Bed without dinner

[Anonymous]

9 year old DD was upset after arguing with her brother and refused to come to dinner. Each parent talked to her separately and calmly and said when dinner was over she would not be able to eat. She came to the table briefly but refused to sit and we again said calmly when dinner is over it is over. We then gave her a last chance - come now or no dinner. In response she brushed her teeth in front of us.

5 minutes later she wanted to eat, and we said no. So, she’s going to bed without eating (and very hangry).

Is there a better way we could have handled this?

[Anonymous]

Her choice to eat or not.

Don't make a fuss about it or it will fuel further bad behavior for attention.

[Anonymous]

That was fine. You gave her multiple chances to go eat and she refused.

[Anonymous]

I'd let her eat now.

[Anonymous]

I'd would tell her she could get herself some cereal or make herself a sandwich.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd let her eat now.

Id like to add, after raising 3 children, this kind of thing rarely teaches the lesson you wanted. Don't fight about food. You can make an exception and be less rigid.

[Anonymous]

What is your objection to her eating after dinner time, when she’s ready?

[Anonymous]

Food has nothing to do with what occurred. This is weird.

[Anonymous]

She should eat uou mommy dearest

[Anonymous]

That’s a pbj then back to your room night. Though sometimes I take her the pbj. She sounds exhausted.

[Anonymous]

Ps. Withholding food is toxic. Not natural consequences, it’s shitty parenting. It’s not the 50s anymore.

[Anonymous]

Wtf. Feed your kid. This is a basic responsibility of a parent. She was upset and now she's ready. Parent from a place of compassion not control.

[Anonymous]

I don’t get it. You each spoke to her calmly, but issued the ultimatum, “eat now or not at all”? That doesn’t sound like deescalation. Next time, tell her to take the time that she needs to calm down and that there will be a plate waiting for her when she’s ready. Just fix her a plate and stick it in the fridge. You can still go ahead and clean up the kitchen. Kids need food; don’t withhold it as a punishment.

[Anonymous]

Well, it happened. You gave her ample warning. I bet next time she's not going to do it again. If she does it again, and exhibits other very oppositional behaviors despite multiple punishments, then I think you have a mental health problem on your hands, and I would urge you to stop being authoritarian because such kids can literally run away and never come back. You would need a psychiatric assessment, therapy and meds. But for most normal kids, one harsh lesson and they get it.

[Anonymous]

Yes, this was not about food and you made it about food for no reason.

It might have been better to let her leave the table and then get herself a healthy snack later when she had had a chance to digest her argument with her brother.