My H (we are separated) is endangering our daughter

[Anonymous]

What would you do in this situation? My H lives 2.5-4 hours away, depending on the traffic in our large city. He wants to pick up DD from school and drive her to his place, after having slept only 4 hours last night, worked all day and already driven 3 hours (half to his job, the other half to my house). I told him to sleep in my guest room, he doesn't want that. He threatens to contact a lawyer if I don't let her go with him tonight, calling me a bully and a narcissist.

I told him that he can make decisions about himself, but we decide jointly about our daughter.

I am very scared that they will get in an accident. I don't know what to do. DD is afraid and does not want to stand up to him, even though she agreed this morning that it would be smart for both of them to sleep in my house and drive tomorrow morning, when the drive would take only 2.5 hours instead of 4 on a Friday evening.

[Anonymous]

Is he acting off because he's tired? I don't understand why your daughter is afraid unless you've put it in her head that he's endangering her.

[Anonymous]

Can you drive and meet him half way, at least?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is he acting off because he's tired? I don't understand why your daughter is afraid unless you've put it in her head that he's endangering her.

OP here. He is not acting tired now, while he is still at work. However, on a similar occasion (when he had actually gotten more sleep) he fell asleep in the car the second after he turned off the ignition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you drive and meet him half way, at least?

OP here. Theoretically, yes.

[Anonymous]

Some people don’t need much sleep.

[Anonymous]

How do you know he only slept 4 hours last night?

[Anonymous]

Tell him to come to your house and stay the weekend. You go to a hotel or a friend's house.

This is why kids shouldn't have to be the ones to go back and forth. It's her house; she should be able to stay there.

[Anonymous]

You are being crazy. This is not endangerment.

[Anonymous]

Couldn't you have just figured out how to get her there safely and quickly yourself? I know, it's sh--tty, but sleep at your place what? not happening

[Anonymous]

I think you've handled this very poorly.

First, you've obviously you've involved your daughter to the point of making her scared of him. If you don't want to support his claims of you being a bully, don't do this.

Second, there seems to be a way this could work (you could meet him halfway) and instead of suggesting it, when he shut down your idea to sleep over (which can't say I blame him), you decided that she then couldn't go .

Third, so he never actually had an accident or drove dangerously? He just fell asleep in the car after they had arrived and the car was off?

I'm not saying you're wrong to be concerned, but I also see where he is coming from.

[Anonymous]

It's so gross that you've involved your daughter to the point that she's afraid. I completely see why he thinks you're a bully and a narcissist. I bet you engage in a ton of parental alienation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Couldn't you have just figured out how to get her there safely and quickly yourself? I know, it's sh--tty, but sleep at your place what? not happening

Oh she knew he would say no. But then she could cry "I offered a solution!" When she tried to refuse him taking their daughter. I think OPs pretty sick to use their kid as a pawn in her hostility towards her ex. She's obviously feeding her all these details so that she can say she's scared to go with him. So twisted.

[Anonymous]

Offer to drive your daughter yourself. Do not cut into his time with his daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What would you do in this situation? My H lives 2.5-4 hours away, depending on the traffic in our large city. He wants to pick up DD from school and drive her to his place, after having slept only 4 hours last night, worked all day and already driven 3 hours (half to his job, the other half to my house). I told him to sleep in my guest room, he doesn't want that. He threatens to contact a lawyer if I don't let her go with him tonight, calling me a bully and a narcissist.

I told him that he can make decisions about himself, but we decide jointly about our daughter.

I am very scared that they will get in an accident. I don't know what to do. DD is afraid and does not want to stand up to him, even though she agreed this morning that it would be smart for both of them to sleep in my house and drive tomorrow morning, when the drive would take only 2.5 hours instead of 4 on a Friday evening.

Hire a lawyer, go to court, get a custody and visitation order, after spending lots of money.

Otherwise sit down and STFU.