When did you tell your parents that you were expecting?

[Anonymous]

This is my first pregnancy and will be my parents' first grandchild. I want to share the baby news with them as I think they'll be very excited, but the idea of having to "untell" them if something goes wrong fills me with dread. I'm 5 weeks now so am very early on. I am considering waiting until 12 weeks to tell them, but my in-laws will be visiting us before then and I don't think we'll be able to hide it from them. I do know with almost certainty that my mum would be a little hurt if my in-laws knew weeks before she did. People here may say that I shouldn't prioritize her feelings but I also want her to be among the first to know for my own reasons.

Is there an earlier milestone that gave you relative confidence for sharing news with family? Do most people just tell people in their inner circle immediately?

[Anonymous]

Right away

[Anonymous]

I told at 8 weeks because it happened to fall on Thanksgiving and both sets of grandparents were there, so.we wanted to twll everyone together.

I sweated it until 12 weeks worried that I told people too soon but honestly I would have wanted support if I miscarried, so I don't know why I was so nervous.

[Anonymous]

I waited until 12 weeks -- personal preference.

My parents and ILs live far apart, so we told them one week apart. I know I prioritized my mom the first time, but the other times, I don't think we worried about it. Probably told the ILs first because they live closer.

[Anonymous]

I told everyone the second that second line appeared all four times. One of those was a six week miscarriage, and I was so glad to have the support of those around me. But that’s my personality, I’m a sharer. My brother waited until 12 weeks each time - that’s fine too.

I would say, don’t tell your in laws unless you’re also gonna tell your parents. That’s asking for trouble.

[Anonymous]

I can’t imagine telling my mom any later than 10 minutes after I see the pregnant line but that’s my relationship with my mom.

[Anonymous]

Right away - so around 5/6 weeks. I would tell my parents if I had a miscarriage because it would be something I would want to talk about. I also told my closest friends right away for the same reason. We did ask our parents not to share with the larger family till we got past 12 weeks.

[Anonymous]

15 weeks. Our mothers are relentless gossips, so the second we share anything with them they are blabbing to everyone and anyone. Doesn't matter if you ask them to keep it in confidence. They will share and overshare a d I am old enough to understand the consequences of telling them any personal information.

They're also incredibly selfish and I knew if I miscarried, it would be all about their disappointment. I needed to get to a point where I felt the risk of loss had dramatically decreased and wasn't going to be resentful that they told the whole world I was pregnant.

[Anonymous]

I waited until all the initial tests were done (NIPT, Carrier Screening, etc.).

Like OP said "but the idea of having to "untell" them if something goes wrong fills me with dread". Don't tell anyone that you aren't ready to "untell". If telling them isn't going to help you if something goes wrong then you don't need to tell them.

[Anonymous]

I told my parents at 12 weeks, but then my mom flipped out when I asked her not to announce my pregnancy on FB because I was searching for a job and was worried about discrimination. (I had a lot of law school friends on FB who worked at firms where I was applying.) She told me I took all the joy out of her becoming a grandparent by not letting her post. I should have just waited to tell her until I had my job and could go fully public.

[Anonymous]

My mom wouldn't put it on social media but she would tell just everyone. I waited until about ten weeks knowing she'd tell everyone in the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:15 weeks. Our mothers are relentless gossips, so the second we share anything with them they are blabbing to everyone and anyone. Doesn't matter if you ask them to keep it in confidence. They will share and overshare a d I am old enough to understand the consequences of telling them any personal information.

They're also incredibly selfish and I knew if I miscarried, it would be all about their disappointment. I needed to get to a point where I felt the risk of loss had dramatically decreased and wasn't going to be resentful that they told the whole world I was pregnant.

If you have toxic people in your life like this I would recommend lying about the due date. Advance it 2wks or even a month otherwise you will be pestered relentlessly as the due date approaches. Give you the option of giving birth in peace. I have heard of toxic in-laws asking to be in the delivery room (!!!!!) promising they will stay behind a curtain (yeah right)

[Anonymous]

First baby: told my local ILs after sonogram results - so three months- although I recall confessing to my own mom a few weeks early - I was staying with her and having morning sickness. She and my dad kept it a secret.

Second: experienced loss. Again told my parents a bit earlier. MIL found out post-loss and was infuriated that I hadn’t shared. Really.

Third: was anxious and did not even take a pregnancy test until I was 2 months along-I was happily in denial and honestly thought I’d just skipped periods. Told ILs soon into my 2nd trimester.

Fourth/last: told my parents on a vacation so maybe into my 3rd month and purposely covered up and didn’t tell ILs until I was almost 5 months along! Great fun to devise clever disguises. MIL completely shocked when I announced. She had no idea.

[Anonymous]

We told our parents right away.

[Anonymous]

I told my mom right away. I suffered a miscarriage with my first at 11 weeks, but it was nice having someone to talk to who understood. I called her about my second pregnancy as soon as the test was positive (after my husband of course). I waited until 12 weeks to tell the in-laws though.