Telling My Kids About Their IVF Story??

[Anonymous]

When should I tell my kids that they are IVF babies? Should I also tell them that we did IQ screening on the embryos or should I wait until they are adults to mention this detail? At what age did you tell your kids that they were IVF babies and how did you explain it?

[Anonymous]

I suggest you not tell your children about details like IQ screening and whatnot. It doesn't sound very loving and may open Pandora's Box.

The best reason to tell your kids about IVF is to share fertility related information that could be relevant to their fertility. That alone is a good reason to disclose.

I personally feel that kids born to two biological parents have no emotional need for the backstory of their conception.

[Anonymous]

Op get a life and stop trolling. Do share the “scientific method” available to assess the IQ of a fetus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When should I tell my kids that they are IVF babies? Should I also tell them that we did IQ screening on the embryos or should I wait until they are adults to mention this detail? At what age did you tell your kids that they were IVF babies and how did you explain it?

Never
Why would you ever tell your children this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op get a life and stop trolling. Do share the “scientific method” available to assess the IQ of a fetus.

+1. Troll score D.

[Anonymous]

When my kids were babies a friend recommended that you tell them on their first birthday. Of course one year olds don’t understand that, but the idea is that it isn’t something that is ever hidden. Just part of how you discuss their birth and biology with them. Then as they get older and ask questions about where babies come from it’s not pulling out some big secret to say “we wanted you so much so we went to a doctor to help us have you.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op get a life and stop trolling. Do share the “scientific method” available to assess the IQ of a fetus.

There are companies that run polygenic scores for IQ on embryo DNA data. A few people have already done this and I’m one of these people. This practice is not common yet, but will likely become more common over time. This is a serious question and I’m asking for answers on what age it’s appropriate to tell the kids about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When should I tell my kids that they are IVF babies? Should I also tell them that we did IQ screening on the embryos or should I wait until they are adults to mention this detail? At what age did you tell your kids that they were IVF babies and how did you explain it?

Never
Why would you ever tell your children this?

I’m leaning towards telling them, but maybe in high school or college. Part of me thinks it would be better to tell them much earlier to normalize the idea though. Just tell them we did testing to ensure they ate healthy and elaborate that it also included IQ later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When my kids were babies a friend recommended that you tell them on their first birthday. Of course one year olds don’t understand that, but the idea is that it isn’t something that is ever hidden. Just part of how you discuss their birth and biology with them. Then as they get older and ask questions about where babies come from it’s not pulling out some big secret to say “we wanted you so much so we went to a doctor to help us have you.”

Thank you. This is a helpful perspective.

[Anonymous]

Had a friend who talked about it constantly from the time her kids were born. It was a huge part of who she was as a mother. I just saw it as a means to and end so not a big deal for me. I only told my DC when DC took an ethics class in HS that involved a discussion of the ethics of IVF and other similar topics. DC did not seem to care (likely because so many in DC's friend group already knew they were IVF babies).

[Anonymous]

I'm sure Gattaca has a library.

[Anonymous]

We soul pass the IVF office in Arlington all the time and tell my kids that’s where Jonny was made. So probably a while ago?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Had a friend who talked about it constantly from the time her kids were born. It was a huge part of who she was as a mother. I just saw it as a means to and end so not a big deal for me. I only told my DC when DC took an ethics class in HS that involved a discussion of the ethics of IVF and other similar topics. DC did not seem to care (likely because so many in DC's friend group already knew they were IVF babies).

Hmm that suggests that I should tell them earlier and they probably won’t care. I’m surprised anyone things IVF is unethical at this point though, that’s so backwards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Had a friend who talked about it constantly from the time her kids were born. It was a huge part of who she was as a mother. I just saw it as a means to and end so not a big deal for me. I only told my DC when DC took an ethics class in HS that involved a discussion of the ethics of IVF and other similar topics. DC did not seem to care (likely because so many in DC's friend group already knew they were IVF babies).

Hmm that suggests that I should tell them earlier and they probably won’t care. I’m surprised anyone things IVF is unethical at this point though, that’s so backwards.

Most people don't think IVF is unethical. People think selecting for IQ, sex, and other traits is unethical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Had a friend who talked about it constantly from the time her kids were born. It was a huge part of who she was as a mother. I just saw it as a means to and end so not a big deal for me. I only told my DC when DC took an ethics class in HS that involved a discussion of the ethics of IVF and other similar topics. DC did not seem to care (likely because so many in DC's friend group already knew they were IVF babies).

We did this and it was hilarious -- we had always told them they were IVF kids and somehow as early teens they suddenly realized what it actually meant, even though we'd been telling them all along. Kind of a crazy day, but we got through it and now laugh about it.