Soon-To-Be 56 + Worrying About My Mortality 😕

[Anonymous]

These replies are bonkers to me. My father and mother are 82 and 78, respectively. They’re down in Mexico, where they go every winter for 6-8 weeks, and are living it up with a bunch of similarly aged friends—snorkeling, sunning, enjoying the seafood and drinks. They usually go on another international trip once a year as well. They cook, garden, work out, are involved in book and film clubs, and frankly make this stage of life look amazing. And they are not outliers. People live a long time these days, and many of them are in great health. Writing yourself off in your mid-50s is just giving up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These replies are bonkers to me. My father and mother are 82 and 78, respectively. They’re down in Mexico, where they go every winter for 6-8 weeks, and are living it up with a bunch of similarly aged friends—snorkeling, sunning, enjoying the seafood and drinks. They usually go on another international trip once a year as well. They cook, garden, work out, are involved in book and film clubs, and frankly make this stage of life look amazing. And they are not outliers. People live a long time these days, and many of them are in great health. Writing yourself off in your mid-50s is just giving up.

Have they decluttered and downsized or are they leaving that to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These replies are bonkers to me. My father and mother are 82 and 78, respectively. They’re down in Mexico, where they go every winter for 6-8 weeks, and are living it up with a bunch of similarly aged friends—snorkeling, sunning, enjoying the seafood and drinks. They usually go on another international trip once a year as well. They cook, garden, work out, are involved in book and film clubs, and frankly make this stage of life look amazing. And they are not outliers. People live a long time these days, and many of them are in great health. Writing yourself off in your mid-50s is just giving up.

...except for all the people we know with cancer in their 40s and 50s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Downsize. Move to a smaller home. Shed clothing, furniture, and Knick knacks.

At 55?!!? How old are you? I can see doing this at 75 maybe when age and mobility could really be a factor. But 55? OP just got done Building her life and Aquiring her things. She doesn’t need to downsize at 55, that’s ridiculous

DP here. Her kids are out of the house. It's much easier to downsize at 55 when you are fit and able and have your faculties than when you are older and less fit and may have dementia. Also this way your brain gets to know the new house and makes it easier to age in place since you have memories there.

This is sound advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These replies are bonkers to me. My father and mother are 82 and 78, respectively. They’re down in Mexico, where they go every winter for 6-8 weeks, and are living it up with a bunch of similarly aged friends—snorkeling, sunning, enjoying the seafood and drinks. They usually go on another international trip once a year as well. They cook, garden, work out, are involved in book and film clubs, and frankly make this stage of life look amazing. And they are not outliers. People live a long time these days, and many of them are in great health. Writing yourself off in your mid-50s is just giving up.

It is wonderful PP that both your parents are living such active and social lives.
However know that is not what typical people their age do.

And yes, nowadays many people in their 40’s and 50’s are getting cancer which is sad.

I think 55 is the perfect age to begin to plan ahead.
At this age you are still mentally/physically able to move and downsize if need be.
And you are healthy enough to not feel the pressure of time following you like a dark cloud.

If you have grown kids it is a perfect time to discuss your end of life plans/decisions since your kids will be more willing to listen to what you want vs. panicking since they know that you likely are not going to die very soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These replies are bonkers to me. My father and mother are 82 and 78, respectively. They’re down in Mexico, where they go every winter for 6-8 weeks, and are living it up with a bunch of similarly aged friends—snorkeling, sunning, enjoying the seafood and drinks. They usually go on another international trip once a year as well. They cook, garden, work out, are involved in book and film clubs, and frankly make this stage of life look amazing. And they are not outliers. People live a long time these days, and many of them are in great health. Writing yourself off in your mid-50s is just giving up.

...except for all the people we know with cancer in their 40s and 50s.

People can survive some cancers. Regardless, preparing for imminent death in your 50s is premature, but doing wills, POA, Advance Directive, etc is not premature - at any age.

[Anonymous]

I know many healthy, active people in 70s and 80s - and many younger people who were/are not so lucky. The main thing is not to waste your life focusing on mortality, but do take reasonable steps to plan for things like illness and disability.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These replies are bonkers to me. My father and mother are 82 and 78, respectively. They’re down in Mexico, where they go every winter for 6-8 weeks, and are living it up with a bunch of similarly aged friends—snorkeling, sunning, enjoying the seafood and drinks. They usually go on another international trip once a year as well. They cook, garden, work out, are involved in book and film clubs, and frankly make this stage of life look amazing. And they are not outliers. People live a long time these days, and many of them are in great health. Writing yourself off in your mid-50s is just giving up.

...except for all the people we know with cancer in their 40s and 50s.

