback:
“[Birthday girl] already gave up her favor bag to Bo, since she wasn’t on the guest list so there wasn’t already one for her. Other than this balloon, I can’t manufacture an extra favor bag out of thin air for yet another child who wasn’t on the guest list. Maybe your girls can share with their sister.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes you just need to tell people how it is.

Jessica- I went out of my way to make sure I had allergy safe food for Mary and to have a treat bag for EACH invited child. I did not invite siblings to this party but you put me in an awkward situation when you asked if Bo could stay. THEN my child, the birthday girl, shared their own treat bag to Bo knowing we only had enough for the invited guests. For you to now be upset that your other child, not invited, could not have a treat bag is beyond absurd. I suggest your 2 children share with their sister and my child shared with yours.

Meh. All true, but some parents are just unreasonable and it's like talking to a wall. Don't invite that kid next time.

[Anonymous]

That mother was so incredibly rude that frankly I would not
have cared what she thought. Am I understanding correctly that she dropped off the 2yo with you as well?! Unbelievable. Who cares what she thinks…

I’d have just told her “I only made favors for the kids at the party, and I gave 2yo DD’s favor bag already. I do not have more”

FWIW I always made extra goody bags for fear of some sort of odd situation happening. But I am the same way with food too (always have so much extra). And it certainly is not an obligation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Forget about it. Sometimes parents keep up a continuous stream of sympathetic nonsense with toddlers to keep them from melting down.

It isn't your fault or your responsibility how the mom or Peep feels. Let them work it out. Your responsibility was only to host Mary in a manner respectful of her dietary needs.

+1 that mom is very rude and entitled, but was her whole monologue/performance really directed at you or some pathetic attempt to placate the toddler?

[Anonymous]

This surprises me. I never make extra favors (if I make them at all), and sometimes sibling join in. I’ve never once heard a complaint about not getting favors. Big sister can share her bag of cheap garbage with little sister. I don’t get what the problem is. In fact, as the parent, the fever favor bags we get, the better

[Anonymous]

No more party favors. Problem solved!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Forget about it. Sometimes parents keep up a continuous stream of sympathetic nonsense with toddlers to keep them from melting down.

It isn't your fault or your responsibility how the mom or Peep feels. Let them work it out. Your responsibility was only to host Mary in a manner respectful of her dietary needs.

+1

This sounds more like a mom who doesn’t know how to say no to her toddler than a mom who thought it was your fault/problem. Just let it go.

Next time, though, if she wants Bo to stay, I would say “unfortunately, I’m not in a position to supervise additional, younger kids. Of course she is welcome to join in the fun but you’ll need to stay as well to watch her.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Forget about it. Sometimes parents keep up a continuous stream of sympathetic nonsense with toddlers to keep them from melting down.

It isn't your fault or your responsibility how the mom or Peep feels. Let them work it out. Your responsibility was only to host Mary in a manner respectful of her dietary needs.

+1

This sounds more like a mom who doesn’t know how to say no to her toddler than a mom who thought it was your fault/problem. Just let it go.

Next time, though, if she wants Bo to stay, I would say “unfortunately, I’m not in a position to supervise additional, younger kids. Of course she is welcome to join in the fun but you’ll need to stay as well to watch her.”

PP also to add - and tell her there are no extra party favors. Birthday girl can keep hers next time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Forget about it. Sometimes parents keep up a continuous stream of sympathetic nonsense with toddlers to keep them from melting down.

It isn't your fault or your responsibility how the mom or Peep feels. Let them work it out. Your responsibility was only to host Mary in a manner respectful of her dietary needs.

+1

This sounds more like a mom who doesn’t know how to say no to her toddler than a mom who thought it was your fault/problem. Just let it go.

Next time, though, if she wants Bo to stay, I would say “unfortunately, I’m not in a position to supervise additional, younger kids. Of course she is welcome to join in the fun but you’ll need to stay as well to watch her[b].”

Nah. I’d leave out the “unfortunately” bc that sounds like you’re sorry you can’t have the kid that you actually don’t want there so it’s insincere. And I would also leave off the of course she is welcome to join. Hell no. Unless your kid actually is friends with the sister too and wants her to stay. Otherwise no. She’s not invited don’t tell her that “of course she’s welcome to join.” It’s not what your DD or you intended/wanted and you are the hosts so you get to decide. And it’s encouraging the other parent’s rudeness too.