Why the hate on parents to switch clubs for their child's sport?

[Anonymous]

I have noticed throughout my kids sports, a common topic that parents ridicule is when a family decides to move their child to a different club. It is apparently seen as "letter chasing" or "leaving because they werent getting playing time rather than working on improving".

We are looking to move to play with a new coach who sees alot of potential in our child. This is at a neighboring soccer club at the same level. I dont see why we would stay with a club/coach who thinks our child is no good at the sport, and benches them for long stretches of the game (this is our 4th season with the club). How is that fun for our child?

And to say that our child just isnt good enough - we have all seen teams that are full of coach's friends and their kids who undeservingly get all the playing time and best positions.

It also seems odd that just because a parent chose 'Club A' when their child was 8 years old - they are now expected to remain there for the next decade? I also dont see the logic in convincing our child to work even harder - just to help a coach and players who take them for granted win more games.

Am I missing something before we make the switch?

[Anonymous]

If this is really how the actual parents on your current club think, they most likely have bad attitudes.

If you are really moving for the reasons you state (a club where the coach will give your child new chances) and you do it respectfully, it should all be fine.

The stereotypes exist because this kind of bad behavior really does occasionally happen. Doesn't mean it has much to do with you, if that's not really you.

But this? "I also dont see the logic in convincing our child to work even harder - just to help a coach and players who take them for granted win more games. " That's not going to win you any friends if you share that with teammates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If this is really how the actual parents on your current club think, they most likely have bad attitudes.

If you are really moving for the reasons you state (a club where the coach will give your child new chances) and you do it respectfully, it should all be fine.

The stereotypes exist because this kind of bad behavior really does occasionally happen. Doesn't mean it has much to do with you, if that's not really you.

But this? "I also dont see the logic in convincing our child to work even harder - just to help a coach and players who take them for granted win more games. " That's not going to win you any friends if you share that with teammates.

Thank you for the insight.

We definitely would not be sharing those thoughts ( "I also dont see the logic in convincing our child to work even harder - just to help a coach and players who take them for granted win more games.") with our child or with new tammates. It is just a thought that I have about the current situation and why I dont see any positive reasons to just stick it out at the current club.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have noticed throughout my kids sports, a common topic that parents ridicule is when a family decides to move their child to a different club. It is apparently seen as "letter chasing" or "leaving because they werent getting playing time rather than working on improving".

We are looking to move to play with a new coach who sees alot of potential in our child. This is at a neighboring soccer club at the same level. I dont see why we would stay with a club/coach who thinks our child is no good at the sport, and benches them for long stretches of the game (this is our 4th season with the club). How is that fun for our child?

And to say that our child just isnt good enough - we have all seen teams that are full of coach's friends and their kids who undeservingly get all the playing time and best positions.

It also seems odd that just because a parent chose 'Club A' when their child was 8 years old - they are now expected to remain there for the next decade? I also dont see the logic in convincing our child to work even harder - just to help a coach and players who take them for granted win more games.

Am I missing something before we make the switch?

In the club volleyball world, the hate tends to come when the top players on a team leave to go to a more competitive club. I've always felt like any animosity toward the player/family that leaves for a stronger team is exactly what you suggested - the team left behind is weaker and the parents don't like the fact that their child is now on a team that wins less. The idea that this is some kind of betrayal or lack of loyalty has always seemed ridiculous to me, especially at clubs where returning players sometimes fail to make a team from one season to the next. Do what's best for your kid and don't worry too much about all the noise.

[Anonymous]

I haven’t found this to be true as long as the switch is made after the season/between seasons, and is done with grace (rather than trash talking etc). It also helps to blame something like location, scheduling etc (oh the other team practices closer to home or school, my work schedule is changing, or she has a close friend on the new team we can carpool with etc). Even if everyone sort of knows it isn’t true, it saves face all around…

In the case of a bench player/kid that doesn’t play much- coaches and other parents may not be thrilled because it upsets the team dynamic/current status quo and can bring more uncertainty.

[Anonymous]

At least in my circle, there seems to be an understanding of kids that are good enough for college recruitment and those that are not.

Everyone understands that the local club team is not the team to get you recruited...especially if you are legitimately D1. Heck, even the coach understands and has relationships with 2-3 regional/national teams to help place a kid.

Starting in HS, the better kids start to move elsewhere, and new kids may backfill on the local club team.

There doesn't seem to be any animosity because people don't seem to care all that much how well their club team performs. It is not the same as high school teams.

