Different backgrounds
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Anonymous
| If yours and your kid's in-laws are from opposite social backgrounds (one side is highly educated and successful professionals and other is less educated and blue collar), were their any disappointments or issues? |
Anonymous
| Yes, the blue collar couple was disappointed in how snobby the rich couple was. |
Anonymous
| Yes, the couple was surprised that the blue collar family was more generous and supportive than the "successful professionals." |
Anonymous
| From what I've observed is that issues of debt, drinking, divorce, drugs, law etc on either side causes issues for the couple, no necessarily for in-laws, at least not directly. |
Anonymous
| Yes, the issue is that one side worked hard and sacrificed to help their kid graduate college debt-free and start well in life, whereas the other side expects their kid to fund their retirement. This should have been aired before marriage, but it wasn't. The blue-collar parents, who are assumed to be supported by the young couple, are a weight on the young marriage, and the white collar parents are understandably annoyed that many of the sacrifices they made are effectively undone by the family their child married into. |
Anonymous
| If the families are both good people, it works fine. My brother’s in laws could not be more different than our family. They get along great, though both sides were nervous initially. At the base, the families have similar values - close families, not much divorce, people go out of their way to support each other. A similar mindset is more important than dollars or degrees. It got easier to hang out after grandkids were in the picture. They didn’t have much in common for small talk before then. |
Anonymous
| Imho most people would be okay as long as problems of ILs don't seep into the life of the couple. I guess main issue is that even if partner earns and manages well, paying own debt and helping family drains their ability to contribute towards household. Obviously its worse if birth family's issues also keep them logistically and/or emotionally drained. They can't be equal partners as they aren't fully available. |
Anonymous
| Economics differences is not a reason not to get along, snobbery is. My children will graduate college debt free and will get a substantial down payment on their first home. The only requirement we have when it comes to the partner they choose is kindness and empathy and hopefully good health practices |
Anonymous
| Economic difference isn't the issue, having to be pulled in its consequences can be. Financial health can burden mental and physical health. |
Anonymous
|
I know a couple who are as opposite as can be as far as backgrounds.
She is third generation trust fund baby who grew up in pricey DC suburb. First generation were hard-working immigrants who built the business. Second generation (her mother) had everything provided including university education, cars, homes, etc. As did the third generation young woman, who got a degree and is working in a professional career. She met a good-looking guy whose parents were addicts and life-long criminals. He never graduated high school and was working in retail when they met. He brags that he never reads books, doesn't pay attention to news and enjoys all things related to big trucks, guns and fishing. She moved him into her fully-paid for (by trust fund) suburban DC home a mere three weeks after meeting him. They married within a year. Her income is the primary income. I can only assume she married him for an intimate quality that is not known to anyone else. They have had a child each year they've been married and couldn't be happier from what they tell everyone. |
Anonymous
She needs a therapist now and a better book an appointment with a shark divorce lawyer for 2028. |
Anonymous
| Wealthy people have more cushion so they can take more risks, upper middle class quickly gets pulled back to middle or lower middle if they take any risks. Any extra weight can drown them. |
Anonymous
You may not realize it, but you just implied the blue collar parents didn’t work hard. |
Anonymous
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Not PP but imho white collar or blue collar is just a social prestige issue not a real one, either can be hard working, decent and supportive people.
Real issue is when debt, drinking, divorce, drugs, disease, violence, law etc are involved and family boundaries are enmeshed. Everyone gets pulled in. |
Anonymous
I am PP who described the couple where the man came from addicted/criminal parentage. FWIW, you are right that everyone gets pulled in. However, in this couple's case, the wife (UMC) was completely willing to "forgive and forget" her ILs' criminality and would provide money for bail and legal help for them. She also has no problems letting ILs be in their house when they are gone and permits them to watch their toddler children while they go out. Despite knowing ILs are still doing drugs. So in her case she doesn't mind getting pulled in and in fact, wants to be the hero and help as much as she can. As mentioned, her DH must have an intimate quality that has her "d!ckmatized." Some would say. |