Is it wrong to feel badly when your twenty something breaks up with a long term partner?

[Anonymous]

Understand we were all in our 20s and people break up for a zillion reasons, but they have dated for six years, live together, and she is a wreck over it. Add to that her looking for work and it is getting me down in the dumps. She is spending a lot of time with her girlfriends so not moping, but I feel terrible. Partner was a nice kid, responsible, good career. When they started talking about marriage, it was the beginning of the end. Realized they are not aligned on several important issues.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like they made a smart and mature decision. It’s ok to feel sad for her, but you should be proud of her for doing the right thing—and difficult—thing. It’s painful now, but life will go on and she may find someone who is a better match for her down the road.

[Anonymous]

It's weird that you, the parent, are sad. I think you're too emotionally invested. She is doing what's right for her. You should be happy.

[Anonymous]

I think if your kid is having a difficult time, it’s natural to feel bad for them as they work through it. I also think it’s natural to feel sad at the end of a long-term relationship when you liked the person and thought they were a good match. You can recognize that breaking up may be the right thing for them to do, that things will likely turn out ok, and still feel sad about it.

[Anonymous]

While 6 years of dating is a long time, it is also a time period where the two of them have had big life growth changes happening (teens to college to working). I am sure he was part of your family, so I can understand your reaction. Your DD seems to be taking this in stride and coping well. Follow her lead and encourage her to focus on herself.

[Anonymous]

Be glad it happened in their 20s and not 30s. Your DD gets more time to find the right partner sooner. I would advise her to start dating for marriage asap (aka if she sees quality that definitely won’t work in a marriage, eg for me that would’ve included no interest in kids , move on immediately), the pool only gets smaller.

[Anonymous]

It’s “ bad”

[Anonymous]

Breakups are overrated unless there are red flags. I've seen great young couples breakup thinking there is something perfect out there, only to realize what they had was special. Some find their way back to each other and others don't. Your grief is normal as a parent for demise of what could've been a good life long relationship.

[Anonymous]

Dating is so messy as you age and start collecting corpses of previous relationships.

[Anonymous]

In a society which basically roots against young relationships, its only a miracle if any young couple doesn't absorb outside influences.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s normal to feel sad if you liked the person, has staring imagining they might be part of your kid’s and families future.

[Anonymous]

It's okay to have feelings but it's really important not to.make it about yourself. My MIL cried a lot when my SIL got divorced (she initiated the breakup, he was awful) and I know it put a serious strain on their relationship.

[Anonymous]

Do not breathe a word of your disappointment to her. My parents brought up a certain ex-boyfriend over the years. It was always hurtful. Your daughter learned an important lesson. All of these dealbreaker conversations need to happen during the first year. She’s got plenty of time to meet someone else, and she’ll be smarter next time.

[Anonymous]

She still has time to have a family but needs to act quickly so she isn't in her 30s when trying to conceive

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s got plenty of time to meet someone else, and she’ll be smarter next time.

That's possible but on other side, OP 's sadness is understandable as she may never find such solid relationship again. If everyone was coming out smarter for next time, second and third marriages would've a higher rate of success but its the opposite.

That being said, it is what it is. All you can do is support her.