Is it parent or child’s responsibility to reach out?

[Anonymous]

For context, kids are 21 and 23

[Anonymous]

When I was that age, I was still in a self-centered young adult phase and very busy with grad school and boyfriend/fiance. My parents called me. When I had kids and a home and we settled into a routine, we developed a standing Facetime every Sunday at 11am.

My son is nearly that age now, and I call him too. I think we will slowly progress to the standing call too, but when he's more settled, maybe in 10 or 20 years.

[Anonymous]

So given they are that age, is it the parent’s responsibility to reach out?

[Anonymous]

Parents though mine never did so I called them.

[Anonymous]

At that age, the parents. People in their early 20s are clueless, newly adult so that’s exciting, and focused on themselves and their own lives.

[Anonymous]

Both. I reach out to my 22yr old about once a week, she reaches out when she has a problem.

[Anonymous]

Parents. DH is always waiting on his parents to reach out and they never do. When they do, they want facetime which is straight misery for dh, kids and me. Kids can't stand facetime and melt down, which is hard from a parenting perspective because they're great kids. They like talking on the phone, just hate facetime. Mine text and call often and we are very close.

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure it's really anyone's "responsibility," but if ACs are wrapped up in their new lives, they probably think of checking in less frequently than parents, so parents are often the ones to reach out more often. TBH, they often forget unless they need or want something from you at that age.

I just text occasionally, usually something light. If I have important news or a genuine need to talk then I let them know and ask them when they can talk.

[Anonymous]

Ugh, so needy. The phone works both freaking ways. YOU CAN CALL, TOO.

[Anonymous]

Both

[Anonymous]

IMO the parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:IMO the parents.

I agree.

[Anonymous]

It's nobody's "responsibility". It's a new thing when everybody has to be accessible all the time. Just 2 generations ago people moved out and rarely kept in touch with parents, only on major holidays or when something important was happening. Nobody was "reaching out" all the time, everybody was busy with their own lives, which is normal. My grandma lived with us (was born 1905) an none of her 8 kids (uncles, aunts) reached out, not always even on birthdays, people came together for births, weddings, funerals, and milestone birthdays (which there were plenty). Nowadays, my mom's (boomer) demands to "reach out" ended up in a conflict as every interaction started to feel like an interrogation. She was involved in our lives at all and suddenly figured out that my kids are teens and have no relationship with her. You cannot demand a bond if you haven't developed one.

[Anonymous]

* she was NOT involved in our lives *

[Anonymous]

Both! The phone works both ways