[Anonymous]

You are right about perception. We tried out for a different team this year for no other reason than to simplify our lives with a shorter commute. I overheard parents on both teams chattering about how we must not have an offer at the current club (in fact, we had an offer 30 minutes after the first tryout session) or we must be disgruntled over playing time. Why not just give people the benefit of the doubt? It would lead to so much more peace in everyone's lives. We returned to the old team, slightly poisoned by the experience. People are so cutthroat over kids' sports!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have noticed throughout my kids sports, a common topic that parents ridicule is when a family decides to move their child to a different club. It is apparently seen as "letter chasing" or "leaving because they werent getting playing time rather than working on improving".

We are looking to move to play with a new coach who sees alot of potential in our child. This is at a neighboring soccer club at the same level. I dont see why we would stay with a club/coach who thinks our child is no good at the sport, and benches them for long stretches of the game (this is our 4th season with the club). How is that fun for our child?

And to say that our child just isnt good enough - we have all seen teams that are full of coach's friends and their kids who undeservingly get all the playing time and best positions.

It also seems odd that just because a parent chose 'Club A' when their child was 8 years old - they are now expected to remain there for the next decade? I also dont see the logic in convincing our child to work even harder - just to help a coach and players who take them for granted win more games.

Am I missing something before we make the switch?

In the club volleyball world, the hate tends to come when the top players on a team leave to go to a more competitive club. I've always felt like any animosity toward the player/family that leaves for a stronger team is exactly what you suggested - the team left behind is weaker and the parents don't like the fact that their child is now on a team that wins less. The idea that this is some kind of betrayal or lack of loyalty has always seemed ridiculous to me, especially at clubs where returning players sometimes fail to make a team from one season to the next. Do what's best for your kid and don't worry too much about all the noise.

I am not buying this. We are in the second season of club volleyball and we've seen players leaving for better teams. Without giving away too many details, one of our players ended up on one of the top teams in the region. We do understand why she made the move and we are happy for her playing at a level where she deserves to play. The girls are still friends and chat every once in a while. We only met the other parents at one tournament (they are in a different tournament circuit now), but we were supportive of the move they decided to make. We would have done the same thing if we had options (but my DD could not make a team in any better club). We do win less than last year, but it is the fault of the new team, not the fault of the players who left.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have noticed throughout my kids sports, a common topic that parents ridicule is when a family decides to move their child to a different club. It is apparently seen as "letter chasing" or "leaving because they werent getting playing time rather than working on improving".

We are looking to move to play with a new coach who sees alot of potential in our child. This is at a neighboring soccer club at the same level. I dont see why we would stay with a club/coach who thinks our child is no good at the sport, and benches them for long stretches of the game (this is our 4th season with the club). How is that fun for our child?

And to say that our child just isnt good enough - we have all seen teams that are full of coach's friends and their kids who undeservingly get all the playing time and best positions.

It also seems odd that just because a parent chose 'Club A' when their child was 8 years old - they are now expected to remain there for the next decade? I also dont see the logic in convincing our child to work even harder - just to help a coach and players who take them for granted win more games.

Am I missing something before we make the switch?

In the club volleyball world, the hate tends to come when the top players on a team leave to go to a more competitive club. I've always felt like any animosity toward the player/family that leaves for a stronger team is exactly what you suggested - the team left behind is weaker and the parents don't like the fact that their child is now on a team that wins less. The idea that this is some kind of betrayal or lack of loyalty has always seemed ridiculous to me, especially at clubs where returning players sometimes fail to make a team from one season to the next. Do what's best for your kid and don't worry too much about all the noise.

I am not buying this. We are in the second season of club volleyball and we've seen players leaving for better teams. Without giving away too many details, one of our players ended up on one of the top teams in the region. We do understand why she made the move and we are happy for her playing at a level where she deserves to play. The girls are still friends and chat every once in a while. We only met the other parents at one tournament (they are in a different tournament circuit now), but we were supportive of the move they decided to make. We would have done the same thing if we had options (but my DD could not make a team in any better club). We do win less than last year, but it is the fault of the new team, not the fault of the players who left.

I wrote the post you quoted. I didn’t mean to suggest that every kid who switches to another club gets treated poorly by their old club or teammates, but have absolutely seen it happen. I’ve also heard crazy stories about kids considering switching clubs and club directors confronting them pretty aggressively about it making borderline threats that they would undermine their college recruiting opportunities and things like that. But you are correct - in many (maybe most?) cases both players and parents can remain friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have noticed throughout my kids sports, a common topic that parents ridicule is when a family decides to move their child to a different club. It is apparently seen as "letter chasing" or "leaving because they werent getting playing time rather than working on improving".

