How do you manage being the next of kin for multiple out of state / country while also …

[Anonymous]

… dealing with your own family’s health issues (near death event, hospitalizations), no loss and struggling teens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:… dealing with your own family’s health issues (near death event, hospitalizations), no loss and struggling teens.

No loss = job loss

I’m ready to leave now. Nothing matters. Nothing i do helps.

[Anonymous]

You just drop the rope. Take care of the ones here.

[Anonymous]

Tell whoever overseas out of state they need to designate someone else as emergency contact or designated rep. You can't do it any more.

[Anonymous]

It’s very hard, I am sorry. You need to get help local to the person.

If they have already died and you are executor, hire an attorney to do it all.

[Anonymous]

I would not have agreed to be designated in the first place.

For any who are capable of handling it, you need to tell them you can't do it. Don't ask them, don't hint, TELL them. It's not a discussion and you don't need their permission and you don't need to help them find a replacement.

[Anonymous]

You can only do so much, OP. Prioritize your children and yourself.

Like many foreigners on visas or green cards, we have been advised not to travel outside the USA for the foreseeable future. Some immigration lawyers are even telling people not to take domestic flights.

So we told our aging parents and relatives in our EU home country that they were absolutely forbidden from falling severely ill or dyeing until at least 2028

[Anonymous]

Dying. Dyeing would be pretty fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not have agreed to be designated in the first place.

For any who are capable of handling it, you need to tell them you can't do it. Don't ask them, don't hint, TELL them. It's not a discussion and you don't need their permission and you don't need to help them find a replacement.

Easier when you’re not their next of or only kin. I’m dealing with multiple relatives unrelated to each other with no kids or sieving siblings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not have agreed to be designated in the first place.

For any who are capable of handling it, you need to tell them you can't do it. Don't ask them, don't hint, TELL them. It's not a discussion and you don't need their permission and you don't need to help them find a replacement.

Easier when you’re not their next of or only kin. I’m dealing with multiple relatives unrelated to each other with no kids or sieving siblings.

Indeed, it isn't easy. But unless you've got some sort of magical wormhole through space and time, something has to give. You can hire help, and you can say no and let them fend for themselves. There's no other solution you haven't thought of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not have agreed to be designated in the first place.

For any who are capable of handling it, you need to tell them you can't do it. Don't ask them, don't hint, TELL them. It's not a discussion and you don't need their permission and you don't need to help them find a replacement.

Easier when you’re not their next of or only kin. I’m dealing with multiple relatives unrelated to each other with no kids or sieving siblings.

Indeed, it isn't easy. But unless you've got some sort of magical wormhole through space and time, something has to give. You can hire help, and you can say no and let them fend for themselves. There's no other solution you haven't thought of.

Of course there is. You can learn about elderly social services there are connect with a social worker to meet and check on them, if they are EU anyway

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not have agreed to be designated in the first place.

For any who are capable of handling it, you need to tell them you can't do it. Don't ask them, don't hint, TELL them. It's not a discussion and you don't need their permission and you don't need to help them find a replacement.

Easier when you’re not their next of or only kin. I’m dealing with multiple relatives unrelated to each other with no kids or sieving siblings.

You say no. They can hire people to play every role from care manager to POA to trustee. It’s expensive because it’s a ton of work. People love to take advantage of family. One of my kids has SN, my husband has health issues and I do for those I love who are there for me, not because someone feels entitled based on blood. I have a sibling who has alienated anyone who got close with backstabbing, manipulation and/or cheating and despite not being close and being mean spirited to me, she expected me to be her person. I declined and she created family drama and chaos, but eventually she hired her network.

[Anonymous]

OP, it's not your responsibility to fix their problem. It's not your responsibility to figure it out or know how else it's going to work. You can say no. There are hospital social workers, as just one example. It's actually irresponsible for you to take on this role if you should be giving your own family your full attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not have agreed to be designated in the first place.

For any who are capable of handling it, you need to tell them you can't do it. Don't ask them, don't hint, TELL them. It's not a discussion and you don't need their permission and you don't need to help them find a replacement.

Easier when you’re not their next of or only kin. I’m dealing with multiple relatives unrelated to each other with no kids or sieving siblings.

How is that possible? Like you can have a mom and a dad divorced and you are their only child. Ok. But then any other relative would be related to one of them right? So any aunts uncles cousins… at some point one of them should be related to another?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not have agreed to be designated in the first place.

For any who are capable of handling it, you need to tell them you can't do it. Don't ask them, don't hint, TELL them. It's not a discussion and you don't need their permission and you don't need to help them find a replacement.

Easier when you’re not their next of or only kin. I’m dealing with multiple relatives unrelated to each other with no kids or sieving siblings.

You need to get comfortable with having boundaries and dealing with the fallout. It's about integrity. You don't say "yes" to something you know you cannot handle. you give a gentle and firm no and deal with the fallout. The more entitled and selfish they are the more they will create drama. Yes, it's painful having people disappointed, but it shows integrity to be honest. You didn't say no from the start, but at least say "no" while they are still healthy and capable of finding someone else. it would be heartless to wait until someone is disabled and incapable to bail. Sometimes doing the right thing for your family you created is about making hard choices, and right and wrong is complicated because it is wrong to ruin your own sanity and health for a relative. On the other hand, you need to deal with this before they are in a dire situation.