Most people don’t have cancer in their 40s and 50s. The idea that OP should prepare for imminent death is bizarre. Average life expectancy for a woman in the US is like 78.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These replies are bonkers to me. My father and mother are 82 and 78, respectively. They’re down in Mexico, where they go every winter for 6-8 weeks, and are living it up with a bunch of similarly aged friends—snorkeling, sunning, enjoying the seafood and drinks. They usually go on another international trip once a year as well. They cook, garden, work out, are involved in book and film clubs, and frankly make this stage of life look amazing. And they are not outliers. People live a long time these days, and many of them are in great health. Writing yourself off in your mid-50s is just giving up.

...except for all the people we know with cancer in their 40s and 50s.

Most people don’t have cancer in their 40s and 50s. The idea that OP should prepare for imminent death is bizarre. Average life expectancy for a woman in the US is like 78.

Average. There are those below average and those above. She is watching someone who is unlikely to get anywhere near average and realizing 78 is not attainable for all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These replies are bonkers to me. My father and mother are 82 and 78, respectively. They’re down in Mexico, where they go every winter for 6-8 weeks, and are living it up with a bunch of similarly aged friends—snorkeling, sunning, enjoying the seafood and drinks. They usually go on another international trip once a year as well. They cook, garden, work out, are involved in book and film clubs, and frankly make this stage of life look amazing. And they are not outliers. People live a long time these days, and many of them are in great health. Writing yourself off in your mid-50s is just giving up.

...except for all the people we know with cancer in their 40s and 50s.

Most people don’t have cancer in their 40s and 50s. The idea that OP should prepare for imminent death is bizarre. Average life expectancy for a woman in the US is like 78.

Average. There are those below average and those above. She is watching someone who is unlikely to get anywhere near average and realizing 78 is not attainable for all.

Sure, but she is basically asking us if she should prepare to die soon and many people are saying yes! Yes, make a will, have an advance directive, but the notion that she will not live to see her 60s is glass half empty in the extreme.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry about your friend. But I do not worry about mortality. If things like cancer happen, it's just life. I rather I go quickly. I worry about living too long, becoming frail and lose my mental capacity, memory, sight, hearing. To me that's worse. Life is sweet, but when one becomes a burden I rather I don't live to that age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Downsize. Move to a smaller home. Shed clothing, furniture, and Knick knacks.

At 55?!!? How old are you? I can see doing this at 75 maybe when age and mobility could really be a factor. But 55? OP just got done Building her life and Aquiring her things. She doesn’t need to downsize at 55, that’s ridiculous

I'm 54 and would LOVE to downsize. The "aquiring [sic]" of things hasn't been all that healthy for any of us, or our culture, or the planet. Get rid of it, and don't replace it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Downsize. Move to a smaller home. Shed clothing, furniture, and Knick knacks.

At 55?!!? How old are you? I can see doing this at 75 maybe when age and mobility could really be a factor. But 55? OP just got done Building her life and Aquiring her things. She doesn’t need to downsize at 55, that’s ridiculous

I know a lot of people who died in their 50s. If you make it to 60, you're probably be around a while.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These replies are bonkers to me. My father and mother are 82 and 78, respectively. They’re down in Mexico, where they go every winter for 6-8 weeks, and are living it up with a bunch of similarly aged friends—snorkeling, sunning, enjoying the seafood and drinks. They usually go on another international trip once a year as well. They cook, garden, work out, are involved in book and film clubs, and frankly make this stage of life look amazing. And they are not outliers. People live a long time these days, and many of them are in great health. Writing yourself off in your mid-50s is just giving up.

It is wonderful PP that both your parents are living such active and social lives.
However know that is not what typical people their age do.

And yes, nowadays many people in their 40’s and 50’s are getting cancer which is sad.

I think 55 is the perfect age to begin to plan ahead.
At this age you are still mentally/physically able to move and downsize if need be.
And you are healthy enough to not feel the pressure of time following you like a dark cloud.

If you have grown kids it is a perfect time to discuss your end of life plans/decisions since your kids will be more willing to listen to what you want vs. panicking since they know that you likely are not going to die very soon.

Tons of people still have kids in the house at 55.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Downsize. Move to a smaller home. Shed clothing, furniture, and Knick knacks.

At 55?!!? How old are you? I can see doing this at 75 maybe when age and mobility could really be a factor. But 55? OP just got done Building her life and Aquiring her things. She doesn’t need to downsize at 55, that’s ridiculous

Minimalists downsize way younger. It allows them to be flexible.

I was able to take a job when I was younger because I had few possessions and could move with a few weeks' notice. My older colleagues with more assets and possessions didn't even apply.

Matt Paxton, the decluttering organizer, has some good books on this topic. He discusses how he almost didn't move to merge households with his future wife because his stuff was overwhelming.

Downsizing st 55 with adult children allows the OP to cut costs and move somewhere else if she feels like it. If she does get ill, it's less stress for her kids.