Why the hate on parents to switch clubs for their child's sport?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t found this to be true as long as the switch is made after the season/between seasons, and is done with grace (rather than trash talking etc). It also helps to blame something like location, scheduling etc (oh the other team practices closer to home or school, my work schedule is changing, or she has a close friend on the new team we can carpool with etc). Even if everyone sort of knows it isn’t true, it saves face all around…

In the case of a bench player/kid that doesn’t play much- coaches and other parents may not be thrilled because it upsets the team dynamic/current status quo and can bring more uncertainty.

Great suggestion! The new club is actually closer to where we live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are right about perception. We tried out for a different team this year for no other reason than to simplify our lives with a shorter commute. I overheard parents on both teams chattering about how we must not have an offer at the current club (in fact, we had an offer 30 minutes after the first tryout session) or we must be disgruntled over playing time. Why not just give people the benefit of the doubt? It would lead to so much more peace in everyone's lives. We returned to the old team, slightly poisoned by the experience. People are so cutthroat over kids' sports!

What was your reason for returning to the orginial club rather than switching? Was it just to avoid having parents talking behind your back?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think very often people are understanding. I think the problem is when parents aren't honest that they are looking for a new team - often because they are afraid they won't make the new team. But then the player leaves and that leaves a spot - maybe unfilled. or a parent coach moves on at the last minute. I coached a team where 2 of the girls just stopped playing a couple of weeks into the season. it was really unfair to the other kids.

I've seen the opposite at DC's club. The coach brings on new players throughout the season which often results in less playing time for existing players.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have noticed throughout my kids sports, a common topic that parents ridicule is when a family decides to move their child to a different club. It is apparently seen as "letter chasing" or "leaving because they werent getting playing time rather than working on improving".

We are looking to move to play with a new coach who sees alot of potential in our child. This is at a neighboring soccer club at the same level. I dont see why we would stay with a club/coach who thinks our child is no good at the sport, and benches them for long stretches of the game (this is our 4th season with the club). How is that fun for our child?

And to say that our child just isnt good enough - we have all seen teams that are full of coach's friends and their kids who undeservingly get all the playing time and best positions.

It also seems odd that just because a parent chose 'Club A' when their child was 8 years old - they are now expected to remain there for the next decade? I also dont see the logic in convincing our child to work even harder - just to help a coach and players who take them for granted win more games.

Am I missing something before we make the switch?

In the club volleyball world, the hate tends to come when the top players on a team leave to go to a more competitive club. I've always felt like any animosity toward the player/family that leaves for a stronger team is exactly what you suggested - the team left behind is weaker and the parents don't like the fact that their child is now on a team that wins less. The idea that this is some kind of betrayal or lack of loyalty has always seemed ridiculous to me, especially at clubs where returning players sometimes fail to make a team from one season to the next. Do what's best for your kid and don't worry too much about all the noise.

I am not buying this. We are in the second season of club volleyball and we've seen players leaving for better teams. Without giving away too many details, one of our players ended up on one of the top teams in the region. We do understand why she made the move and we are happy for her playing at a level where she deserves to play. The girls are still friends and chat every once in a while. We only met the other parents at one tournament (they are in a different tournament circuit now), but we were supportive of the move they decided to make. We would have done the same thing if we had options (but my DD could not make a team in any better club). We do win less than last year, but it is the fault of the new team, not the fault of the players who left.

You are a good person to support and wish the best for your former teammate. Also your self awareness of your own child’s abilities without any jealous feelings is admirable.

Thank you for these words. Every kid has their own talent. The player I wrote about is very tall and extremely athletic: you must be a fool not to realize her potential. It is not difficult to accept that my DD doesn't have the genetics to reach that level no matter how much work she would be willing to put into volleyball. On the other hand my DD excels in school and that's more important to me. Volleyball is just some social outlet for her: she plays for fun (she is not willing to put too much work into volleyball by the way).

[Anonymous]

I think it has a little to do with parent jealousy or insecurity. We have left teams and clubs a few times and have received odd reactions from parents. The parents with multiple older kids seems to get it and care less. The newer parents whose oldest child/ only child seems to take it awkwardly. They are jealous you might be off to s better environment and perhaps insecure that their new parenting friend is leaving the social circle.

We are all investing time and money on a level that does not seem to pass the common sense test, yet we continue to do so in part that it is socially acceptable. But, when someone leaves the validating parent group, parents might look deeper into their own doubts about the resources spent participating in travel sports.

These emotions will illicit strange reactions from parents who say they are leaving the team. -We have seen it 3x over so far.

[Anonymous]

This week we are telling our “elite” club that our kid is going to a lesser club. I’m feeling all sorts of emotions, especially because it’s primarily due to a schedule change by the elite club that works for most of the kids but not ours, and we’re also happy to leave some questionable coaching and politics behind. My DC is not a top player but always in the top half, so some people will be happy to take their place and others won’t care that DC is gone.

I think some people were relying on us to keep going along with things to validate their team choice when things were hard. Others will look down on us for not making the necessary sacrifices to make it work, and there are some who will probably take our departure as permission to leave themselves.

It’s nice to read about similar experiences to know we’re not crazy. I’m dreading notifying the coaches and the other parents, partly because I think I’ll find out the truth about how people feel about us. I suspect a lot of families were just circumstantial friends and I think the coaches didn’t love my DC and will be happy to see them go, but I’d rather not know for sure.