Soon-To-Be 56 + Worrying About My Mortality 😕

[Anonymous]

I will turn fifty-five in a few mos & have two adult sons.

My best friend of 45 yrs was diagnosed with bone cancer about six mos ago and is currently undergoing both chemo + radiation treatments.
She is in constant pain in spite of her strong prescription meds.
It is so sad to see her quality of life right now - she lives a block over and I see her between 2-3x/day.

She has zero appetite, requires adult diapers and can only shower every 1-2 wks (due to pain.)
She spends her days in her medical bed in her bedroom watching TV or sleeping all day.

We grew up together and always have been extremely close.
To see her like this breaks my heart 💔 of course, but it is also making me think of getting my own affairs in order too.

I.e., get a beneficiary named on my bank accounts, do a Swedish Death Clean, etc.

Is 56 still too young to plan for my death or should I be taking steps now just in case?

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry for your friend. That's awful, and honestly, no way to live. Sounds like she's prolonging life maybe because she's not ready, but I can't imagine she will be cured.

I don't think 56 is too young to get your affairs in order. They should already be in order. You never know when it's going to be your time. That plane in the Potomac is a perfect example.

[Anonymous]

I think bone cancer is more common in younger patients, ironically. I’m so very sorry for your friend, that’s devastating. Is she in hospice care?

I think it’s important to have plans in place, no matter what your age. I’m around your age and my husband and I have had tough discussions about our preferences in the event of incapacity, etc. we haven’t done legal POAs or Advance Directives, but it’s definitely worthwhile.

At the same time, it’s important to have the discussions and then move on and find joy where you can.

[Anonymous]

My 2 Cents -

DOWNSIZE - For every adult person who is middle aged and who are still relatively healthy - they should declutter, downsize if they can and absolutely do the Swedish Death Cleanse.

Swedish Death Cleanse and decluttering is not a one time deal. You have to keep repeating it periodically and be in that state of mind to constantly reduce things that take up space unnecessarily and take up your time and concern.

LEGAL PAPERS - Absolutely have all plans in place. Write wills, the financial planning, estate planning, plan for your old age and care, plans for your kids, plans for pets etc. It takes time to put things together and it may require help from a professional.

HEALTH - Get all your medical checkups, start eating more vegetables and fruits, eat more plant based whole foods, less carbs and protein. Walk, stretch, lift some weights.

Fast for a day every 10 days to encourage autophagy and reduce the chances of cancer.

[Anonymous]

No use worrying about dying. You’re going to. It could be today, or when you are 105.

[Anonymous]

56 is definitely getting to the tail end of your lifespan, particularly when you consider that your cognitive abilities may be limited for the last 10 years or so of your life. This is a very good time to plan for your death.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think bone cancer is more common in younger patients, ironically. I’m so very sorry for your friend, that’s devastating. Is she in hospice care?

I think it’s important to have plans in place, no matter what your age. I’m around your age and my husband and I have had tough discussions about our preferences in the event of incapacity, etc. we haven’t done legal POAs or Advance Directives, but it’s definitely worthwhile.

At the same time, it’s important to have the discussions and then move on and find joy where you can.

No, my friend is not in hospice care however her bone pain is progressing and she recently has had trouble swallowing - she tells me often that she doesn’t feel that she has much “time left.”

Maybe her intuition feels that she is as she has been making final plans.

For example, right now she is creating memory scrapbooks for all of her children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:56 is definitely getting to the tail end of your lifespan, particularly when you consider that your cognitive abilities may be limited for the last 10 years or so of your life. This is a very good time to plan for your death.

Yes I am really starting to now feel that I am getting to the tail end of my “good” years.

Some may consider it pessimistic thinking on my end but I think it is just realistic….perhaps deep pragmatic thinking in general….

[Anonymous]

Downsize. Move to a smaller home. Shed clothing, furniture, and Knick knacks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Downsize. Move to a smaller home. Shed clothing, furniture, and Knick knacks.

At 55?!!? How old are you? I can see doing this at 75 maybe when age and mobility could really be a factor. But 55? OP just got done Building her life and Aquiring her things. She doesn’t need to downsize at 55, that’s ridiculous

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Downsize. Move to a smaller home. Shed clothing, furniture, and Knick knacks.

At 55?!!? How old are you? I can see doing this at 75 maybe when age and mobility could really be a factor. But 55? OP just got done Building her life and Aquiring her things. She doesn’t need to downsize at 55, that’s ridiculous

Why is it ridiculous?

[Anonymous]

She needs better pain management or hospice care.

[Anonymous]

Find an estate lawyer you like. Get HIPAA, health care power of attorney, financial power of attorney, and will in place.

I'm sorry about your friend. It's amazing you have a best friend of 45 years. I'm envious. Hope she pulls through.

Also, is there a way she could get someone in there to help her get out of bed and in the shower more often? I've taken care of two disabled parents (Parkinson's and dementia). We got them two to three showers a week using caregivers and special custom shower wheelchairs. If she is too disabled to stand and pivot and get in the shower chair, she could look into getting a Hoyer lift (tho if she can still walk she should avoiding getting that and instead keep walking).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Downsize. Move to a smaller home. Shed clothing, furniture, and Knick knacks.

At 55?!!? How old are you? I can see doing this at 75 maybe when age and mobility could really be a factor. But 55? OP just got done Building her life and Aquiring her things. She doesn’t need to downsize at 55, that’s ridiculous

DP here. Her kids are out of the house. It's much easier to downsize at 55 when you are fit and able and have your faculties than when you are older and less fit and may have dementia. Also this way your brain gets to know the new house and makes it easier to age in place since you have memories there.

[Anonymous]

You really don't want to give too far into your 60s. At that point your mind and body have taken huge hits. Live large the next 10 years and make sure you don't become a burden to those around you.