Is there a psychology behind this type of flirting?

[Anonymous]

I’ve made an observation at the gym and I’d love your thoughts.

I work out at my local gym at the same time every morning before work. There are always the same people there. There are the attractive younger women who dress ways that illicit male attention, and don’t say that in an accusatory way; a woman should be allowed to dress however she wants, but the clothing choices accentuate physical features that men find attractive. The younger men often flirt with these women and the women are very receptive.

On the other hand, I notice one or two traditionally attractive middle aged women who dress modestly, but who are just so classically pretty, I don’t know how else to describe it. But they do dress more modestly and are clearly there to exercise and leave. I’ve noticed that OLDER men approach and flirt with these women frequently, though they ignore the physically attractive younger women, and vice versa (the younger men ignore these beautiful middle aged women.)

Why are the older men confident enough to approach these more beautiful “older” women and not the more overtly “sexy” women (I’m trying my best not to inadvertently offend!), and vice versa? Is there a science or psychology behind this because I would love to know more, it’s so intriguing to watch.

[Anonymous]

OP again. By “older men” I mean like 70+.

[Anonymous]

Camaraderie. Hoping to get to know more people. Closer in age, more in common. Not everything is about sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Camaraderie. Hoping to get to know more people. Closer in age, more in common. Not everything is about sex.

But they aren’t closer in age. The 20-something flirting with the 20-something is closer in age than the 70yo flirting with the woman in her 40s, assuming you’re talking about the older men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Camaraderie. Hoping to get to know more people. Closer in age, more in common. Not everything is about sex.

Also, the younger guys are clearly flirting heavily. I don’t act that way around any male I know.

[Anonymous]

A middle aged woman is still 20 years younger than a 70+ year old man.

I think a lot of men prefer younger women but not so young they could be their granddaughters (a la Bill Belichek). That's why you see a lot of second marriages with age gaps of 5-20 years.

[Anonymous]

I was going to say confidence, like the grandfather in White Lotus, only he would flirt with a much younger woman, so I have no clue at all.

[Anonymous]

Some men are not attracted to women of their kids age.

[Anonymous]

A 20 something flirting with a 20 something is perfectly natural. Including the 20 year old female dressing to gain male attraction. That's standard.

A middle aged woman attracting a 60-70 year old is a gap, but more of an acceptable gap. She's "safe" to flirt with. Most times it means absolutely nothing, as in neither is looking for a relationship, and likely has a long term partner at home.

However it's still not socially acceptable for a 70 year old to flirt or gawk at a 20 year old. She's too young, and he's too old. He's likely still looking, but not bold enough to gawk or approach.

[Anonymous]

I think older guys realize that if the woman is too young, she’s more likely to turn down his advances. So they go for those who “gives it a shot” in their mind

[Anonymous]

Not every interaction is making an advance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A 20 something flirting with a 20 something is perfectly natural. Including the 20 year old female dressing to gain male attraction. That's standard.

A middle aged woman attracting a 60-70 year old is a gap, but more of an acceptable gap. She's "safe" to flirt with. Most times it means absolutely nothing, as in neither is looking for a relationship, and likely has a long term partner at home.

However it's still not socially acceptable for a 70 year old to flirt or gawk at a 20 year old. She's too young, and he's too old. He's likely still looking, but not bold enough to gawk or approach.

This is a nice to write my sentiment. You described perfectly normal age-appropriate flirting. Your question though is why isn’t a man acting like a skeeve flirting with a half dressed woman his granddaughter’s age. Should be self explanatory, no?

[Anonymous]

Agree with PP. Seems age appropriate.

[Anonymous]

Reminds me of a sitcom. Young woman says to her friend, "ew there was this old guy talking to me at the gym." "Ew! what did he say? Did he do something?" "He said hi"

Older men eventually learn that even if you see the same people every day and greeting them would seem like a natural thing (not flirting) young women make it into a big deal, unwanted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A 20 something flirting with a 20 something is perfectly natural. Including the 20 year old female dressing to gain male attraction. That's standard.

A middle aged woman attracting a 60-70 year old is a gap, but more of an acceptable gap. She's "safe" to flirt with. Most times it means absolutely nothing, as in neither is looking for a relationship, and likely has a long term partner at home.

However it's still not socially acceptable for a 70 year old to flirt or gawk at a 20 year old. She's too young, and he's too old. He's likely still looking, but not bold enough to gawk or approach.

This is a nice to write my sentiment. You described perfectly normal age-appropriate flirting. Your question though is why isn’t a man acting like a skeeve flirting with a half dressed woman his granddaughter’s age. Should be self explanatory, no?

I'd just add that if you're seeing the same men flirting with the same women, it might just also be that at this point they know each other. So it's not some rando shooting his shot in a bar or on the app - it's people who enjoy a little conversation at the gym, where they have a habit of a bit of flirting.