We are looking to move to play with a new coach who sees alot of potential in our child. This is at a neighboring soccer club at the same level. I dont see why we would stay with a club/coach who thinks our child is no good at the sport, and benches them for long stretches of the game (this is our 4th season with the club). How is that fun for our child?

And to say that our child just isnt good enough - we have all seen teams that are full of coach's friends and their kids who undeservingly get all the playing time and best positions.

It also seems odd that just because a parent chose 'Club A' when their child was 8 years old - they are now expected to remain there for the next decade? I also dont see the logic in convincing our child to work even harder - just to help a coach and players who take them for granted win more games.

Am I missing something before we make the switch?

Always do what’s best for your child and ignore the noise. All the other parents would do the same despite what they say about you. There is no such thing as loyalty in youth sports or any sport. This is a game and you should ensure your child is best served especially given the great financial and time investment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have noticed throughout my kids sports, a common topic that parents ridicule is when a family decides to move their child to a different club. It is apparently seen as "letter chasing" or "leaving because they werent getting playing time rather than working on improving".

We are looking to move to play with a new coach who sees alot of potential in our child. This is at a neighboring soccer club at the same level. I dont see why we would stay with a club/coach who thinks our child is no good at the sport, and benches them for long stretches of the game (this is our 4th season with the club). How is that fun for our child?

And to say that our child just isnt good enough - we have all seen teams that are full of coach's friends and their kids who undeservingly get all the playing time and best positions.

It also seems odd that just because a parent chose 'Club A' when their child was 8 years old - they are now expected to remain there for the next decade? I also dont see the logic in convincing our child to work even harder - just to help a coach and players who take them for granted win more games.

Am I missing something before we make the switch?

In the club volleyball world, the hate tends to come when the top players on a team leave to go to a more competitive club. I've always felt like any animosity toward the player/family that leaves for a stronger team is exactly what you suggested - the team left behind is weaker and the parents don't like the fact that their child is now on a team that wins less. The idea that this is some kind of betrayal or lack of loyalty has always seemed ridiculous to me, especially at clubs where returning players sometimes fail to make a team from one season to the next. Do what's best for your kid and don't worry too much about all the noise.

I am not buying this. We are in the second season of club volleyball and we've seen players leaving for better teams. Without giving away too many details, one of our players ended up on one of the top teams in the region. We do understand why she made the move and we are happy for her playing at a level where she deserves to play. The girls are still friends and chat every once in a while. We only met the other parents at one tournament (they are in a different tournament circuit now), but we were supportive of the move they decided to make. We would have done the same thing if we had options (but my DD could not make a team in any better club). We do win less than last year, but it is the fault of the new team, not the fault of the players who left.

You are a good person to support and wish the best for your former teammate. Also your self awareness of your own child’s abilities without any jealous feelings is admirable.

[Anonymous]

I think very often people are understanding. I think the problem is when parents aren't honest that they are looking for a new team - often because they are afraid they won't make the new team. But then the player leaves and that leaves a spot - maybe unfilled. or a parent coach moves on at the last minute. I coached a team where 2 of the girls just stopped playing a couple of weeks into the season. it was really unfair to the other kids.

[Anonymous]

The point is to play. I’m not shelling out all this time and money to not play. I’d literally rather play rec than ride a travel bench. Very few are aiming for college - don’t need to be on “the best” team. Anyone who doesn’t get this has more money than common sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The point is to play. I’m not shelling out all this time and money to not play. I’d literally rather play rec than ride a travel bench. Very few are aiming for college - don’t need to be on “the best” team. Anyone who doesn’t get this has more money than common sense.

Exactly. I don’t know why any parents would be upset if a kid who doesn’t get much playing time decides to try for a different team. Yet, they often are.

OP - I think switching teams multiple times can be problematic and is where team switching gets a bad rep. But, if you’ve played with the same team for 4 years, are not getting much playing time and are seeking a better opportunity, it’s fine. Just don’t bad mouth the program on your way out.

[Anonymous]

Another volleyball parent here. Ignore anyone who gives you an attitude over this. It is common in volleyball to know that there is no loyalty year to year either way. Players leave or can be cut. People are always looking for other options because of playing time, coaching, cost, commute or many other reasons. More are looking than are talking about it.