Say anything to neighbor?

[Anonymous]

We are quite close in a neighborly way with the retirement-aged couple who live next door. They are in their 70s but I don’t like to say “elderly” because they golf and travel and are lively. They are very early risers, too, so when a logistical emergency arose, I asked them for a favor and they seemed receptive and happy to help. I had to leave really early this morning, right at dawn. DD, who walks herself to the bus anyway and has a phone she can use and where I can track her, was going to wake when I left and then lock up and head to the bus just before 8, so like 2 hours from the time I left. She was a little apprehensive of being home in the dark, so that’s where the neighbors came in. I asked if DD12 could wander over there if she got scared, that she wouldn’t bother them, would sit in their front family room and read before she left for school. Well, not even 20 minutes after I left, she wandered over there. She told me that the woman was kind and polite and sat her in the family room area and went about her morning, but that the husband kept coming in to essentially tease her for being scared of the dark and being home alone. She’s upset. I don’t do anything, right? I thought about explaining that people that she can be weird, but thought that might be dismissive. All I know is I won’t ask them again for a favor like that.

[Anonymous]

They did you a favor. The man was trying to be funny in that old man way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are quite close in a neighborly way with the retirement-aged couple who live next door. They are in their 70s but I don’t like to say “elderly” because they golf and travel and are lively. They are very early risers, too, so when a logistical emergency arose, I asked them for a favor and they seemed receptive and happy to help. I had to leave really early this morning, right at dawn. DD, who walks herself to the bus anyway and has a phone she can use and where I can track her, was going to wake when I left and then lock up and head to the bus just before 8, so like 2 hours from the time I left. She was a little apprehensive of being home in the dark, so that’s where the neighbors came in. I asked if DD12 could wander over there if she got scared, that she wouldn’t bother them, would sit in their front family room and read before she left for school. Well, not even 20 minutes after I left, she wandered over there. She told me that the woman was kind and polite and sat her in the family room area and went about her morning, but that the husband kept coming in to essentially tease her for being scared of the dark and being home alone. She’s upset. I don’t do anything, right? I thought about explaining that people that she can be weird, but thought that might be dismissive. All I know is I won’t ask them again for a favor like that.

What you do is thank them profusely for letting your kid hang out there at the crack of dawn.

[Anonymous]

Some old people are just so far removed from parenting that they simply don’t seem to know or care about what’s appropriate versus not. I find this specifically true with 70 and up men. some of the older women make snarky comments sometimes too but yeah. I would just tell your daughter she has no reason to be embarrassed and that’s that. don’t bring it up with the neighbors just don’t ask them again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They did you a favor. The man was trying to be funny in that old man way.

Yeah, grandpa humor is the worst.

My dad still flicks our ears and says "oh, a bug got ya!" and cackles b/c he thinks it's hilarious.

Or says things like "how much does it cost to buy pants without holes in them?" or to my DD "what medical condition causes you to wear a hoodie year round?" And the timeless favorite at Christmastime or when a birthday rolls around and I send over some ideas of what the kid wants: I could build/make that cheaper. "Give me a Sharpie and I'll make him 30 pairs of Jordans!"

[Anonymous]

Your daughter is old enough to babysit. She should have turned on a light and some music and gone about her morning. She shouldn't have needed them at all. It's okay for her to have been gently teased.

[Anonymous]

What's the big deal? Say thank you. Move on.

[Anonymous]

She’s upset because he made a dumb grandpa joke? What on earth would you even say? Your little joke hurt my kids feelings? Get real.

[Anonymous]

She must be an only child……

[Anonymous]

If you left at dawn then she wouldn’t have been home in the dark. Something doesn’t add up here.

[Anonymous]

She’s 12. She should be able to handle light teasing.

You thank the neighbors (who welcomed her in without complaint!) and work with your DD on staying home alone. Your DD should also thank them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter is old enough to babysit. She should have turned on a light and some music and gone about her morning. She shouldn't have needed them at all. It's okay for her to have been gently teased.

Have to be 13 in MD but I see your point. My 9 year old has been home for short bursts many times and seems to love the independence.

[Anonymous]

Hopefully Grandpa wears a scary mask and goes over your place at night when she is alone and scares the poop out of her.

[Anonymous]

Yes, you should say thank you, and bring them flowers.

It is ridiculous that your daughter gave you a full report of how each person spoke and her evaluation of the whole thing. Time to push her to be more independent.

[Anonymous]

As others have said, the only thing you say is thank you. If that arrangement doesn’t work, don’t send her over there anymore.